No future

My loving husband passed away 4 days ago
My pain is unbelievable I feel like I can’t go on
Our kids are grown up this was suppose to be our time to do things
I can’t see any future for me now
I do want to move house for a fresh start but then I don’t want to move
Without him
I can’t imagine life without him :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved:

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Hello Dotty, my husband died 7 months ago… the first 4 or 5 months were absolutely overwhelming hell and the ones since not that much better but I’m learning to cope gradually. I wanted to kill myself for a long time but now I don’t somehow and I’m glad i didn’t so far.

You’re right the future is gone as we knew it. it’s best not to think about that and just get through each minute focusing as much as possible on right now. The future is an overwhelming mess now but you just need to focus on right now and much later some answers may come.

Do you need a drink, do you need food, do you need to rest (even if can’t sleep) do you need to move… from one moment to the next to keep existing.

It’s utterly devastating and 4 days is just total bewilderment so don’t do more than you have to.

keep talking on here, it helped me keep going but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done/doing so my true sympathy to you.

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I am so sorry Dotty. You will be in that time where everything is surreal - although it still seems to be for me 3 months on. Like Fleur de Lis says, just focus on each minute or hour. Breathe through it, it’s all you can do sometimes. Like you, it was going to be our time (my husband was 50) and now my future is shattered, gone. I keep going for my two young adult children. I have no other purpose. The whole point of my life was being with him and now I can’t be. Take support from wherever you can. You can sign up for Sue Ryder or Cruse counselling or you can talk to your doctor. I found the website refugeingrief.com useful - it’s written by someone who has been there. People on here understand so keep posting. Sending hugs

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Dear Dotty666

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings regarding this being your time. My husband was 60 and I was three months from retirement when he died. This overwhelming grief makes you question everything.

As FleurDeLis and Jules4 have said just take one day at a time or just an hour at a time whatever you can cope with. I did not seek out counselling immediately thinking that I could get through it on my own or with the support that I had around me at the time, but perhaps it is something for you to think about further down the line.

Others on this site understand and are here to listen.

Take care.

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Hi Dotty666, I’ve just read your post about your poor husband… I have no word’s to console you. And I wouldn’t be condescending and say I understand. The only position I understand is my own. Which is 3 months gone. And believe me when I say that I’m a 53 Yr old man who bursts into tears walking round tesco. And between you, me and the gatepost suicide was has been a tempting out of the relentless pain I have in my heart. As soon as I wake till I… Oh yeah I don’t sleep… Maybe 3 hrs. I’ve lost a stone in 3 weeks and cannot face people at all.
My Sammy was my beginning and end. The only life I wanted. Yet I broke my promise to her and now St Peter has welcomed her. So please never think that no one will listen. Because the members on here are absolutely amazing. We all have our own stories and our own fears. But we all pray for each other and you know the support from here is from the heart and totally genuine.
Not some uni graduate who wouldn’t know his arse from his elbow.

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Hi
Thankyou for your message
I feel just like you I know it’s very raw for me at the moment hasn’t been a week since the love of my life was cruelly taking away from me
I have the funeral to face next Thursday I’m so scared
As I’m typing this message now my Ian is in the chapel of rest over the road from my house I can see the funeral directors from my window
I just want to run over there and wake him up and kiss and cuddle him
I just can’t focus on anything I don’t know what day it is lose track of time
Everyday is a blur
I too have lost 2 stone in 3 months
I looked after Ian for 6 months while he was ill I was worn out I didn’t want to leave him for one second
I had to watch this big strong 6ft 2 man go to nothing
I felt like I lost him as soon as he was diagnosed now I have lost him for a second time
I have been very down and suicide myself
I want to be with him but I know he woudnt want that
He said he needs me to be strong and look after myself and my kids
I see couples walking together talking and laughing I know I won’t ever have that again with my husband
We have been together 25 years that’s near enough half my life
I hope this pain I’m in will at least start been bearable
I only joined this forum a couple of days ago people like yourself have made me feel like I’m not alone I feel supported
I have my family which are great but they don’t feel the pain I do from losing my soul mate
Thankyou again
Marie x

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Prayers and blessings to you. But, I would like to say that next week on your second darkest of days all members on here will pray for you. Xx

