No funeral and no grave

So my dad chose to have a cremation with no service.
It’s a long story but he felt it would be more painful to bring different factions of the family after he passed.

I was his main carer and when my mum,his ex wife, heard he was in hospital she moved back into his home. My brother visited him in hospital and when he passed, I found a bag of all of mine and my daughter’s belongings behind a chair in the room. I realised I wasn’t welcome there now. My mother texted me that day to demand the death certificate.

I am very lucky as he left us with his beautiful dog although I now have no family apart from my beautiful daughter.

They did tell my cousin what day he would be cremated so I had that at least. He has no grave, no stone, no memorial, no ceremony and no gathering in his honour. No record of the amazing impact he had on people’s lives.

I find that I don’t feel he was honoured in any way and his passing just dismissed… I know other people are in a similar position and wondered if it might be something that resonates?

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Hello @Sorcha,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. It sounds like you did your best to respect his wishes, but it can be hard when a loved ones dies and we don’t have the opportunity to remember them.

You mention there being no record of the amazing impact he had on people’s lives. You might want to explore starting a memory box - you can read more about memory boxes on our Grief Guide. Here are some more ideas on remembering and honouring loved ones who opted not to have a funeral or ceremony.

Thank you again for reaching out - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share, too.

Take good care,

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I had no funeral for Penny. She hated do’s and would have refused to come.

She had a direct cremation, with no mourners. I knew when the cremation was taking place, but I didnt want her to go alone, so myself and a couple of her closest friends (plus her dogs) turned up at the crematorium and sat with our thoughts in the garden.

Her life was worth celebrating, so I booked a room and a buffet and 40 people turned up to celebrate it.

We had hugs and tears, but also laughter as several people talked of her. We had photos scrolling across a large screen, my mate wrote and performed a song for her, I sang her favourite song.

It was a lovely memorable day, and we all left with loads of happy memories of her. No doubts about it at all, mine will be exactly the same.