Just before she passed three years ago she said I should sell the house and then her exact words were ’ enjoy your nestegg’ . We had some debts and because of my age I decided to do just that so the house has gone our debts have gone and I am very comfortable financially. My life’s my own , I can do what I like and am answerable to no body. So, why aren’t I happy , why cant I accept my lot . It is what it is apparently . The fact is I miss her more than words could ever say.I will never get over her loss. I could cope with being short of money all the time ,being answerable to someone else and not living alone. I know I should do as I was told and enjoy my nestegg but whats the bloody point.
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I guess money has no real meaning. The people we love give us meaning. Though it’s good you aren’t worrying about your finances, it doesn’t create fulfilment. I wonder if there is something special you would like to do with some of the money, take a trip perhaps? In her honour. With someone or on your own? Or give something to charity?
I feel quite lost and it’s hard to imagine a future. I’m going to have to find a way to create meaning in my life, but I don’t know how.
I could do so much now I can afford it. We always liked travelling but my confidence is shot .I go on holiday once a year with a friend but I couldnt contemplate booking and travelling alone especially now with having to do so much on line . I have looked at solo holidays but to do it by myself would be too much. If my Jo is looking over me I’m sure she’s disappointed.
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I’m sure she wouldn’t be disappointed, and that’s totally fair enough not to want to do a solo trip. It sounds like you are being a bit hard on yourself. 
That’s lovely that you managed to quite a bit of travelling together.