I am so sorry. I understand what you mean. I have gone out to replace things but have had to return home empty handed because could not face buying without my husband (also called Ian). Now for the third time our boiler has issues and I am in pieces. My husband would have been the one to step in and just tell me to make a cup of tea while he sorted it. I fortunately took out a boiler contract after he died but they cannot attend until next week so that will be days of worrying, stressing and crying. I just need my husband here to give me the reassurance he always gave me in these situations. Life is just so unbearable without him.
Hi.
A small hill, becomes a mountain, when you find yourself alone, what works for me, is small steps, doing things, that you did as a 2, is now done alone, you learn to live with it, but it never feels right. Take care all.
Hello Trixie
My heart goes out to you, but Iâm afraid six weeks is no time to grieve. Iâm afraid that it takes time to get through these many emotions.
However on the positive side, very slowly and I mean slowly we do learn to live with our loss. We learn to adapt our lives to what we have to cope with although never knowing when the grief monster will attack as those bad days are still there but they become less frequent. Donât be afraid of the tears they are your tribute to someone you love very much. A release valve that will do you no harm.
I am over two years now since my loss and like so many others I wondered how I was ever going to get through it but somehow we do.
Wise words indeed from PeteE49 he is correct. Small steps and we do learn to live with it but please donât try to rush yourself.
I whole hearty agree with you Pattidot and Pete49. You can be ok one minute and then you get hit like a lightning bolt that takes you back to the beginning . Small steps. Big hugs to everyone on the site.
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. It really does help to hear from other people who, sadly, have had a similar experience. It helps me feel less lonely knowing that I can always reach out to you all.
I have been surprised how quickly texts from distant family and friends have stopped. I was inundated in the few weeks after the loss of Ian with condolences and offers of help, come and stay etc but now mainly silence. Have other people experienced this?
Common thing, people stop messages, stop calling, assume you are okay, however, how many times , do people ask how are you, and we reply okay, when you are not. Take care, try to stay strong.xx
Dear Trixie1
ontact from close family, my husbandâs youngest brother and his family in particular, have stopped except perhaps the odd text telling me what they have been up to as a way to explain why they have not been bothered to pick up the phone. Fortunately I have always had a close relationship with my two adult nephews - I was only 15 when the first was born - and they and their wives have continued to be a great support. Other than that I have now stopped trying to call those who said they were there if I needed anything because they never returned the calls when I was in desperate need of their help.
We are sailing this sea of grief alone for the most part and thatâs why this forum is so important to many of us.
I know what you mean Trixie1. In the first few weeks I received so many cards and flowers that I actually thought another bunch of flowers would make me throw up! Now, apart from a couple of close friends, I only get texts and emails if I make the first move which is really hard.
@Trixie1 so sorry you are going through this too. It is an absolute nightmare in many ways. This site helps you feel less alone and reassures you that you are not going mad. It is over 8 months for me. It is odd because I found in the early days and weeks I was bombarded with messages, phone calls etc. At that time I wanted to be left alone. At around 6-8 weeks I realised that hardly anyone was contacting me, but that was when I needed support most.
The only way I have got through the past months is by not looking very far ahead. I started thinking an hour or so ahead, gradually increased it to a day, then a week. Every so often now I will look a few weeks ahead, but no more as it is scary. Please keep posting/reading on here. I was around the 6 weeks when I joined. Donât know how I would have coped without it, especially in those early months. I used to give myself 4-5 tasks a day. Didnât always complete them, but it gave me a bit of focus, and sometimes 2 jobs out of 5 is an achievement. Best wishes.
Hi all, to think of the future really upsets me, I cant bare the thought of Christmas coming up and birthdays without my mum, she passed away in July and the pain in my heart is so intense, I wake up every morning and canât believe its happened, I feel so lost, guilty shes not here, and angry she went so quickly, life is so cruel sometimes I just get through each day the same my life will never be the same now shes gone, I wish I could hear from her, know shes ok it hurts not knowing, this site is really helpful, just to message people who know what your going through, its going to be a long journey for all of us and I dont really know how we will get through it but I feel everyoneâs pain & hope we can all be there for each other, you are all in my thoughts
Take care all of you
Lynn x
Itâs been 7 weeks now since Ian passed away and it seems to be getting harder not easier. Itâs comforting in a strange way that it also became very difficult for you between 6-8 weeks.
Everywhere I go it brings back memories of what we used to do and will never do again. I find myself crying at the slightest thing.
My daughter is with me for another week and then I will be on my own. She has kept me very busy and it must be hard for her seeing me so upset. She wants me to get a dog as I live on Dartmoor but I donât want the commitment at the moment.
I found myself talking to Ian last night before I realised he wasnât there.
Iâve even message him using WhatsApp and tell him about my day.
Take care
Trixie 1 I got a rescue dog, the best thing Iâve done since loosing my darling wife. My little girl is good, and great company. Yes, itâs a commitment but the love she gives back is brilliant. When I get upset she jumps up on the couch next to me and in her own way snuggles up to me and gets my hand on her head to get me stroking her. Sheâs basically a constant companion that seems to understand my feelings.
I thought I was going great guns, I actually said yesterday was a good day (which I feel guilty about saying) but today Iâve hit a wall. My lovely man died almost a year ago and today I went to an event which was always his thing, felt his not being there so badly. I foolishly thought nearly a year down the road I was ok now, how daft can you be. Guess it will take forever.
Kathy 1, Iâm just over 2 years down the line and the number of times Iâve hit that wall, itâs unbelievable. But you go on because itâs what our loved ones would want us to do. Donât feel guilty about âgood daysâ because for every good one you have youâll have a shed load of ok and bad ones.
Itâs 15 months, for me, Granddaughter, stopping tonight, she said today, Nannie is going to come down from the sky (thatâs whereshe lives now). ,and she is going to live in Nannies old house( I had to move recently). Boy, I was finding it hard not to cry. Take care all.
PeteE59, I know what you mean. My granddaughterâs little girl asked me, about a month after I lost my wife, âgranddad are you sad that nanny has gone to heaven?â Talk about choked, but I just smile at her and said yes my love, Iâm very sad. She gave a big hug, thank god she went straight out to play again because I couldnât hold back the tears after she had gone out. I think it is the total innocence of their questions that really gets to us. Keep your chin up mate.
So sorry for all your losses xx , i I lost my partner Tony in February my first love in 1975 then again in 2020 after we had both had 2 marriages and children, we idolized each other and was so looking forward to our future Tony wound say even if we only have 10 years it would be wonderful, he also used to say if anything happens to me youâve given me the best year if my life like he knew something was going to happen I find it so hard to accept
Itâs been a while since Iâve posted here but for some reason, the tears wonât stop flowing today.
I just canât come to terms with my husband, Ian, passing away 12 weeks ago after only 7 weeks from a cancer diagnosis. He was seemingly fit and healthy and even when he was having initial tests, the doctor jokingly said he looked too well to be there. How could he have died just 7 weeks later!
I am currently staying with my son and family in Spain and donât want to return to the UK to an empty house. I know I will have to and I canât outstay my welcome. I would just like to disappear as canât face a future on my own without Ian.