Hi all,
Does anyone have a lack of motivation for anything?
My beautiful wife passed on the 29th April this year, I knew her for half of my life.
I am back at work and generally feel I am managing well, I am just unable to find any joy or interest in things.
On my days off I do go to a couple of wellbeing/mental health groups which I find helps.
However I feel very alone and yet can’t be bothered to do much else to change this. Simple house tasks are left, instead I watch stuff on tele and waste my time.
I know that too much time on my own doesn’t help as I start to dwell on negative thoughts, yet am unable to rouse myself to change this.
I do try to stay positive and am succeeding to a degree, just wondered if anyone has any ideas how to manage myself better.
Thanks
Joe x
Hi Joe yes I feel the same someday s I feel it’s a massive challenge to make myself do stuff I’ve no interest in hardly anything so you are not alone I think that is a symptom of grieving sometimes I sit sobbing and don’t want to move then I make myself do things even if it’s something small so I think we ts normal for you to feel like this don’t be to hard on yourself. Take care shellyanne XX
I don’t know the answer, but I am going through the same feelings as you, my neighbours and family actually think I’m doing OK, they don’t see me when I’m having a bad day to be honest I know what putting a brave face on really means. One thing I have learnt is not to hide away, people will stop and chat and share a coffee with me when they know I’m having a bad day, it’s my hiding away that I’ve got to stop,
I can relate to what your saying. Totally I’m the same just do the bare minimum. Your still in the early stages of grief as April to now is not long at all. Your mind and body is in survival mode. So your not going to want to do everyday tasks. As to when that will resume is hard to say grief affects all of us differently.
All you can do is look after yourself as best you can easier said than done. I know.
Take care much love Mark
Thank you all for your replies. I guess it’s trying to get the balance between being kind to yourself but still attempting to do things.
When I think back to a few weeks ago, I didn’t want to help myself, just couldn’t care about anything whereas now I am at least realising my issues and want to change them.
I hope we all find some kind of joy and peace in the future.
Joe x
Hello I lost my beautiful husband Dave on April 28th so sudden and unexpected. I was always so house proud as was here almost OCD. I can get up 
n the morning and go out without washing up., then I think he would be so cross I haven’t done this or that. Then silly things like cleaning the window he always stood on the chair etc to keep me safe now it is only me. I miss his caring nature. I miss his presence. The days go by and I have no interest. This is so so difficult. I have lost my purpose to do anything.
So sorry Davaire, it really is the most painful and exhausting experience we have ever had to deal with.
I have read posts on here where people have managed to find some light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.
It is such an individual thing yet I think we all share the sense of loss, despair and sadness.
I have reached out for help and now get bereavement counselling. I also see a hypnotherapist once a week on zoom who has really helped me understand some of my feelings and put me in a better frame of mind.
I’m not rushing into things but for my own sanity I need to believe that at some point I can have some peace and hopefully look back and smile at the beautiful memories I have of my Carole.
Sending my love and I hope you at some point can find peace.
Joe x
Thank you for your reply. I have started Bereavement counselling too. I have only had one session but found it is such benefit. This site lets you know you are not alone whilst trying to navigate this horrendous time.
Hi everyone, understand totally the feeling of ‘no motivation’, 'what’s the point? " or" why bother doing this if he isn’t here to see it? ".I also find myself unable to get on with simpl house jobs, to think that I’ve always dedicated so much time and effort, keeping it clean and tidy. My husband repaired everything that had to be fixed, he took care of home improvements, plumbing, reconstructing jobs, car maintenance, looking after our property, planting, grass cutting, weeding, etc, etc, the list is too long to write down. He never stopped, was always busy doing something, his tool shed his pride and joy, although his real profession was completely different to this (medical sector). I now find it so physically and mentally exhausting, just to even clean the bathrooms!. On the other hand, I find that strenuous jobs help me release all that pain and anguish I carry inside me, like chopping firewood, digging up the garden and hoeing, any jobs which take extra physical strength. Whatever I do, I do if to honor my beloved, as respect to him, to show him that I will do my best to carry on what, unwire, unwillingly, he was suddenly forced to leave behind.
Hello Solost, I envy you for your strength and energy. How do you do it. - My brother died in February and I was getting a bit better in July, but, I ended up in hospital. They had to take out a 60cm piece of my intestines. (I think you have read about it before.) - I have been home again for over two weeks now, but, I started loosing even more energy during the last 6 days. I am sure it is an emotional thing, but I just do not know persuade (or trick) my mind. - I even bought a lottery ticked so I would have something to look forward to. How sad is that?! I will never win anything. - Does anyone know a little trick how I can motivate myself? - Thanks for listening, Nick.
Hi @Nick22, I hope you are rfeeling better now after your operation., sounds like it was quite a serious matter. My aunt had similar surgery many years ago and has been perfectly fine ever since,so I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.
The energy and strength you mention actually come out through my feelings of anger and anguish. I’ve never been a sporty person, and as you have probably heard or read about, one of the things 'grief counsellers suggest is to get out in the fresh air as much as possible, and do physical exercises. I’m quite lucky, living out in the country, I can do that, not now, because it’s too hot, so I can always find something to do on our property. Mind you, there is a limit to what I can do on my own now, I can’t really ask my two grownup kids to help, they study and have their own lives to get on with. I don’t want to abandon our fields, so I honor my husband’s memory, talking to him all the time, asking for his advice and approval, trying to look after our property the best I can, this is where my strength comes from. . My father-in-law gives me a hand often, too.
I understand about getting a lottery ticket to have something to look forward to, something I’ve never done, either. I find music helps to take your mind off tormenting thoughts, my husband and I had started learning how to play the piano together. It took me a while to get back to it, that does help me too. I’m sorry I have no real suggestions or tricks, as I, myself, am finding it still so hard to believe that my fit and healthy husband can just suddenly disappear from our lives, leaving me literally “lost in time”, watching the world go on, as a bystander, as if I don’t belong here.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Take care.