My husband of 54 years who was my soul mate and best friend passed away 3 weeks ago. Every morning I wake up, and it hits me again that he has gone. I have a sick dread feeling in the pit of my stomach and have no appetite.
I am better in the afternoon and evening, mainly because I am exhausted. I tend to go to bed in the early hours of the morning, and dread waking up again. Is this normal?
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband @Vanessa72
I’m almost 10 weeks since my husband passed and you describe how I feel every morning. I think it is normal as I have read many people describe the same. Some days that pit in my stomach is slightly less but then it returns and although I do eat I can’t put on the weight I have lost over the past few months.
I go to bed late like you as I need to be exhausted to sleep as I hate when my mind starts to replay the last few months.
Keep posting on here - I find it helps to know others feel the same and there is much love, understanding and support here from folk who really get it.
Sending much love and support xx
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Hi Roni52
Thank you so much for replying to me. All of my family live in the U.K. whilst I live in SW France. I have lots of supportive friends, but I just feel so alone. I realise that Sundays are the worst time, and tomorrow it is a bank holiday here. I sometimes feel that I am going mad with grief. I am a very practical person normally, but this is so painful.
The pain does feel like nothing I have ever experienced before and I often wonder how others manage to get through these tough times.
I was really busy and organised before my husband died - now it takes me all day to do maybe one task whilst the house needs cleaning, laundry done and so on.
I’m trying to be kinder to myself though as we are all going through a nightmare and all we can try to do at this stage is get through each day.
Lots of folk on here feel very when there are people with you - it’s just that our one person isn’t there.
Maybe you could try go for a nice walk tomorrow to break up the day as it’s so exhausting all this sadness. The weekends are difficult to endure.
Xxx
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The answer is, we all are hit with unbearable loss at one point in our lives sadly. Because this pain is unbearable we search to normalise it, even our previous experiences have not prepared you for this level of incomprehensible inner pain. What you need to hear is, day by day, it will hurt a little less. Grief is love with nowhere to go. We must grieve not only for who we have lost, but for the version of ourselves that has to become someone different as we say goodbye to to that version of ourselves that only that loved one could understand and comprehend.
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Like you and Roni52 I was a busy, practical, organised person before this devastation hit me. I can’t quite believe how hard I find it now to face up to things. It’s not just the pain and the crying and the missing having him there to consult. It’s the loss of who I am, the descent into a tired, ineffectual, unmotivated person who can’t sustain interest in friends’ conversation or see the point in cooking or even keeping the house tidy. Admittedly there is the weight of a shedload of extra admin and finances to deal with and a backlog of garden and household maintenance that built up while I was focussed on looking after Neil , but it’s more than overload. It’s like I’ve been in a car crash.
I take some comfort from reading that other people are also knocked sideways. I’m not alone. I also try to heed the oft repeated advice to be kind to oneself and just tackle one task at a time.
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Hi AnnieMacG
Thank you for replying. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband was poorly for 2 years before being in hospital for 3 months before passing. We live in SWFrance so have lots of land and a pool. However there are lots of things that my husband was going to do when he was out of hospital, but sadly this never happened. I am also in a situation where I will not be in a position to pay someone to help.
I too have to do one task a day, but if I have a bad day, this is not possible. Please know that we all support you, and understand your pain. Much love x
…everyday starts with disappointment for me because I wake up…then the task is to negotiate the day ahead until bedtime again 
So sorry for your loss. I’m 5 weeks and one day . I dont believe there will ever be a normal again when you lose somone so close to you. Its so hard to imagine even having a life again without him . I like you keep reliving the awful moment i was told your husband has been found dead! I try to keep going but i dont want too, really. Im so exhausted and no concentration at all. I just sit waiting for the time to go, hoping he will come back. 
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Hi Vanessa. I’m 7 months on from the passing of my beloved Kev. It’s only recently I’ve started to go to bed at a reasonable time. Previously I wouldn’t go in our room until I was so exhausted I literally hit the pillow and was asleep. This will get easier as time goes but how long is time we can’t answer that. It’s a pain that doesn’t go away. Some days I’m worse than 4 months ago and other days I just cope somehow. I’ve had a lot going on lately and need my Kev, he would calm me, he knew me like no other sole and me him. It’s very difficult to move with time but I’m confident that in time I will smile again. I keep telling myself how lucky I have been to have Kev in my life for 20 years. I hold onto that. I wish you well 
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