Nobody mentions him.

Hello All,

I just need to say this .

19 months ago I lost my lifelong partner suddenly and unexpectedly.

At only 69, at the start of our retirement and only 3 months after my mother’s death.
It has destroyed our lives.

Today would have been his 71st. birthday.

Nobody mentioned this, family phoned me today and I know they care about me but why oh why can’t anyone talk to me about him?

I know they don’t want to upset me but it upsets me more that nobody talks about him.
I’m upset everyday anyway.

I feel like cutting off communication with everybody from my past and disappearing off the face of the earth.

Thanks for reading this , there is no answer. Jx


Hi, I lost my husband 5 months ago and my father 6 months begore that, I know how you feel, I feel that my husband isn’t mentioned now and when I do the subject is changed, for me it feels like there is a barrier now between family, friends and me at a time when I need them more then ever, I can only assume it’s because there grief is nothing like mine and they don’t understand, it’s hurtful and sad but I think we’ll at least my husband has me grieving for him!

Hello, I just wanted to say how I feel for you that noone acknowledged a day that would be so special for you . You did have phone calls so the empathy was probably there but the right words missing . That’s such a shame . Don’t cut every one off , I’m sure they have you in their hearts .
I hope tomorrow is s better day.

Thank you for your reply, it’s nice to know somebody understands.Jx

Thank you for replying, yes the empathy is there but it just rubs in how completely alone I am. The one person who was always there for me isn’t now. Jx

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We have three children and we talk about Al all the time. I think because we always treated family deaths as a step on the road we have no inhibition when talking about his life and his death is an accepted part of that. I understand your feelings and maybe you could talk to your family and explain you want him to stay real and keep the importance of the role of love he had in your life shining.
I hope this happens and you can remember him and share your joint and individual memories

What you say reflects my feelings exactly. It’s almost certain that people who care about you don’t want to risk upsetting you. What they don’t appreciate is that it helps to talk about the partners we’ve loved so much. I think about my husband every single day (20 months on) and missing him is painful every day, the loneliness won’t go away and I wonder how many years before it stops hurting, but I’d like to know that others haven’t forgotten him. So I need to talk about him.

We’re also a polite and restrained society, on the whole, uncomfortable with displays of emotion and maybe some people worry about provoking tears. When actually it’s also good to talk about the fun times and laugh.

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Hi Jackie, How are you? Are you a bit better now? I am sorry that people don’t mention Dale now, and I understand how frustrating that must be. I hate it when people talk to me for weeks and make no mention of my dad. I wish people would ask me what I want to talk about, and you know what, I want to talk about my dad. Not necessarily sit there and just cry how upset I am, but to just talk about him and his life and how I wish he was here. That’s all.