Me and Jim didn’t have any children so I haven’t got anyone to grieve with my mums in her 80s and not in good health so I try not to be sad when she’s around so I don’t upset her but inside I’m really hurting. I don’t have good neighbours more like neighbours from hell make my life a misery . So I feel really alone and so unhappy. I feel jealous when I see families in the street and wish I was that happy. Why has my life gone down the pan so quick one day we was happy and laughing now I’m sad and crying all the time. Mum just text to see how I am and I said I was fine but I’m not. Just had a shower but I’m so cold as I can’t have heating on as can’t afford it. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Hi misprint, I know you are a regular poster but you do seem to be in a bad place. You say your health is not good so are you seeing an community nurses or other medical staff because I think someone should be able to help you. I know how bad things are getting as far as heating and household bills but there is some help but really you need help to find it. If not, think about citizen advice who may be able to point you in the right direction.
Personally I have started wearing thicker clothing and what I can hide under a big floppy jumper is nobody’s business
Take care but keep warm. Sxx
I can’t seem to get any help I’m on uc and that’s it I can’t work because of health issues I worry about the bills I only have £50 a week to live on so I’m not got a lot to pay bills I don’t eat much so that’s not a problem plus I’m been to food bank very embarrassing. I never lived like this in my life and find it very demoralising. I was Jim’s career and we managed on his pension we had a good life and even saved to go on holiday but now it’s all over and my life is a mess I’m selling lots of stuff and trying to put a bit by for Jim’s headstone .
Hi misprint I know what you’re saying trying to manage finances on one income, my ssp has now finished so I just go round turning all the lights off and thicker clothing, we have to have the heating on with my grandson when he’s here but otherwise we turn it off I have asked my sons to contribute to the bill especially as they do use most of the electric, but it’s a worry, I’m not going out today it’s too cold I’m going to write up the texts we sent each other over the eight weeks he was ill just in case I lose them, when you write about Jim I can see how much you loved each other and how he made you feel so special, we were lucky to have our husbands but tragically it was not long enough, thinking of you sending love and hugs xx
We loved each other very much I wish I had told him more. Hearing all about no 10 party is really upsetting me although jim didn’t have covid I wasn’t allowed to visit him when he needed me and I will never forgive the government for that. I’m in bits today and don’t know wot to do
I know I feel upset too because we weren’t aware there was nothing else they could do my husband went into hospital ten days before he died unnecessarily for three days and I wasn’t allowed to visit either and I see it as stolen time, the worse thing was at that time everything was a crisis and our moments together were snatched but now he’s gone and I’m alone and I have all the time in the world to sit and reflect, none of it makes sense, I just feel incredibly sad all the time, hugs xx
I meant to say I walked to Kingston Lacey kitchen gardens yesterday and sat in the walled garden in the sunshine and was joined by a lovely slender robin who sat with me for at least half an hour, it was one of our favourite places xx
How lovely i was in a shop yesterday and a Robin was in window trying to get out so I cupped him in my hands and got him out thk it was jim saying hi.
Dear Misprint, It’s so unfair to have to struggle financially when you have lost your husband. You have enough to cope with. I know it not any of my business but have you considered getting some advice about benefits? Perhaps a phone call to citizens advice. You say your health isn’t good, you might might find you can apply for PIP which is not taxable and doesn’t effect UC. PIP is a payment to help people who have difficulty coping with everyday things because of ill health and disabilities. It is possible to get it for mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
I don’t know if you applied for bereavement support payment. It isn’t much but it might help.
There are some online benefit calculators which can help you work out if you are getting what you are entitled to.
It is very cold today and I am worried about you. Love from Sky
Thank you so much for sharing so openly in this thread. I’m so sorry to hear you are having money worries as well as dealing with the loss of your Husband. I’d also like to thank all of those who have responded so kindly and offered advice on here.
As a couple of people have said - for those who are worrying about finances (@MAB, I can see you have mentioned this too), please do have a look at the Citizens Advice website.
