Does anyone else suffer from nightmares waking them up, I was with my partner till the end and wake up seeing her face struggling and pleading for help before they sedated her.
Im so sorry for your struggle. I have nightmares also, my husband passed away in my arms in his hospital bed. It was a traumatic passing and i was tortured by it for the last 20 weeks since he passed. The nightmares are/were particularly cruel and i guess like you, leave/left me feeling shaken and distressed. If you can, and i find this is gradually helping, speak to your partner before you fall asleep. Let her know you are happy that she is suffering no more, that she is free of pain, that you are thankful that you were both together at the end. If like me, you feel an irratiinal sense of guilt that there was nothing we could do to ease their last moments on this earth, remind yourself that simply being there for them was enough. Close your eyes and think of the happiest memory you can recall when you were together, remind your partner of it. Release the fear of the nightmares and make recalling happy memories with your partner part of your bedtime routine. You will find this comforting and the awful nightmares will subside. Sending love xx
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Mines been 16 months now i think it was the fact that i couldn’t help her, and have never seen the look of fear in her eyes. Yes at least they know we was with them
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Timebomb, i often wonder if the fear in their eyes, your partner, my husband, was not the fear of facing death but the fear of leaving us behind? I have only just realised this while replying as a friend recently told me that my husband was constantly worrying about how I would cope when he was no longer here and it didnt quite sink in at the time. Its not an easy burden to carry is it, remembering when we locked eyes with our loved ones for the very last time, the confusion and fear in their eyes. I so feel for your pain. For me personally, my only comfort is that even if we were unable to offer the right words of comfort in their last moment on earth, the fact that we were with them would have been all the reassurance that they needed to know they were so loved until the very end. When their suffering ended, ours began. My only comfort is that it wasnt me thatvwent first and left my husbamd behind to live with the deepest grief ive ever known. Thank God he was spared that. It will take time. A long, long time to process Timebomb. You will find that gradually, happier thoughts of your partner will pop into your mind and temporarily judge away the memories that make us feel unhappy, anxious, even guilty. Thats not to say the sad memories leave. But every now and again, a happy memory will offer you a little reprieve, maybe a little smile too. Just take your time, let nature take its course, there is so much to process and we need to be kind to ourselves, take xare of our mental health, our broken heart health. One moment at a time. What we are experiencing is natural and normal. Know that you are loved and supported in this group xx
@Timebomb @Annalisa , My husband died in my arms on 10 January 2023 and I feel all the emotions you have mentioned. He had suffered with cancer for a number of years but battled it to the end. His death was not particularly pleasant and my memories of how he looked, haunts me every day. He never complained and made the most of life as best he could, always, somehow, having a sense of humour.
My life now is horrible but I try to make the most of each day, as we would have wished. I meet family and friends and set myself tasks. Loneliness is something I hate, as we all do in our situation. I always talk to my husband and have photographs around and one as a screen-saver on my iPad, and say “hello darling” when I log-on. I cry many times each day but I’m told it’s good to cry.
I am not in any way looking forward to the future and try not to think about it. My husband is at my side all the time.
Sending best wishes xx
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Rome18, your experience with your husband sounds exactly like mine, watching cancer rob us of our husbands, robbing us of our futures together is hard to bear. Im battling the torture of how my husband looked when he passed away in my arms 24 feb. He was deteriorating every day, was skin and bone, he literally was beyond recognition. He didnt even know. Like your husband, he never complained, always kept his sense of humour until the last couple of days before he passed away. Like you, im not thinki g about the future. Taking one day at a time is hard enough. People comment how strong i am, how well im coping. How little they know when i arrive home from work each night and close the door behind me. Solitude is my best friend right now, just to be alone with my thoughts and memories. Life will never be the same. That doesnt mean it wont be good again. Just in a different way. Our hus ands will always be part of our journey. Sending love to you xx
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I’ve since had PTSD counselling which has been a godsend .Sorry for late reply
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Timebomb, im so please you have taken the route of counselling. Donyou feel it’s helping you? It’s been 8 months and im getting worse. I cant shake off the way my husband passed, it haunts me every day. I realise i havent even begun to grieve his loss, im too attached and obsessed witht he way he died, the awful look on his face once he’d passed. I just cant get any of it out of my mind. Do you think this sounds like PTSD also? If so, do I need to see my GP for a referral? Id really welcome your advice. Im proud of you and your bravery in seeking help. Not easy for many to do xx