Newly widowed at 40

Hi all,

This is my first post in any widow support group. My husband died unexpectedly 6 weeks ago age 47, prior to that his father died in June 2023 and my uncle died in August 2023.

I am finding the process of coming to terms with what has happened extremely difficult. I am at a stage where i cant even say his name without breaking down and crying.

I am anxious as emotionally i am vulnerable and cautious who to turn to as peoples reactions can cause deep pain.

I cant believe at 40 years old i am a widow. Someone the other day asked me “why are you still wearing your wedding rings?” Which i think was extremely insensitive and why wouldn’t i be wearing them? Do other widows continue to wear there wedding rings?


Hi, lovely,

Im so very sorry for your loss! I :100: understand exactly what you are going through & the all comsuming pain!

I lost my husband over a sudden diagnosis in February & being his carer until he died aged 54. at the end of May this year.

Im also still really struggling. I came on gere just now as im particularly low. Looking for some support. I saw your post & knew you needed a little chat to get off your chest how you are feeling. Im so very sorry for you.

I had mine & my husbands wedding rings fused together & now wear them on middke finger as too big for my wedding rong finger. I still wear my engagement ring on that finger. There is no right or wrong when it comes to wraring or choosing not to wear your ring.

Thats entirely your decision and for someone to make a comment is unbelievable!!

Yes, im now a widow but in my eyes ill always be his wife. Do what you want.

Take care! Im 5 months in & it still feels like yesterday to me too. Xxx


@LostForest that’s a lot of losses and the ultimate loss of your husband. My partner was 49 and it was a very sudden death and coming to terms with the loss and shock takes time.
6 months was a difficult time for me and the doctor said it was very common at the 6 months mark for people to struggle.

Death is cruel at all ages and I’m sorry that at 40 you find yourself here. However, we get it, we understand how you feel. People won’t understand what we are going through if they have not experienced it and often they upset us because they don’t understand. People’s assumptions on how we should feel or be can be offensive but I find it I’m honest with people, they can understand a bit more.

When I talk to others, I’m not asking for solutions or suggestions, I just want people to listen or I just want to be able to say something to get it out of me and I now say that to them.

As for your rings, continue to wear them with pride.


I am so sad for you, I resonate with your post due to your age. I am 41 and my partner was 50, he died 7 weeks ago and we weren’t married but were together for 10 years and were engaged last year. I wear my beautiful ring so proudly. It will never leave my finger as long as I breathe. I would beg for the person who asked you why you were still wearing your wedding rings to spend a moment in your shoes, feeling how you feel?! What a dreadfully insensitive thing to say.
I also can’t believe I find myself alone at this age, I feel like this is all so unfair and cruel, as your husband was only 47, that is horribly difficult to come to terms with. I see that you have suffered a horrible year of loss in your life, and I can’t imagine how you must feel, reeling from the continual grief. I am thinking about you and acknowledging your pain. I am massively struggling and have read so many things online but it’s really only this particular platform that helps me to believe that we are not alone in how we feel. I find what people write here makes a lot of sense to me, and I really hope you can find even a shred of hope and comfort in some of the posts here. Take care of yourself X


@LostForest im so sorry your a widow at such a young age, i was 47 when i lost my hubby just over 12 months ago.
I found this forum about 4 months in, probably at my lowest point and it has been a massive help. There is WAY, widowed and young, that have lots of subgroups depending on where you live and hobbies etc. They also organise meet ups and even holidays if and when your ready. Have you had any counselling, im having some with Cruze.
Reach out on here, lots of love xx


@LostForest People are beyond insensitive with their unguided, misinformed comments. Unless you know how this feels you dont have anything of value to bring to the table. Im 28 weeks into being a widower, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m still married. I have put my wedding ring and my wife’s on a chain and wear them around my neck constantly. I bought a black tungsten ring which i wear on my wedding ring finger. It makes me acknowledge what i am, what i feel and how i choose to deal with my grief. To hell with what anybody else thinks, feels or says. They weren’t that interested when she was alive so why would i let their opinions bother me now. You just do what’s right for you there is only you that has to deal with the constant ache that never leaves you so find your way to cope and go with what you feel works.


