I lost my husband, Ian, over four years ago and I’ve reached the stage of seeing myself with no future.
I’ve done everything one is told to do - volunteer, make new friends, have counselling for complicated grief, take medication, start a new hobby etc
None of this helps with the abject loneliness of living without Ian. I wake up to an empty house and go to sleep in one…..
I do have family but they live far away and to be honest, I’m just so tired of trying to get through every day. I can keep myself busy and distracted but that’s all I’m doing and it’s exhausting!
I’m lucky to have family who care but I’m just told to seek more counselling or change medication. I don’t think I have the energy to go through all that again.
The thought of another year like the last four is just too awful to contemplate. A close friend told me recently how sad I look when I thought I was masking how I was feeling inside.
Little did I think that four years after losing Ian, I would be feeling this way.
I can see me being the same l will never get over losing the love of my life we married 55 years been together since we was 15 years old but if lm still feeling like lm feeling now then l don’t think l will be here take care x
Hi Trixie, I feel exactly the same as you and sadly a bit further on in time, It doesnt seem to make any difference what I do Pete is always there in my thoughts and nothing I do seems to heal me inside.
Perhaps this is what happens when you love someone very .deeply.
Thank you for your reply. I’m so sorry to hear you feel as I do.
I find it difficult now to comfort those who are ‘recently’ bereaved as I can’t, in all honesty, tell them it will improve with time. How I wish I could …….
I still find it so hard to talk about Ian without dissolving into tears, so often I just keep quiet and say nothing. I’ve taken to avoiding situations where I might be asked about my past or present situation. I know people are just being friendly but it’s embarrassing for them (and me) if I just start crying.
I seem to be going backwards but don’t know how to change.
Thank you for replying to my post. I wish I could tell you that it will be better for you but I can’t. I hope it will be, but none of us knows how grief will hit us.
I can’t believe that after four years I still feel as I do. If I’d been asked before I lost Ian , I would have replied ‘no way’. We used to joke that if anything happened to either of us, I would cope but Ian wouldn’t. How wrong was I!
I’m sat writing this, sat in his car and overlooking Dartmoor where I live. I do this nearly everyday as I don’t want to return to my empty house. I leave the house as soon as I can and return as late as I can. My daughter is always telling me I have a warm and comfortable house, but it’s just an empty shell now.
No lm the other way l don’t like leaving the house was supposed to be going for a xmas meal and show tonight with my daughters and some friends but have had anxiety all week thinking about it so lm not going to go my my daughters are not now l just can’t wait till l get home