Hi. I lost my husband to bowel cancer 22 days ago following a 2 and a half year battle which he fought amazingly well. We were together for 25 years and we were just meant to be together. We both lived for eachother and our children.
Since he died i have been keeping busy with lots of visitors, arranging the funeral, supporting the children who are now young adults. They have both gone back to college, one is away and ine at home.
I am concerned as i just feel numb. I cannot picture him in our home or remember how it felt to see him, touch his face or hold his hand. The only feeling that i have is anxiety but i cant work out what i feel anxious about. I want to grieve, cry and miss him like i should and what he deserves. He was an amazing husband, dad and i love him with all my heart.
We spoke about having no regrets before he died, how much we loved each other and what an amazing marriage we had.
I feel there is something wrong with me. Does anyone have any insight or experience of this please?
Thanks so much.
Im 5 months on and was married 29 years,together 34.
I have and still do feel the things you do.
Some days it seems impossible to go on.I say to myself “come on Jane, you need to get out of bed” and i physically and mentally push myself to do just that.This is the single most difficult thing ive ever experienced.But know youre amongst people who share this same experience and keep posting, youre not alone.
Hi c.bell
Don’t worry, what you have described is quite normal. I think most people have a period of “busy” directly afterwards and it doesn’t hit them at all then. I certainly had that. Then for quite a long time you are just in shock and that is the numbness and anxiety that you are feeling at the moment. It is sort of your mind’s defence mechanism and its way to help you take things at a slow pace. You will grieve in all sorts of ways for a long time, just not necessarily how you expect this quickly.
I don’t think it makes any difference when you know that your husband is ill and may die (that was the same for me). It really doesn’t change the shock when it actually happens. But it is so wonderful that you talked about what an amazing marriage you had had. Hold that with you.
Take it steady and read around the forum and keep posting and get support here.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.
It’s probably self preservation…
No one’s journey with, and through, grief will be the same as another’s.
Just make time for yourself… to look after yourself, to just sit, to think, to cry, to grieve or to do nothing at all.
Hugs x
I lost my partner of 35 years 3 months ago and I don’t feel like I’m really grieving yet. I too feel sad all the time but I’m not able to connect the sadness I feel to him. When I do get a moment of clarity, the pain is overwhelming. I have read that because the loss is so big, your mind filters the grief, which seems to make sense to me. I hoped this has helped a little? Take good care of yourself x
So sorry you feel like this. I think its too soon for all the grief to show itself. Feeling numb is normal and trying to picture him at home is hard because its so soon after loosing him. The grief will show itself in time and you will be able to remember how you used to feel. Give it time. Dont worry about it. You loved him and that will always be with you and express itself in various ways. The anxiety comes from caring about him for a long time. I still suffer anxiety from losing my husband 14 months ago and the stress of coping.
Thank you everyone for your very kind and reassuring words. They have all helped. X