Newly widowed and lost

My husband died last month after a very short battle with stomach cancer.
I’m reeling from it all from diagnosis , prognosis, caring for him at home then his death, then organising the funeral, sorting out the admin and grieving whilst trying to be strong for our children .
It’s a nightmare that I’m struggling with losing it daily - screaming to myself when I’ve dropped the children at school . It’s hard to see the way forward - I know I have to for the kids but it’s so huge .
I’m always the composed, practical one finding solutions to every issue but this is too much


Hello, it’s really good that you say you are the practical, composed person because it will help you get through this horrible period of your life. You will find lots of posts from people in the same position and just knowing that you are not alone does help. We are always here for you and from my own personal experience I know how hard those first few months are but I know I had it easy in comparison to you because I didn’t have children to support through their grieving. I do hope things improve even just a little. Remember to look after yourself and be kind to yourself. S xx

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Thank you :heart:

I lost my wife on 4th March. I looked after her through her illness every day for 7 years. I’m totally lost, wandering around the house bumping into reminders of her everywhere. I knew this day was coming, but now it’s real & I feel I’m coping very badly. I also feel that my kids are dealing with it much better than me. I totally get where you are at & hope the pain eases with time. My wifes funeral is on Monday. I just need to get through that. All the best.

Hi Duncan, how sad that she had to leave. It really doesn’t make any difference wether we know it’s going to happen or not, it still devastates us. People will say you should have known, yes but the reality is we don’t want it to happen. I felt I was on auto pilot until after the funeral and then when you are left on your own it hits hard. Take care, it is hard but honestly we get through and there is a bright day, it takes time. Take small steps and don’t be in a rush with anything, just for once think about yourself. S xx

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Thanks Susie. Luckily I’ve got lots going on to occupy my mind now. The first week I just sat in front of the TV not wanting to put shows on that we both used to watch together.

I’m so sorry for your loss, your head must be spinning. It’s so difficult to find time to grieve when you have children as it’s consuming making sure they are ok.
My husband recently passed away and I have children so I’m in a similar situation.
I’m new on here so if you want to chat, vent or just someone to scream with send me a message.

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Thanks for that Beany. I’m glad now that I have reached out to people in the same boat as me. I have many well meaning friends who all say they understand what I’m going through. It takes all my self control to not say " How can you possibly know what it’s like to lose someone as close as your wife". I lost my Dad last September. That was bad enough, but you can’t prepare yourself to lose your life partner. It’s so different & much much worse.

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I’m sorry Dunc, there are no words I can say that will help, it’s crap in all truth.
I seem to be getting worse with the awful fact that I’m now making plans without Rob . I’ve booked to visit robs family in the Isle of Wight which has always been a happy place for us, but it feels so wrong.

As far as the funeral goes it’s do the best you can, give your lovely wife the best send off you can .

My advice is to keep yourself busy in the weeks following, because that’s really when it hits home.

Hoping Monday goes well for you and your family

Thanks Susie, much appreciated, I’m sorry got your loss too, it’s hard on us all for sure x

Thanks Beany, I’m sorry for your loss, we are certainly not alone in our grief, having like minded people is refreshing rather than being the one everyone feels sympathy for . I find myself getting annoyed at friends at the moment which is unjustified - they mean well
I hope your children Are ok x

I completely understand getting annoyed at your friends I do it to. It’s like they say I’m sorry for your loss and ask is there anything they can do which is the right thing but a week later it’s back to their normal… they have fulfilled their duty and all is well again. You can’t get over something like this overnight and they just assume you have. I find myself getting angry at everyone! Friends and family were offering help in the first week and friends I hadn’t spoken too in a while we’re so kind I just felt they did it just to know what happened…
Being looked at and judged on the school run because I wear anything to hand at the time. Little do they know how hard it is getting a child that has lost her daddy to school so sorry if my hair and make up isn’t done it’s taken every ounce of energy getting my little girl here in the first place.
Sorry for that lite rant.
How are you and your children?? X

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That completely resonates with me. I telling myself they are lucky enough to not know how this feels and distancing myself from them- I’m looking for a group meeting in my area , but so far haven’t found anything in my home town- just to chat to people who are going through the same- although this site is helpful it’s virtual.

I’m finding this Mother’s Day weekend difficult for some reason, I have my mother still with me but it feels wrong and I can’t figure out why- But the grief is still raw
The children are doing so much better than I am , - they are really clingy though and tell me they love me literally 10-20 times a day- think they need the reassurance they are loved and I’m staying with them.
Sending love to you and just keep doing what you’re doing x

This Mother’s Day has been atrocious. My kids were lovely and I was having a wonderful day. There has been a disconnect with my husbands family since they had his funeral and cremated him without me knowing, not even an invite for our daughter. But I knew it would be hard for my mother in law after all she lost her son I couldn’t imagine that pain. So my little girl made her a lovely video saying she loves and misses her and can’t wait to see her. I was in tears the whole time she was being so strong for her nanny. Then I get a message from my sister in law saying they can’t afford the funeral and want me to pay for it, or to apply for a grant and transfer them the money (which I believe is fraud!) I’ve been in a tiz since I don’t know what to do I’ve tried calling solicitors but no one can help!
I hope you had a lovely day! X

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Hi Beany
It is Fraud! Why cant they apply for a grant? and why would they expect you to pay when you were not allowed to go? sadly death brings out the worst in some people.

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I’ve spoken with citizens advice and was physically shaking the whole conversation.
I cannot apply for the grant as I did not arrange the funeral. There have been other instances of fraud from their side. I’m on edge all the time I shake constantly I can’t sleep I feel physically sick all the time. I’m grieving for My husband and being there for my daughter who has separation anxiety. There was so much not said and so many questions unanswered and now dealing with all this. I’m a broken person and I can’t cope anymore.

Hey @Beany - you need to do what is right for you and they seem like toxic people- maybe some distance from them?
You need the time to grieve without them clouding your mind . Tell them to back off , you’ve done the enquiry, they have an answer. Then look after you and your daughter . Sending a virtual hug

@AndiLea I’ve now blocked their numbers, I was only trying to be nice to my mother in law it’s such a shame it’s had to come to this.
How are you feeling today? X

@Beany good for you - that was right thing to do :+1:

I’m functional - my usual response now . The girls school have been sent all students in yr 8-10 home due to staff shortages so I’ve got company .
I’m currently decluttering the house to put it on the market - I’m moving in with my mother who is 80 and unwell , it seems the best option at the moment rather than worry about 2 households / there is only me now and it’s just too much x

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