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I am so sorry that you too are in the pain that all on here feel. You are not alone, people here will support you and think about you. At the moment it is a matter of taking it breath by breath. There are some days when I have just had to focus on breathing. I hope that friends and family are stocking your freezer. Mine did for me and that was what kept me eating in the early days. Sending hugs

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Thankyou so so much for your advice I’m overwhelmed how people are lovely
At this moment this forum is a great comfort to me x

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Dotty 666
This forum helped me more than anything to keep going aty lowest point. I thought grief lasted a month or two until my Ron died and then I knew how wrong I had been. I was out of my mind with the effects of grieving. The memories, the all consuming thoughts of my husband,the desperate loneliness. I thought I was alone feeling as I did but this forum made me see that I wasn’t. Day or night there is always someone to help, no matter what you feel.
I hope the forum makes you feel that you have friends with you along your journey. I am so sorry for your loss. X

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Dear Dotty,
I know your pain, but I can’t alleviate it.
I lost my wonderful David a year ago, and I still can’t really believe it.
For the past year my mantra has been, get up, get dressed and get on with it. This year it’s I’ve mastered survival mode now I have to think about living. It will take a long time for the living part to happen.

Be kind to yourself, set a good routine, and keep doing it!

Much love
Xxx

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I’m so sorry for your loss
I feel like there’s no life anymore I’m not eating really
Its so strange not making meals for us both
I feel like there’s no point getting dressed I have give nearly all my clothes away
What’s the point in trying to look nice I only wanted to look nice for Ian everything I did was for Ian
I’m so low I feel that I just want to be with him thankyou so much for taking the time to send a lovely message xx

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Dearest Dotty666, even as I read your polite, I do understand your absolute despair with life. I really do. After 3 months of turmoil since Sammy passed, the obstacles seem to stack up constantly. Just when you think your starting to make a glint of progress something else is kindly placed in the old inbox.
My latest worry is my cats. I know that may sound a bit low on the worry chart, but it’s all I seem to have left of my life with Sammy. I’ve been unable to work for a few months now and got a couple of months left on my sick note, but then I’ll have to go back to work and possibly move, the place where I live is sheltered accommodation which was for Sammy being disabled. When I go back to work, how can I responsibly say my cats are properly cared for if I’m out all day at work. It’ll be like animal cruelty and I will not be apart of that. It’s like starting to grieve all over again. My cats are the only constant in my life at the moment, they are 2 female house cats that love me unconditionally and just want to be loved. I know that logic dictates I’m going to have to rehome them. But my heart is screaming in pain once again… Does this ever come to an end?
My family tries, they really do. But I’m at the stage where I don’t want to ask for help anymore.
Funny actually, I’m a bit of a hypocrite, I’m happy talking to people, trying to comfort them in such crisis, but I won’t take my own advice. What does that make me?..

I think it’s easier to give advice than take it - certainly for me. When we give advice, we feel we have a little bit of purpose. If we can help someone just a little bit then there was a point to the day. Taking our own (or others) advice is hard because we are hurting so, so much. We all know we should eat, but cooking for one and eating when we don’t have any motivation to - well that’s another matter.

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Hi
First thing you are not a hypocrite at all
There’s nothing much people can say but coming from a person who is going through the same awful thing means alot thankyou
Im the same as you I have 5 house cats and a small dog
They are mine and Ian’s babies the oldest one is 16 the youngest is 7 so they have been a big part of our life’s
They know something isn’t right they miss they dad
They my world they give me a purpose in life and they keep me busy
I do have alot of family here for me but at the end of aday it’s me and them
There was one of Ian’s family said I should think about getting them rehomed they thought I might not be able to cope
I
That makes me more determent to prove them wrong
To be honest I felt like saying why don’t you get rid of your kid haha
Take care Marie x

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my wife’s cat trusted her only and preferred her company. He for the last 2 months has been sitting on my wife’s chair at meal time. Clearly he misses her like my daughter and I do.
Yesterday he climbed over my tummy when I was lying on bed. The first time ever. I’m glad he gathers his courage and trusts another person. Cats grief too.

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That’s so very true
My cats and my little dog are looking for they dad it’s so awful to see they just don’t understand
I really don’t know how I would cope without my fur babies

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