Why do people not speak about my mum anymore ? Or ask me how i am? Most people didnt even say anything to me after it happened. As if somehow asking how i am would bring it up, as if id have forgotten about it !
People expect me to be fine as its been 3 months. As if i would be fine without my mum who was my best friend. Who i used to speak to several times a day and see most days. She looked after my children when i was at work. She did so much for me and the family. Why have people just forgotten about her ?
It makes me so angry nobody seems to care how i feel now. They expect me to be on top form all the time.
I feel so lonely.
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Oh @PennyG i totally get where youre coming from. Im approaching 6 months since i lost my mum, and this evening i was saying the very same thing to her about how it feels the world has forgotten her so quickly 
And sadly ive had the same experience with friends - maybe a text every 2-3 weeks to see how i am? Its left me feeling very angry at the world in general, and invisible. Most people just dont understand unless they’ve been through it.
Have you looked into whether there are any support groups in your area for bereaved people? I found that really helpful to connect with people who understand, plus posting on this site. Also when im lonely ive been listening to a lot of grief based podcasts which i found very comforting just to hear other stories - the ones i prefer are Griefcast and Good Mourning.
Its such a horrible place to be, i know, but rest assured youre not alone. Feel free to message me anytime 
Thanks Ally. I will look into those podcasts as havent listened to any. I did look into grief support groups but theyre only once a month and its hard to go as ive usually got the children or are working.
I saw a therapist for grief counselling but didnt find it helpful. She didnt say anything just listened. Felt like i might as well just talk to a wall!
Mum was only 61 and i just feel so angry that she died so young. It doesnt feel right and i dont know how ill ever stop feeling angry about having the closest person to me taken away too soon.
You sound like you are being so strong.
Xx
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I recognise this @PennyG and I’ve thought about it a lot how ultimately we are all mostly only important to a few people in this life (if we’re lucky that is) and when we die it’s only a few people it impacts on, the rest, the big wide world teeming with billions of people are oblivious & carry on as if nothing had happened We are a drop in an ocean Butthose who love us and those we love are so important it feels so much more significant & impossible to believe the whole world doesn’t feel the same way
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Yes you are right. I think it has made me realise how few friends i have ! I think i spent so much time with just my mum and hubby and children that i didnt really make any effort to make more friends in the area i am in now. I moved here for uni. My uni friends went home but i stayed soI still have friends but mainly in other areas and so its not easy for them to drop in and have a coffee and see how i am. Its all on message and thats not really the same as having someone give you a hug. 
It’s been 3 months for me too. My work colleagues are still really supportive but no one else. Even Mum’s friends haven’t called, I did call one but she wasn’t in the mood for a chat. It’s just me and my 2 cats now and even they don’t talk to me. At least you still have your family. Sending a hug x
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I totally agree @Bluebell1 - and for the grieving person left behind, the one person who you would turn to for comfort and support who truly cared about your welfare has gone - so its massively isolating. I dont have a partner or children, my Dad died 20 years ago, so the only deep loving relationship remaining was with my Mum, and now thats gone too
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@Ally6 sorry you feel isolated. Feel free to message anytime .
i know im lucky to have hubby and children but Mum was an absolute lifeline for me and the closest person for everyday chatting so weirdly still feel so lonely all the time. Even if i meet up with lots of people i feel lonely for being the only one in this situation. Everyone else i know still has their mum and talk about their mums helping them out all the time and at kids parties the grandparents are always there helping out and it makes me so jealous i come away from these things feeling worse than when i arrived. Sometimes its easier just not to see anyone.
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Oooooh, those don’t sound like cats if they don’t talk to you. Mine is forever screeching at me and my mum, announcing her presence, begging for loves, begging for food… she’s such a noisy, but adorable, critter 
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I’m not sure of my cat’s backgrounds as they were both rescue cats, they are sisters and neither have talked much. They prefer to beat me up. One likes to sit on the back of my office chair when I work at home and slap me around the head until I give her Dreamies xx
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They’ve such characters 
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That made me smile thanks for that I love cats
Heartbroken my beloved little furry Angel had to leave life 3 months ago because of cancer I miss her so …I was so fortunate to have had her She was a rescue cat but she rescued me x
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You are not alone, I have experienced the same thing. My mom meant alot to me but in our culture we don’t talk about it much. My mom was the youngest of the 5 siblings and I feel everyone has just forgotten about her, nobody ask how I am and I feel angry how everyone gets busy in their life, mom used to help everybody but not a single person ask me if I need any help, they just assume its been more than 5 months to get over it and move on with life. I am in my mid 20’s and never understand how things will get better. I try to normally help and support other people but I am getting tired now and frustrated
@PennyG
Hi, im new here. Been advised to seek help via a Therapist.
The first message i opened was yours and i feel like I could have written it myself.
I lost my mam too, she was 63 and I was at the time mid 30s, we spoke every day, several times, like you my mam was my childcare while i worked and my bestest friend.
Shes left a big big hole in my world.
The big difference we have is I’m 3 years on. Im finding it very difficult lately as Im approaching milestones in mine and my childrens lives and her absence is felt massively.
I came on to say, while people arent talking about her, they may think youre doing well with coping in the early days and dont want to set you back. I found by starting up conversations about her, friends and family would gladly join in with their memories and it would escalate. I would also ring an aunt or cousin and ask how they are doing because you might be surprised that they dont want to bother you with their grief either. I hope this is of some help to you.
Take care
Rebecca
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Hello I’ve had same experience as you have.
It’s like people are saying they don’t care and that we should get over us losing our loved ones.
For god sake people like that who have never lost a parent can’t imagine what it’s like for us.
When it happens to them they’ll find out his we feel and I for one will never show how I care because they did to me. It’s a taste of their own horrible medicine.
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@RebeccaG thanks for your message- yes your situation sounds very similar. I worry that i will be in your position in 3 years time ! I dont see this pain ever healing to be honest. Whenever i think of her (which is all the time) i just feel this pain and sadness.
Did you take time to grieve when your mum passed away ? I thought i did - i was off work for 2 months. My brothers didnt take any time off . They both live abroad and just carried on with their holiday plans and work pattern. I am sure it will hit them at some point or perhaps it has but they wouldnt tell me.
Mum and i were very close of course - living close by seeing each other every day - theres no one else in the family except her partner of 10 years who feels her loss as much as i do so i dont feel i have anyone in the family that i can talk to about her.
She has 2 brothers and a sister- one i am close to but he is working abroad - the others both abroad also but they havent even messaged me to ask how i am. I even sent a memorial service booklet to my aunt and she only thanked me and that was it - didnt even reply when i said i was still struggling.
I find our family very strange.
We have never been overly open and affectionate with one another.
My husband even says i am cold ! And im definitely the warmest in my family !
@PennyG
The reason I am in this position and both the answer to your question is No I didnt take the time to grieve… i had just two weeks off work and threw myself back into ‘life’. Looking back I wish I’d taken more time as its definitely catching up with me. I have felt sad, a lot, over the years but now i feel as if I’m doing the grieving part, hence my latest visit to the doctors and also how ive ended up here.
I’m glad for you that you have grieved from the start, it makes all the difference. I wish I had.
I know how you feel, i cant even go food shopping anymore, i do click and collect, as me and my mam would always go together. Its the little things that hit me.
Im always here if you need a chat 
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