So there’s been a lift on some lockdown rules. Andy and I had so many plans for this summer. Now there’s nothing. No we, just me and this unbearable pain. I feel so alone and desolate. I have lost loved ones before, but this is different. This grief is vicious, I’ve never known or felt such devastation. This is mine, and mine alone, no best friend, soulmate to get me through this .
6 Likes
Dear M67
Totally understand. Me and husband had made retirement plans which all lie in tatters now. Having to deal with everyday issues alone but also the continuous flow of mail addressed ‘to the late Mr …’ . It is unrelenting.
Too many people - who would not understand and how could they, they still have their partners - telling me after the inquest/when lockdown eases you need to start making plans to move forward. I just scream silently - move forward to what and with who.
I am alone in this world and so sad beyond words can truly describe.
Take care
3 Likes
Yes it is so different losing your soul mate I agree. I thought I knew death very well but this was a whole new level for me. I felt quite steady all my life despite death being a fairly common visitor.
Losing my husband at 40 when I felt like I’d just gotten into my happy ever after was a massive shock. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the way it happened and severe anxiety/depression disorder which I’m having treatment for but I can’t see any way forward from here now. I am a total nut job now… I thought that was people’s personality or not (and I was a not) but maybe its just what happens to you then and that cannot be undone now can it.
What could possibly get better I wonder. Surely I will just lose more as I still have things I can lose and there is no way to hang on to anything because chaos and uncertainty are the nature of living. I almost deleted this post but I am trying to be more authentic. I cannot cope despite all the help in the world. How does anyone cope with this. It’s really hard isn’t it.
8 Likes
I too understand. My soulmate died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. He was only 50. All my plans, dreams and hopes were based around ‘us’. Now there is no ‘us’. I too have lost other people in my life, but he was always there to help me get through it. This is the hardest thing we will face in life and we haven’t got the one person who could help. Devastating.
7 Likes
Thank you for sharing your pain with me. I know what you mean about the treatment you’re receiving. You are being treated for the symptoms of your loss, there is no cure the grief you have experienced. Im glad you didn’t delete your post , take care 
4 Likes
Yes the only person who could comfort you isn’t here anymore. How are we supposed to “carry on”. This is the most gut wrenching, mind blowing experience of my Life. If you can call it that. I have no life without my Andy. Take care the best you can.
4 Likes
Thank you for sharing. I too have been told that I have to think about my future now. Plans for me???. What planet are these people on. I barely exist from second to second, it’s absolutely pointless. We are all dead inside now, those of us who live on the Planet Bereaved. Take care of yourself as much as you can.
4 Likes
We just breathe in & out, thats all that’s left . Recently had a garden visit to a friend of a relative, she lost her dear husband 4 years ago & is still grieving. I can’t go through years of this. She is brave, was very supportive but more to the point she absolutely got it, she knows the pain.
So I will breathe in & out.
4 Likes
Hi Fleur ( I hope you don’t mind the shorter version of your name,)
I just wanted to say that although I don’t think you realise it, you have a fantastic sense of humour and you seem to see a little light in every situation which I think is a brilliant asset. You say it exactly as it is for you and that is what will eventually pull you through.
I love your posts and you make me smile through my grief. Xx
3 Likes
Dear M67
Apologies for the delay in replying. I have spent the night at my son’s house - our second grandson’s arrival is imminent.
I appreciate your reply (and those of others). Like yourself I merely exist. When people make the remarks I know they are trying to be helpful but it stings and hits the heart. I have no future it lies in tatters - for over 42 years it was always ‘we’/‘us’. I cannot do ‘I’ it is beyond my reach - too many years have passed being me and husband.
Yesterday was a really bad day. I need my husband to tell me everything is going to be ok but it is never going to happen ever again.
Please take care all. Life is just a constant struglle.
Sheila
1 Like
Dear @M67,
I agree with every word you say. Though for me, the loss of my wife was the first time I experienced the loss of someone who really meant something to me. I’ve lost aunts and uncles, but both my parents are 97 and still going fairly strong, considering. My wife and I lost 4 dogs during our 31 years together, the last one on Christmas Day 2016. Losing Neko, our black Lab, broke both our hearts, but losing my wife…I simply cannot find the words to describe losing her. For the first time in my life, I’m scared, frightened, have no confidence, am paralyzed into inaction, and, whereas I used to really look forward to this time of year, I now hate these bright, sunny days because…because…my Wife should be here to enjoy and share them too, and it breaks my heart every day that she is not.
These last few weeks, my life feels like water draining out of a sink, spiralling around the drain hole and quickly disappering. I really do feel like I’m slowly losing it, and all I can do is hold on tight to try and get through another hopeless day. I try not to post too often now because I just feel full of negativity, and I don’t want to bring others down. I can only hope that you, and the others on this site, can find some way through the misery we are each experiencing.
Take care…
5 Likes
Thank you for your reply. Yes just like you I feel that I am getting weaker every second, on my way down the plug hole. And not wanting to post too many negative comments,I do anyway, because that’s how I feel. Everyone on here is in so much pain and sharing can be good for us. The fear is horrendous isn’t it, it just takes over your entire world. A world with a void too deep to ever be filled. Take care of yourself as much as you can.
3 Likes
I understand. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago - it was sudden and unexpected. Nothing can prepare anyone for this. Nothing can be so stressful and heartbreaking. All we can do is keep breathing through each day. Have you tried counselling? I’m hoping it will help me in some way. Ultimately I know that the only person who could make this right is the one person who isn’t here. Sending hugs.
1 Like
Dear M67
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this nightmare.
It’s nearly 2 years for me and the pain never goes away.
You will find true friends who do understand because they have experienced the loss of a deeply loved life partner.
Sending love and comfort.xx
3 Likes