I feel like since my partners funeral my ‘support network’ has disappeared.
Apart from the odd couple of friends and my parents no one bothers to check in. I’ve always got to reach out to people and travel to see them. No one comes to me.
I’m constantly being let down and cancelled on last minute so spending hours upon hours sat alone in the house, getting lost in my thoughts.
I can’t help but feel so angry and sad that everyone is just getting on with their lives and here’s me alone and just wanting my soulmate by my side.
I’m sat alone in the garden having my partner’s favourite beer, keep telling myself this is what he would want me to do! It’s just hard having that empty chair next to me……
@Cjmpr hi I am so sorry that you have lost your husband. Life is definitely unfair and cruel. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. You do wonder why people stop checking up on you and supporting you especially if they came to your husband funeral. I am lucky that I have some great friends who have been here for me. Family not so good and haven’t heard from my husband sister since the funeral. 3 or 4 friends who said that they will be here for me I haven’t heard from. In fact I was so annoyed I wrote them a message saying I understand why I haven’t heard from you for a while as life moves on ect ect then wrote how I have been really struggling and how I feel. I was amazed to get a reply of hope that you get the help you need and can move on with your life. How pathetic! I was so upset at first but now I don’t give a toss. One day hopefully karma will come round. I really don’t know why people are funny with death as the worst thing in the world has happened to us and people are just so mean. I have had 2 friends who I didn’t see much have really stepped up. Hopefully in time you will be stronger enough to join some support groups and clubs and meet new people. Sending lots of love Xx
@Cjmpr
I do feel the same. I’m lucky that I have one very special friend who still stays in touch with me most days , with a phone call to check on on me… She’s such a beautiful friend and I’m lucky to have her.
I have other friends have been very kind too but as time goes on 9 months 16 days for me… everyone just assumed/expects that I’m getting better/managing okay … So there are more and more times with everyone else feeling like they are further away, and getting on with their own lives (as they should)
Just yesterday I had a text from someone (a previous work colleague but I thought friend too, as we knew each other before we worked together)
She left the work place for another job but promised to stay in touch because we were friends first!!
Well, a text nearly 3 months ago, asking how I was doing? I tell her not good, everythings hard. She replies and promises to be in touch asap.
So…another text yesterday (almost 3 months later) saying…how are you doing? I’m hoping that by now you are feeling better!!!
I reply thanking her for her text but telling her that sadly I feel no better and that life is still very hard. I haven’t heard back yet.
It’s all really just a horrible realisation that our grief is a very , very lonely journey.
The worst part is I actually really don’t want anyone else, I just want him back.
We were a very tight little unit. We only needed each other. And we were always happiest when it was just us.
So, I want people to show they have not forgotten me, and understand I’m still very sad, BUT at the same time I don’t want to need them.
It’s so confusing… perhaps just another horrible part of this grief
Sorry for rambling everyone, and sorry that I might not have made any sense, cos I don’t even understand myself
Yes it’s just very hard. It will be 7 weeks on Monday since my partner passed. It’s still so very raw and I expected more people to be around me. The said reality is that people don’t actually care and are more focused on themselves.
We too were very close and would spend all of our time together. Even when we were at work we would call each other to check in, even on the journey home to chat about the day….
I’ve found that the very few people who have stepped up have been those who I didn’t expect and the ones who I thought would have been by my side haven’t.
I expressed to a friend that I suppose it’s better to have quality over quantity. I still stand by that now, even though it is a bitter pill to swallow.
I think people just can’t cope with misery. Realistically there is nothing they can do and can’t deal with it I’m lucky to still be working, that and my family have kept me going but it still doesn’t stop the pain or the missing him. I could be in a room full of people and it doesn’t help me on the inside. I can have a laugh etc etc but doesn’t change anything.
There are times too where I don’t want people to ask me how I am because I never know what to say. Do I give them the response they want to hear or the truth. I opt for the first.
The missing him is a real ache every day. I accept he’s not coming back, I accept that I have to make a new life. But the missing him is huge and gets worse every day that goes on
I am so sorry about your loss. I also noticed that people first made promises and that famous You know where I am if you need me - but the reality is that nobody really means it. Why cannot they be honest with me and to themselves that they cannot handle this situation and that they have their own lives to carry on? Knowing this now (I think from the very beginning that they actually did not mean it) I carry on my life as my friends and neighbours (we will always support you) without them. So I started taking taxis to go to doctor’s appointments or do more shopping online. Screw them (pardon my English) but that is how I will survive and keep existing til my time comes. To be angry and disappointed is a good thing because it makes it easier to carry on and maybe even cut ties. And no I am not a really strong person. I am still crying and have my breakdowns and still cannot believe that I will not see my beloved husband again but being angry with them (not with my husband) helps me a lot. Next step I will contact a local bereavement group and try to get counseling. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Yeah I’ve came to hate the term ‘you know where I am if you need anything’ or ‘you just have to ask’. It’s a struggle getting out of bed let alone asking someone you know really doesn’t care for support.
I was referred to the crisis team by my GP but sadly they wont be fast tracking any counselling. Still on the 18-20 week waiting list…. Really is disappointing that there isn’t more support out there for people like us who really need it.
Oh join the club ! Thats what happened to me ! Funeral over - c u later ! Even with family ! Glad im not alone with this ! and it made me so very angry too !! Xxx
Ring cruse bereavment helpline ! They are really good ! I was doing it in text in those early days but don’t think they doing it like that anymore ? Funding etc ! Honestly they were my lifeline in those first terrible months xx
Yes i have used shout too and it is really hard to get through … !! There must be a lot of people needing support. ! Yeh try cruse bereavment ! Worth a go … honestly they were so kind to me xx
@Cjmpr . Six months before my husband died l had an army of medical professionals in & out of the house. The day he died they all disappeared, leaving me disabled & housebound to fend for myself.
After the funeral not a one came near, l reached out to several agencies for support and hit a brick wall, even his family didn’t bother keeping in touch.
A couple of my neighbours ignore me knowing full well my situation, l smile at their offer ‘if you need anything let me know’, How? How do l do that? l cant knock on your door (I cant get out), ring your phone (l dont have your number) How??
It wasn’t till May l finally sent a begging email to my GP for help, that she called and admitted that they had forgotten about me and the consequential aftermath.
lm still waiting for the promised help, but hopefully it wont be too long.
But at the end of the day nothing and no-one can give what l really need - my husband.
I understand where you are coming from im 7 months from losing my partner and it was the same for me…i realised we have to do this on our own in a way…we have to learn to live a different life not tge the we wanted.its the one we r given…hope you find strength x
I really understand how you are feeling. People just move on and assume you are ok they dont want to hear you are still grieving.
There is little understanding how losing a partner is devasrating and that a few kind words of aknowledgment and understanding goes a long way. I wish you peace.
@susie101
Thank you for your reply.
I’m so sorry you have had to join our community. I hope you can get some comfort from knowing that all of us on here understand each other.
You are so right, that unless you’ve lost a husband/wife/partner, you can’t understand, no other loss is the same.
xx