I’ve been posting on this site and spending almost all day reading posts. Is it weird that doing this makes me feel a little better. It’s been 3 weeks my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly to cardiac arrest. I’m still in disbelief but it hits me every other second. I cry everyday. I have started counselling and also on anti depressants. I don’t feel like eating anything. I can go all day without eating but my sister makes me do it. My mom was only 58 and I’m 31. I feel it’s so unfair and total injustice. I’m angry but I don’t know angry at what.
If I go for walk (I have done it twice so far) I feel guilty. It feels like I’ve moved on and losing mom is ok. I don’t want to move on. I want my mom back. my mom is my everything. I can’t imagine life without her. I have to live for my dad but how am I going to do this without talking to my mom. I hate this life without her. I hate everything. I hate everyone. I am going crazy.
I was an only child. I know how you might be feeling. It IS a terrible time … it is like the mountain we are forced to climb. Cannot go around or through but up it.
I used to worry I would forget them in time. Not true. I remember the pain being so great, I thought: this is what it is to go insane.
Seek counseling and grief support groups, if you can. Be there for your dad. You will look back and be glad you were there for him. Take it slowly.
Thanks Berit for reaching out. Sorry for your loss. I will try (that’s the only thing I can say)
It’s unfair and I am not ready to accept it. I am 31 but feel like a kid who is lost in a crowded area and trying to find her mom.
You are a child lost without her mom!
It is so young to lose her and I am so sorry. Try to be the mother to yourself that she was to you. And hold her close. It helps a lot. When I lost my dad, in my mind he was always telling me what to do next. Listen as I think they still speak to us and be with your dad. You can serve life in that way.
They are still guiding us and they will continue doing that.
My inner voice is totally replaced by my mom
So whenever I hear my inner voice it’s mumma.
Ill never be ok and I have accepted that. How can you be ok without your best friend.
one day far in the future things will ease.
you have suffered a huge loss. do not expect much from life right now … nor yourself.
you have to just think of them and hold true their values and what they taught you.
in my case, I am my mom now, kind, ethical and true and people really respond to me … an embodiment of my sweet mom. but take it easy and mourn and do what you need to, for YOU. and your dear dad.
I lost my parents quite close together and not long out of my 20s. My sibling and I both went through exactly the same loss and both dealt with it so very differently. I sometimes feel very fortunate to find the route that I did. I’m not sure it was a conscious decision, but I found a point at which I realised that there was little point in thinking I could beat the grief. There was always going to be moments where it bit me or tried to upend me. That acceptance made it easier.
I have just joined this group because I am at one of those moments. Not much of a trigger on this occasion. Just feeling low about myself and that reminds me of such a tough time, a time when I was truly at my lowest.
It’s time like this that catch me out. What I call trivial for most is actually the stuff I most underestimate. Stress through work, feeling tired, feeling unfit or putting on weight, people not paying me enough attention. The usual insecurities I promised wouldn’t hurt me after my parents died.
I won’t offer any advice. I always pushed back when it felt like people were preaching to me so I won’t do the same here. But I will continue to talk out loud if it will help.
Despite all this, I am very happily married, have two wonderful kids, work is tiring but the job is ok and we’ll be holidaying as a family for the first time since Covid. So things aren’t so bad at all.
I hope you find your way. I found the loss so unbearable at the time, but have managed to move forward. People who suggested to me that you will ‘move on’ couldn’t fathom how life would work for me. You can move forward, you never truly move on. Xxx
Thanks Pillar. Everyone handles grief in their own way. It can never be suppressed. I don’t know much about grief because this is the first time it has captured me. I don’t know how to keep going on without my mom. I’ve this anger -why did this happen to her? She is the nicest person I knew, she helped everyone, she believed in God, she helped animals. She is an amazing mom. Always helped me and guided me. Everyone says that her world revolved around me. So I’m angry that how a perfectly fit person with no heart issues (her routine tests were all normal) can get a massive cardiac arrest and leaves me at that instant. She is snatched from me, from a daughter who needs her the most.
Now I have to keep going on? Why? This is becoming difficult for me. Time is not healing anything. The only thing I don’t do anymore is rolling on the floor crying and resisting food. I am sad. I haven’t thought about anything other than my mom in the last three weeks.
I’m actually a very emotional person and has anxiety issues. That got elevated now. My doc has prescribed me anti depressants but they don’t solve my problem. I also started bereavement counselling. It helps but again doesn’t solve my problem and I know no one can. The solution is bringing my mom back!
It is an unsolvable problem isn’t it. You can’t get back all which you have lost and however illogical…your mind cannot accept that. All perfectly understandable feelings.
You will find your own way. My sibling had (as I mentioned) an entirely different reaction to me. He waited for life to pay him back what was owed, something that is (again) a perfectly human instinct. I allowed myself moments of that at times. But regrettably that is not how it all works in the end. He died just shy of his 40th and only a month short of his only daughter’s 1st birthday. Life truly too short for him and for my parents too. If I could have changed his mindset, I would have. But ultimately he controlled his own outlook and there was little I could do to change it. No regrets in the end as I have learned to accept that it was nothing I did, nothing I could say or do would have changed the outcome.
I hope you find your way forward and as soon as you can. It is such an awful time and grief can be so consuming. My Brother had so much support that congregated around him at the time that my parents died. I remember (somewhat embarrassed to recall) almost feeling envious, jealous even of that. But in the end, it meant I had so much time to myself to try and compartmentalise my feelings. He had more distractions than I and maybe didn’t get the time and space to try and find a way to deal with it all. Who knows!? Again, you just find your own way I believe.
Much love and support to you. Xx
I am so sorry for your loss.I was 33 last year when I lost my mum.The world didn’t make sense anymore it still doesn’t.You have to give yourself time.Three weeks is so early in your grief.Ive found that as time has gone by it has helped.I still have dark days and it still feels surreal but it does get a little easier.To lose your mum suddenly is so unfair and cruel but I’m sure your mum would want you to be happy and be strong even though I know how hard that is.Take each day one day at a time or one hour at a time.Remember everything you are feeling is normal and you will be ok but it just takes time.
this is a nightmare for you. but it tragically happened. you must go through grief this is a time when you gorge on thinking about your mom and you.
grief is the time we are given by society to indulge on loving our loved one, lost.
you will go through this … time passes for us all … days will pass so do this terrible grief. this is your year to mourn, so very sadly.