No one seems to care

My nan has been gone for two months now & it hurts , I can’t control my crying & have lost interest in everything, I have trouble sleeping & general low mood , I still can’t believe she’s gone it doesn’t feel right she’s always been there, I spoke to my doctor about how I feel but I only got to say that my nan died & I’m having trouble sleeping & low mood before he cut me off & said it’s only been 2 months I’m just bereaving & that he will give me some tablets to help me with my sleep then he put the phone down wouldn’t even let me tell him anything more :frowning: & I have my mum telling me it’s only been two months I’ll soon get over it, no one around me seems to care how I’m feeling they all think I’ll just get over it :frowning: when my nan was alive my mum kept telling me I couldn’t go down to see her saying I already saw her that week & wait another week or more & I wanted to see her at the hospital hours before she died yet mum told me I couldn’t & to wait till she went back to the care home if I had ignored my mum & went down I would of saw nan one more time before she died :frowning: but I hadn’t she her for a whole week because of mum & mum doesn’t even seem to care her own mum has gone she’s just carrying on as normal & telling me I’ll get over it life goes on etc , I can’t even laugh at funny jokes on the tv anymore I find them funny but I just can’t laugh anymore even tho my mum is sitting there laughing at the jokes , life has just lost it’s meaning without my nan , when I’m shopping I still forget she’s gone for a few seconds when I see something & think that be good for nans present then realise she’s gone :frowning: most days I just want to stay in bed but my cats make me get up for them but I just end up sitting on the sofa all day doing nothing :frowning:

1 Like

gee that sounds terrible.

I am sorry.

you have every right to be upset and sad. no one should try and take that from you not even mum.

your grandmother loved you. glad you fought to see her … she would not want to leave you behind. I am very sorry. :gift_heart:

Thank you , my mum keeps telling me to get rid of all my nans belongs we only have one bag & a picture as we already got rid of all her clothes & household items etc when she moved to the care home but there’s only a small bag with with her glasses, a mug, a few pictures & a big frame that has string weaved in between pins to make a pattern that my late uncle did that my nan kept, but mum wants me to get rid of all that but I can’t bare to get rid of any of that it’s too soon :frowning: & none of it is in her way it’s all in my room

why is your mother deciding your feelings for you … you are a human being. you have a right to your feelings.

might be she is the one with the problem. resentment, memories, cannot handle her own grief. parents are human too … but you have a right to your feelings, no matter what.

My mum has always tried to control my life she’s said to me before her house her rules if I don’t like it I can leave :frowning: she doesn’t have any empathy she doesn’t care about anyone or anything except herself she’s broken things of mine in the past that were sentimental & weren’t even in her way & she didn’t care :frowning: ,
She’s told me she can’t wait till the headstone is paid up & the reminder of nans money is shared out as nan requested then everything can go back to normal,
But nothing can go back to normal at least not for a long time , I visited my nan at the care home quite a bit & visited her every time she went into hospital & chased the hospital up every time & when she first went into hospital near by I visited her everyday for 3 weeks before she was put into a care home my mum only visited my nan twice when she went into the care home & only because I forced her & took her , it’s me & my late uncles wife that’s been doing all the running around since the start sorting out the adult social care, her pension, her bank, death certificate, the hospital & the funeral etc, my mum & aunt have done bugga all except empty my nans house & give it back to the council & sit back watch us doing the runaround, & all my aunt can keep asking is when she’s getting her share of the money as she’s book herself a holiday obviously not that sad her mum has died :frowning: neither of them seem to care & neither of them understand how I’m feeling

I am so sorry you are lacking some much need support in your family. I wonder if this is your mums way of trying to cope?

But regardless, you need to look out for yourself. Some practical things- check with your GP surgery if there is a self-referring counselling service, also check out all the resources on here. Dont be afraid to phone or email the samiritans or Cruse, text CALM etc as sometimes you just need an outlet to let it out.

This Thursday marks 9 years since I lost my Gran, not long before my 40th. Granddad was so upset as Gran was so excited about my birthday and saying to get a special gift but hadn’t mentioned any ideas she had.

Hoping you have a gentle evening

Beki x

keep posting here and try and take some comfort from others going through the same thing. We can’t take each others pain away, but its a lot less lonely knowing there are others in the same position.

Create a memory box and put momentos of your nan in there. Also consider journalling - a good guide on here. Even something like a blank notebook and write or doodle, even just a list of words you feel (and many may be very rude!!) Write notes in there to your nan.

Thanks for your words will start a memory box

1 Like

I found my memory box for my Mum, who I lost unexpectedly in March, very helpful and don’t feel constrained about what you put in - if it feels right, it’s right. My Mum’s box has her everyday stinky shoes in! Her glasses, phone, some crosswords she was working on, her hairbrush, a bit of the box of the swiss roll she had a piece of the night before!!

1 Like

Hi @lakingsfan83.
Condolences on the loss of your beloved Nan.

From what you describe, your Mum doesn’t sound like a compassionate person, for whatever reason, so I think you aren’t going to get the support you need from her to help you manage your grief.

There are kind people on this site who will listen to you and who do understand because we’re all here for the same reason - we’re bereaved and it’s blardy painful!

We’re all different though and your relationship with your Nan was yours - not your Mum’s or your Aunt’s, but yours.

Their feelings towards her, are different to yours, for whatever reason.

There may have been things which happened in the past, which you know nothing about, which could be influencing how they feel.

I would kindly suggest that you look outside your family for support otherwise, it seems like you will just feel continually, let down.
Take care.

1 Like