I am today sitting in the garden hoping that this is just a nightmare and my Brian will call out kettles on
I just think I am having a good day then something triggers my tears
Yesterday was a bad day having problems with his fish pond, just sat crying asking why he is not here with me.
I am so bitter as he died of an asbestos related cancer, which if the government had told people as soon as they knew the dangers, he would not have been working with it.
As I am sure many others have watched a loved one go from a big strong healthy man to a very sick person who you knew would never get better
I am going to try and do a bit in the garden today but just so lonely with no one to chatter with

His words to me Life goes On
But to be honest I wish mine didn’t

Hi June,

I feel the same - my life goes on but I wish it didn’t - that sounds awful when so many people would give anything to stay alive.
I’ll never get over my loss- he was a "strong healthy man " went out one night collapsed and died within 4 hours of leaving home. So many people we know have been ill for years and abuse their health but they’re still here.

My life has no meaning now , I’m so sad that he lost his life at the start of our retirement together all our plans have gone. So sad I had no chance to say goodbye

I’m not lonely but completely alone- each day is pointless- just filling in time till I go to bed - usually, about 8.30 when I can’t stand it any longer.

I’d give anything for another chance for him - for us.

I find being in the garden help or walking in the country.

I hope you get through the day ok, bank holidays and weekends are always worse.

take care, J x

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Hi June

I understand your feelings of it all being a nightmare. I am so sorry to read about your Brian, it is really is so unfair for him and you. I am sorry also that you are feeling you have no one to chat to.

I am at home Bank Holiday Monday on my own and missing my Mum dreadfully. Today is the second anniversary of her collapsing and being rushed to hospital. I found out she was terminally ill and she passed away less than two months later. I keep thinking to myself two years ago I had no idea what was in store for me.

I am going for a walk soon as need to get out even if only for an hour or so.

Take care and hope you can enjoy some gardening.


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Yes June, I completely understand you, and am sorry of the loss of your Brian. Out in the garden, I miss my Ann walking round, with two mugs of tea and mucking in, discussing garden issues ect. We have such a lovely garden, where, even in her wheelchair, she would help where could. It was left to itself last year after she died in April from MND, I wasn’t interested in anything. I was reminded by my kids, there mum would have hated seeing it go to rack and ruin, and convinced me to carry on and make it nice, how she liked it. So, it’s now back to its glory.
I do it for her! But, I do miss the chatter, and her, deciding where best for plants ect.
Life isn’t any easier fourteen months on, it’s still a lonely life, nobody to natter too, pass the time of day, go out with ect. Just taking one day at a time, expecting some kind of miracle, though I know not whats in store.
Keep the faith… John

Dear June and Brian, I completely understand how you both feel, my Peter passed away last August and the garden was left to it’s own devices since he was diagnosed in April. One of my daughters has been helping to cut back the ivy and brambles when she can but I am slowly getting to grips with the things that Peter used to do both in and outside. I too sit and ask why he’s not here with me, people think I am coping but I miss him terribly. The pergola he built looks a bit wonky so I am trying to find someone to fix it, Peter was so practical and now I have to pay people to do jobs he just got on with.
Wishing you both well, and know there is lots of support here.