Yes of course you would still wear your wedding rings! People say such wierd things.

You are young and have many years ahead of you and will have happy times ahead. Know you dont think it now but your husband would have wanted you to be happy again. At the moment you are in shock
My first husband died when I was 42 and thinking back dont know how i coped but recently sorted out some old photos and realised how many good things i have done and experienced over the years.
Wishing you some peace of mind and happy times in the future.


Hi, im 52 and my fiancée passed away 17 days ago. She had previously been cleared of lung cancer, but out of the blue passed with brain cancer. I spent 7 days in hospital with her,it was horrendous to watch, but i couldn’t let her go alone. Im struggling to see away forward. We should have got married, but she was to ill,we had a blessing in hospital and i wear our wedding rings on a chain and will do so till i die. She was my lover, best friend my soulmate.


@Lesleyann1968 Hi and sadly welcome on here, so sorry to hear of the passing of your fiancée, It’s a terrible thing to have to witness. I had a very similar experience when my wife passed 11 months ago, you just feel so helpless and the effect of the suffering she endured is still with me today. But it has become so much less overwhelming, I can think of it without breaking apart. At 17 days I was very much gone, there’s not really anything I can tell you that will make the pain any less intense, it’s a very hard time you have in front of you, but you can get through it. Coming on to this site was one of the best decisions I made in coping with my grief. Everyone on here can unfortunately relate to all that you are experiencing, we understand. The only real advice I can give to you is try to eat and drink healthily if you can it really does help, be patient with yourself and the emotions you experience, things will pass and return, the waves will get further apart. Be honest with the people around you, tell them what you need, very often people want to help but have no idea how. And keep reaching out on here if you need to talk, rant, breakdown, there’s no judgement here, we’ve all been through or are going through the same thing.


Thanks, that means alot and im sorry for your lose


I am so sorry of your loss, that what I keep saying you are not cured of cancer,it just goes into remission.My son who had learning disabilities ,and at 47 was doing well. He suddenly got pains in hips and spine . They diagnosed secondary bone cancer,could not find primary,he was dead within 3months… They need more research and funding into metastasis that is what is going to kill people as more and more survive primary cancer… it is heart breaking to see people to go through chemo etc only to survive five years or so then for it to come back and kill in a few weeks. I am not a expert but I see there is going to be a lot of cancers spreading.

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Hi Lostforest, I’m so sorry you’ve joined us. I too am recently widowed, it’ll be 2 months on the 30th at the ripe old age of 39. Everyone is on the same journey sadly and everyone’s reaction and coping mechanisms are different.
Lee and I were together for 12 years and due to severe endometriosis we couldn’t have children. I’ve found talking about him a great comfort but I know this can be off putting to a lot of people as they don’t know how to react or act when you do


Hi, how are you coping? Got Lesleys Cremation tomorrow, really dreading it. I’m having good days and bad. Guessing its normal. 39 no age at all. Take care ,im sure you have support but if you need to off load to a stranger. Message me.

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I lost my wife and soulmate nearly 5 years ago after she went through hell for 2 years but that’s for another day. I still wear my wedding ring, I thought I was coming to some sort of terms after a couple of years and thought I’d take it off. It just felt so wrong it lasted about a fortnight before I put it back on. I still wear it now and don’t care what anybody says

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Hello @LostForest. I lost my fiancé beginning of October this year, he was 48 I still wear my engagement ring and have no intention of removing it. How insensitive for others to suggest you should remove your ring x

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You do what you feel is right for you, as I said above I still wear my wedding ring 5 years on, I also wear a bracelet with a token amount of my wife’s ashes in, it comforts me! Its irrelevant what others may think It is your choice and its whatever makes you happy and able to cope. I also had a “fingerprint” heart necklace made for my daughter she never takes it off. She scanned one of Kay’s written part of a Christmas card and had a exact copy of the writing engraved onto a piece of jewellery, It makes me happy and tbh I was in tears when she gave it to me. Don’t ever worry or take notice of what others may say you do what feels right for you

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