Next move ? Right or wrong!

I lost the love of my life at 57 just over a year ago We went through school together but met again later in life and both started again after our marriages broke up
We hit it off instantly falling in love at first sight like a true love story we did everything together inseparable you could say everywhere we went holding hands happy smiling heads held high no worries what so ever for over 20years
But when it was Tracy’s time my entire world came crashing down around me I was lost alone to the point of suicide
I sat in the park contemplating life ? [edited by moderator] Then from no where a woman appeared, she sat with me , spoke to me for hours in the freezing cold I poured my heart and soul out to a complete stranger after a while we exchanged numbers. A few days later she messaged me asking if I was ok ? No! I said So she asked if I wanted to talk I said yes just for the company because I was so low alone as the saying goes my head was up my arse anyway she came to mine anyway she was only there five minutes and my stepson walked in as you can imagine 2+2 made 6 and ended in a full blown argument accusing me of having an affair “which I wasn’t “ my stepson stormed off my friend left ? I was alone and lost it
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I ended up waking up in hospital with a nervous breakdown I was sectioned for my own safety I was in hospital for 8 weeks but the only outside contact I had was my friend from work and the woman I had previously met she came to see me 4 times in hospital but my own family stayed away not a sign
When I came home she asked if she could see me ? So I said yes the big question is am I doing the right thing or not ? I will never forget my life I had but also I can’t cope with the life I now have and being alone ?

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Sorry for your loss Steve
It sounds like a difficult situation…

But I would question what this woman wants? What’s her intentions? You’re coming to terms with losing the most important person in your life. You are arguably in a vulnerable time in your life and I’m not entirely sure this woman might help? Are there any ‘romantic’ intentions here? If there is, then that’s different but I can see why may be your family could be concerned.
I think you need to tread carefully and be conscious who enters your life right now…If she purely a ‘friend’ then great, but all parties need to be on the same page. It’s ok to move on and live another life but make sure it’s for the right reasons and not because you feel lonely and vulnerable right now.


I have asked if she wants more ie a relationship and she’s basically said yes but is it to soon or define “to soon” I’ll never forget my wife but also I’ve been told I have to live also but atm I’m unsure my feelings are all over I know
The thing is she now wants to be with me and wants to be in a relationship with me but am I wrong for allowing her to get close my friends have said if it feels right do it ? I’m so unsure
I’ve sat for hours talking by Tracy’s graveside searching for answers
I know I’ll never be “me” again ever but at the same time I’m not in hospital going cookoo

It sounds to me you know what you want Steve but you’re trying to look for justification or validation? Truth is, no one can give you that…You need to do what’s right for you. You’re entitled to live your life and if that means going in to a relationship with another woman, that’s up to you.
But be careful and wise in your decision making…You’re at a very vulnerable time right now and some would argue entering any relationship right now isn’t a wise move.
And I guess if this new lady is worth it, she’ll may be wait and see how you might be later down the road when you’re in a better and more stable position.


It’s a hard one but I miss the company the loneliness almost took me to the brink and I don’t want to see that again I suppose time will be my only answer now

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This is where you’ll need to be honest with yourself…

Do you want a relationship with this woman because you really like her and see a great future with her where you can grow and flourish together?

Or do you not want to be ‘lonely’ and see this as an option to that? If that’s the case, then you’re going in to this wrong. That also won’t be fair to this woman either…


Hi Steve, I had a similar experience, I didn’t continue and I’m OK on my own. However, my wife passed away 5 months ago and I’m been going to bereavement counselling and we discussed what the future could hold and how I could balance that with the loss of my soulmate and the Counsellor described it as “if you imagine your wife and your love for her is a glass of water sitting a puddle. As time goes on the puddle increases as you get new memories, but the glass doesn’t change its size.” Your love for your wife will never diminish but new memories will be made and your life will go on. That analogy really helped me put things in perspective. Best wishes Tim


I can understand your saying and agree I’ll never get over loosing Tracy nor will I ever stop loving her the memories will always be with me till it’s my time

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I lost my wife just before Christmas after 43yrs together. She had progressive MS and AIH, resulting in urgent need of liver transplant. I had 8yrs of watching things deteriorating and June last year started filling up with fluid. It got worse. Then end of October She told me to call an ambulance, she never came out except to die,at home 2 days later. I have effectively been on my own since October and I’ve found like others, time seems to stand still… minutes seem like hours, days are groundhog day and the weather never helps.

I have a woman who is interested in me, and am very dubious over interest and declared love etc etc. I am at arms length and she has appeared brutally honest. Not mentioned money as I only have a pension and she works with the UN. my family know and have said tread carefully…

What is right for newly bereaved people to be morally correct in others eyes?

I am so scared of another relationship after almost 45yrs, but company is great.


Tracy died from liver failure as well drs said it was due to alcohol related symptoms but she hardly drank anything ! she went so fast and it’s still not feeling real and feels like a dream I blamed it on stress related symptoms everything seamed to get on top of her and when covid hit she just stayed in wouldn’t go out at all


They tried to say my chrissy was alcohol related and she didn’t drink any! I went mad and demanded that it was removed from her records. In fairness the consultant went mad as well.

It was her own immune system attacked her and killed her liver over period of around 8yrs. We were together 24/7 for many years due my injuries.

I do hope things get easier for sir.


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