No end of grieve

The same thoughts every day: how can I end my life and be with her. It has been 3 month since my love died in a foreign country where I saw her dying in the hospital. After so many years together we became one. I am 78 years now. Every day this nasty feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness and uselessness comes creeping and growing inside of me - can’t go on and can’t handle that - one of the children feels just the same and no GP, no pills can do anything about it … not even faith, or the many advices helping us …

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Klaus, Is ending your own life the answer? We don’t know if we meet up with loved who have passed away and if we do, are they the same person that we loved so much. My wife passed away some 6 weeks ago suffering from Alzheimers disease, and I wonder, if there is an afterlife, are they cured.I do hope that they are, as I cannot bear the thought that they aren’t. People will sympathise with you, tell you get out and meet up with people, but until they go through the same process that we are going through, they have no idea what we are going through.

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Yes Simon - you are right. Stepping to the ‘other side’ … will not result in a solution. It would bring more pain, to the children and that is not what we want. We will learn to live with it, the loss and maybe it is better that we are the ones who have been left. Because we do not want that our loved one has to suffer as we do now … so, seeing it this way is consoling, somehow ?

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Klaus,
We can console one another, but the pain and suffering goes on, and nobody knows how long it will go on, but we soldier on, for the sake of others who depend and love us, and in their own way try to support us the best way that they know how.

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Has anyone lost so.eone recently and cant go back to work?
I lost my wife in Nov last year, we’d been together nearly 40 years.
I just cant bring myself to go back to work and be ‘normal’.
Dont want or like the new normal. Spend every day trying to keep busy which helps but i just cant bare the thought of going back to work

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What is ’ normal’?

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I just lost my partner 9 days ago after nearly 25 years together. My heart is broken and I can’t cope anymore. I was with him when he passed away, I just want to know he is at peace. :cry:

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Danka,
I am so sorry for your loss, and like you, I was with my partner when they passed away. You say that you can’t cope, you will, as you will come to realise that you are stronger than you think that you are . You also ask, are they at peace, all we can do is hope that they are, as there’s no definitive answer to that question. I’m looking for that answer as well, and all I can come up with, is that they’re no longer suffering, but we are.

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Klaus the one thing that keeps me going is that one day I’ll see my partner again and if I did something to myself I fear I’d never see him again. He used to tell me it was harder for those left behind. He said he’d want me to go first so I wouldn’t suffer without him. Now I know what he meant. I have to live because that’s what he wanted me to do. It’s almost a year now. I’m still taking it one day at a time. Your family need you more than you probably realise. I take comfort that my partner is not suffering and is at peace. Love lives on with us. Take each day as it comes and at your own pace.

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@gazza1 everyone is different, I went back to work about a week after my wife’s funeral as I needed the routine and it kept me busy. I am not as effective as I once was, or find it at all enjoyable as I once did, but it passes the days.

Unfortunately we have little choice than to accept that this is our life now without them, whether we like it or not, I try and find small glimmers of happiness, even if it is just walking the dogs, or my football team winning, etc.

Keep coming on here for support as everyone is going through similar situations as yourself.

Take care…Pete

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all the of the ha - ha and hee - hee and shallow talk at a workplace is hard to take after deep loss.

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I am so sorry for your loss.i lost my husband in January this year ,He was at home when he died ,so i know how you feel. we had 25 years together …I am sure your partner is at peace now ,that is how i feel about my husband , It is early days for you and is a lot to take in. give yourself time to grieve,try and take one day at a time. that is how i try to cope .

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I lost my wife at home too it was horrific my worst nightmare come true.
There are no words that describe the pain and emotions we go through,its just so hard to comprehend
Im just taking it day by day,trying to keep busy. As you will know you have ‘ok’ days and low days.
Life without them is so hard to get used too, it seems unreal :broken_heart:

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Danka I understand, we all do here. It’s all so crazy and hard to get your head around. In 12 days time it’ll be a year since my partner died. Out of all the confusion I feel he’s at peace. When my partner died at that very moment I was blessed with knowing he was seeing beautiful things and I’m not actually deeply religious I somehow just knew. I’m grateful for that. I’m still struggling but it’s a comfort. Your husband’s at peace. Take it each day at a time. Do things at your own pace :heart:

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Dear Danka thank you - I will try, I have to do it for the children and their children, even they are far away …

Mazy, Thank you. My partner want me to live - she wrote it in a letter, a year before her death… found it …

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And - Simon… every day seems to be worse than the one before. The GP gave me just sleeping pills … I sleep 2-4 hours, I do tremble all over and I feel really bad in the evenings. I can’t remember where I put things and I feel frightened to go out because I can’t remember where I live and can’t find back by myself. Had to call a taxi last time. So shopping is possible, it is a straight road but going in to the city is impossible - no more orientation… and the worst is of course that there is no more communication - I do live now just by myself … walls do not talk…

it indeed feels unreal - and it is unreal. I don’t want to stress the item but TV, Radio and ‘doing things’ in my age, helps a bit. The children are far away, the neighbours are in their own stressing situation and we have to hold on to our learned discipline in order not to drive ourself in a situation which is even more unpleasant… this here already is a help - to me. I started to write again a diary with all things to do, have done, weather, thoughts and try to focus a bit into the future … I, and certainly others here have to learn to master our new lives - and it is a new one …

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Klaus That was a very beautiful thing your wife did. Her letter was a gift to you. Very special.

@klaus I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can definitely relate with what you’re saying. No pills, doctors can change anything. At least the pills are making me sleep and at least when I am asleep I don’t have to feel anything. I am just waiting till it gets dark so that I can go to sleep. But I spoke to someone today on Shout . She lost her partner years ago but found some happiness in her life. It was really comforting to know there are people who came through the grief and pain. Take care of yourself.