I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, but I don’t believe the way I feel is ‘normal’.
I lost my mother last year on July 15th and yesterday was the first anniversary.
Yet, I don’t feel sad or emotional. I don’t feel like I want to visit any relatives or go anywhere that was special to her. Nothing.
It was the same when she died. I felt absolutely nothing. I didn’t cry or shout. I just went on as normal. Worked, come home, made sure the kids were fine.
It’s like I’m some sort of Vulcan.
But then, I was the same when my Father died, Grandparents and even close friends.
I don’t have any religion, there was no comfort in that
My mother didn’t have a funeral, it was one of those direct cremation things.
Am I that cold hearted that I don’t feel loss?
Is anyone else the same?
Would be interesting to find out.
Hi @walkerjames1972 i dont believe there is a right or wrong way to be, we all deal with things differently and we all find comfort differently too. Some people will cry for a long time, some not at all and some will stop crying sooner than others.
Also some people talk about their loss some choose not too, some find comfort in spending time with people, some prefer to be alone. Also there will be those who struggle to find any comfort.
There is no rule book i dont think.
Have you thought about counselling?
Take care x
Thank you for your reply. It’s good to know that there is no rule book as such.
To feel absolutely nothing about my mums death, is apparently very wrong in some people’s eyes, but I can’t fake what I don’t feel.
The one and only time I got extremely upset about a death, was when my dog died. He was with me for 16 years and when he died, it tore pieces out of me like you wouldn’t believe.
He died back in 2010. And I still think about him now. Even find it hard to look at a photo of him.
So, I feel that way about my pet, but not my parents?
@walkerjames1972 there is nothing wrong with how you feel. i am the same in many ways. society tells us when someone dies we have to be crying, pulling our hair out, grieving for yrs etc and it shouldnt have to be like that. i cried whennhubby died after 47 yrs yes because it was sudden and i would miss him but also for the mess he had left me in. but that was the first day or so, i havent done since. i never cried when parents died or friends but i did when queen died funny enough.
i have cried over pets before now and a song or film can do it but i think when it comes to people, its part of life, if its your time to go then nothing anyone can do about it.
i wouldnt worry about it, everyone does it different, there are no rules only society that tells us how to grieve