No-one understands my pain!!!

My son (Scott) took his own life 65 days ago, he was only 29 and a father to 3 beautiful children. There was no signs of any depression or sadness in his life!! I can’t talk to anyone about how I’m feeling because no-one knows or understands the pain I have. For the 1st 2 weeks of his passing anyone & everyone were ringing & messaging me offering support but now it feels like he’s been forgotten!! A little bit more of me dies as each day passes, I’m not eating properly or sleeping, I no I have to carry on for the sake of my other 2 boys & grandchildren, I’m desperate to talk to someone who understands my pain!!

I feel your pain love I lost my son suddenly in 2012 age 33 and the pain I feel will never go away, losing a child is the worst pain I could ever imagine. I recently lost my partner age 63, so the pain of losing him, has made my pain even worse, I feel so lonely and miss my son every day. I kept is fb page open, so I write to him on that when I am at my worst. I still have one son but he won’t talk about it. Try and remember the good times, he would not want you to suffer, that’s what I keep telling my self.

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Hi Pauline, unless you have been through suicide no one really knows how you feel. My partner committed suicide 18 months ago and it has been extremely hard. Your right everyone is around to begin with then they return to their life’s and we are left with a gap in ours. Keep hold of the memories because no one can then away and they become even more precious. Sending you a big hug xx

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Hi Elaine, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. My youngest son’s baby was born asleep 20 month, I thought the pain I suffered then nothing could ever top that, until 11th November I got the call to say my Scott had took his own life!! My whole world crumbled around me! I guess I thought no-one will ever understand my pain, until I found this group & see I’m not alone in my suffering. I am deeply sorry for both your son & partner, I hope I find some sort of comfort & connection in talking to you on their group xxx

I understand completely how you feel I lost my son to cancer in December he was oyour 31 and had been married for 6 months. It is such a horrible feeling and an effort to put one foot in front of the other some days. I am crying every day and cry my self to sleep most nights .the loneliness is horrible even though I have a son who lives with us nothing seems to help .in am so sorry for your loss x

Hi Fi, thank you for taking time to reply to me. My son has 4 beautiful children so Scott will always live on in them. We have so many memories over the 29 years, understanding why will always be something I will never be able to do. I am deeply sorry about your partner & I hope like me I will find some comfort talking to people who understand the pain we have xxx

Hi Pauline.
I also lost my son age 30, it will be a year on 8th Feb, how he died I will never know, I just know that the conversation I had with him 2 days b4 is that he was in a bad way.
I totally understand how u feel, believe me I do, my pain is so raw, Steven was my only son and I loved him so much.
When Steven first died everyone was ringing and calling to see me, then it stopped, I think that people just leave you to get on with it cause there’s no more they can say. To be honest I was glad people left me alone as I wanted to think about my son everyday I know it sounds strange but that’s how I felt.
I will never get over him dying as you won’t and I have days where I want to scream and cry and I want to tell everyone how wonderful he was, I try to blank it from my brain and try to live my life, I also wanted to die so maybe I’d see him one last time, all emotions going thru my head, I’m just hoping they will ease as time goes by although I will never forget my beautiful boy.
There’s nothing anyone can say to you to ease your pain.
Also losing a child is worse than ever losing a parent or partner, I know cause both have happened to me.

Hi Anniemcg I know the pain that you are feeling I lost my 31 year old son in December and it’s feel exactly the same as you do I just want to be with him. I cry every day and find it so hard without Richard. I have another son at home and I know he is hurting too.I have been given tablets from the doctors and am seeing a councillor but nothing takes away the pain .and yes you are right it’s the worst pain anyone can imagine xxx

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My doctor did try to give me tablets but I didn’t take them from him.
It’s very hard to know what to say except that I’m having much better days now. I didn’t get counselling but I haven’t ruled it out.
What I have found a bit comforting is having Stevens photos around my house, before he died I didn’t have 1 photo of him on view.
The other thing I found myself doing was sitting in my garden and looking at the sky I somehow found comfort in this.
You know, people say time is a healer, well I say, it is and it isn’t cause sometimes that’s all I think about.
I try to keep busy but then I think of Steven and my heart is broken.
I’m totally with you there and I feel your pain immensely

I have photos of Richard all over my house but it breaks my heart when I look at them .i try to be busy but I just have no energy and just want to sleep all the time. Thank you for getting in touch it does help a bit to talk to someone who understands what I am going through x