There is lots of useful information on there - this page in particular might be helpful: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/benefits-introduction/what-benefits-can-i-get/.
If you would prefer to speak to someone directly, you can find their contact details here: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/.
As @Sky has mentioned - if you haven’t already, you might also be able to apply for Bereavement Support Payments - you can read more about these here: https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment.
I also want to say, please don’t feel embarrassed about having to use a Food Bank. Those feelings are completely understandable if you haven’t needed to rely on support like this before, but that is exactly why they are there - it’s so important you continue to eat properly and look after yourselves.
Please know you do not need to struggle alone - please do consider reaching out to Citizens Advice to see if you can get some more help and support.
Take lots of care,
Your income does not seem good at all. Do you not receive. a pension in your own right or at you not eligible yet!? Also, you should surely receive part of your husband’s work pension. I get £210 per month from my husband’s private pension and £200 per month from his state pension which tops my own state pension up. Please go to Citizens Advice and see if they can help you. Good luck.x
I’m so sorry for the circumstances you find yourself in, I can totally relate as mine are almost identical. No children, no brothers or sisters, just my mum who is 93 next week.
My husband was the bread winner in our marriage I worked until my dad died in 2009 when I finished to help my mum who was left on her own.
I have had no income apart from the £100 a month widows pension since my husband died suddenly & unexpectantly in July last year, so for the past 6 months I have been living on the bit of savings we had.
At 59 I am 6 years below pension age, so now find myself having to start job hunting. It is so scary having to start this whole new life alone without your partner you’ve spent your whole life with. It is so unfair that you are left to struggle financially, as if the loss of your partner & having your whole life ripped from under you is not bad enough. The fact that people are left to be cold because they can’t afford to put the heating on is absolutely disgusting, I do hope you can get some help. Love to you x
Dear Keskai and Misprint
As others have highlighted if your husband’s had work pensions then there is usually spousal support as part of this. I know it is none of my business but please look into this with their employers. If you want to private message me to see if there is any advice I can give then please do.
I gave up work to be mark’s carer. He was retired but I have another 6 years to get my pension. I’m lucky that I have his private pension to draw on but I will still have to be careful with money.
I don’t know if you are below pension age but if you are you can claim bereavement allowance which is £2500 lump sum and £100 a month for 18 months. Have you looked into other benefits you might be able to claim.
Take care of yourself xx
I find myself in same position. My husband was 10 years older than me and retired but I have 6 years until I get my pension. I gave up work in 2019 to be his carer. Same as you only income is £100 bereavement support. I am able to draw money from his private pension and hoping I can manage to get by without working. I can’t bear the thought of looking for work apart from anything else confidence is so low.You are right we have enough to deal without all this as well.
My husband had only been in his last job for a couple of years before he died so his pension wasn’t much, certainly not enough for me to live on more than a few months. He had already had his pension from previous employment which we had lived on when he was recovering from a knee replacement a few years ago.
I have my first job interview on Wednesday, not where I thought I would be or what I would be doing at this point in my life but it is where I find myself, I have no choice & will just have to get on with it.
Good luck with the interview. I know it’s not what you want but you never know it could just be helpful having something to focus on. Who knows what is helpful or not at this awful time
Yes, it’s terrible You could never imagine that you could feel so very awful,and that such a dreadful thing could happen.I,m like you, no children, as my wife was same sex.We were together for over 50 years, and she suddenly died on front of me last April., and I,ve had little support.
I just keep occupied.Go out each day, even just to the coffee shop and Tesco.Keep busy.I,m having some photos done in a collage,so have been busy arranging those.
I hope you have some friends to talk to, or the help lines do help if you just feel like someone to speak to.Do what you like doing, indulge yourself if you can.
It’s so awful, I couldn’t really believe what had happened for a long long time.This site helps.Put down your thoughts and feelings, no matter what.
I got sick of hearing it, but time will, eventually, ease your upset.Thinking Of you.Remember, on here, we,re all in the same boat.Very best Wishes to you,