No Support

Losing a partner
21

It’s 9 weeks since I lost my husband. But I won’t be settled until his inquest has been in July. Yes everyone thinks your ok the texts stops no visits so you here to get on with it. It’s my husbands friends who are supportive my supposedly friends are nowhere to be seen. But I believe karma will come around for them and I will not be there for them false promises from them all. I’m so lost right now my tears are falling all day every day. Take care x

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22

Thanks for that makes me feel so much less lonely as friends family disappear. I gwt it life goes on but its a lack of understanding how can they know what its like. Maybe we need to educate people how to respond. Love and hugs to you. X

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23

I was speaking to my bereavment counsellor on friday and she was saying how terrible people are in this country in dealing with grief/loss! !! They really are abysmal and it makes me so angry :rage:

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24

@Deb5 . When my GP visited (some 6 months after my husband’s death), we were discussing grief support and the lack of. She is a muslim lady and she told me in her culture, when a husband dies, the wife is given 4 months to grieve but all responsibilities are taken from her, children, cooking, finances, by family and left to mourn. After 4 months she’s expected to start picking up her life and move on still surrounded by family to help.
Unfortunately we dont have such support here either in family or friends. That’s what is the shame of our culture.

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25

You are so right lovely people. We are rubbish at giving support for grief. I think losing your partner is completely different to losing other family members. It’s unique for all the wrong reasons, so I wonder when friends and family offer support they try and measure your grief against their own experience. I think you get to know when people say I’m here if you need me and I have looked at someone and thought yes but inside they’re thinking for goodness sake please don’t ring me.!! Isn’t it funny how the least likely people you think will give support come good. Which is a nice surprise and those you think will be supportive let you down. But one day they may have to walk this path and in their many hours of reflection they’ll understand their mistake. If someone else says to me it’s been nearly four years now…come on motivate yourself. I just might not be responsible for my actions!!!
Take care everyone x

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26

Yeh its a very cruel way people treat each other here im afraid :frowning: xx

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27

I am so sorry for your loss I have to admitt I had no support apart from immediate family .
The mistake I made I bottled every thing up almost blanking everything out if I didnt think about it then it wasnt real.
I lost my beloved jane after 17 years of being together 24/7 on valentine’s day i found her dead from a heart attack at the age of 55.
Despite all the immediate support from freinds and family you soon realise tou are on your own dealing with to many emotions to even begin to list .
One thing I have learnt you must talk to people explain how your feeling yes they do not understand the pain as we all do on this group.
Neverless dont be ashamed of telling people how you really feel my days vary from Ok to absolutely feeling like shit
But i have learnt its good to tell people hiw your feeling dont them what they want to hear you will be surprised who will listen and you will soon find you are not on your own .
I am more of a reader of the community rather than have any input but just reading and sharing the path we are all on has really helped me im still a mess most days but dont bottle it up it really is good to tslk and sometimes strangers are better than close freinds.
Stay strong and keep walking the path

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28

Dear JohnP1961, I am so sorry for your loss. My beloved husband also died suddenly on Valentine’s Day which left me traumatized behind. My experience is that most people try to avoid talking to me because they cannot handle the situation. But I am alright with it. I am getting used to it. I don’t have the energy or be willing to cater to their problems. I have enough on my plate. So I am going shopping on my own or getting the goods delivered. They are always busy meeting other people and friends or family but would never ask if we could go for a coffee or if I need something from the shops. Why offer in the first place when they actually are not interested to help or support me? I am not a freeloader and would pay for everything. So screw them (sorry for the language). Sending lots of love and hugs to you.

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29

All my so called freinds seem to have vanished after 4 months .
I have two daughter’s both grown up, and i was getting to the point of dreading them asking how I was or how I was feeling, but I just tell people the truth if your having a bad day tell them honestly talking is really helpful.
From talking to strangers, I have met four other people who are or were in the same situation. Just keep talking and dont be ashamed to tell people how you really feel. I find talking to strangers is more sincere than talking to friends .
Just keep talking

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30

Hi I’m so sorry for Ur loss, I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my soulmate 11 weeks ago and the loneliness is quite unbearable :cry: I have 2 sister’s who live nearby and I haven’t seen 1 of them since his service the other other 1 popped down once, I have a son who has been amazing but also grieving badly and suffering PTSD as he gave his dad chest compressions and can’t get it out his head. Don’t know the answer to this all encompassing grief that people like us suffer from and how we stop the anger of the fact people are just going about their day lives, even though I know my husband wouldn’t want me to be like this I think we just have to try. Ever day is a chore to get through but we are hopefully trying to live some sort of life :heart:

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