As the fourth month approaches the ups and downs continue and after a decent up then the crash is overpowering. But people see 'time" from a different perspective and somehow think I am doing well because I go on with the motions of this so called life. They don’t understand. They don’t get it. Time is standing still and while they think it’s been long enough it’s not even starting. They live their lives and forget to reach out and check how the days are going because they still have the old image of the strong, fighter woman but I am someone different now. They just can’t see it. Or refuse to see it. They will never understand. I think people see what makes them comfortable and grief is so ugly they ignore it’s in the midst of my life and taking over. This is exhausting. And a solo trip. Companions are scarce and afraid.
Hi.
I am heading rapidly into six months-half a year,my emotions seem to be on the end of a never ending bungee cable.sometimes it feels like yesterday other times ages ago.i actively don’t go out to find new friends,if I had wanted to join a bowls,walking,social etc I would have done it in the past,I believe that little chink of light is there and experienced a tiny uplift but still crawling along at a snails pace,yes I still break down,I have started cooking again and accepting some drink/ lunch/ dinner invites,although I do try to avoid the couples ones though.
I really hope you can find your peaceful comfort life again.
Love RonXx
@Viajera They don’t understand, they don’t get it, they don’t see it.
Perhaps they don’t need to, as we are the ones who are going through it, and it is a very lonely experience. Their time will come, and it might be that we won’t be there for them, as our lives will have progressed and we won’t want to take that step back and be reminded. Maybe we have to do this alone and work through it by ourselves, and others can only do so much to help and support us? Nowadays I expect little and am pleasantly surprised when there is a chink of light in my days.
I’m always amazed when I look in the mirror and find that I look the same as I did before. That’s what others see. We can’t really blame them for thinking that all is just fine for us.
Exactly. People tell me I’m doing well. I’m not. They don’t see me when I’m desperately crying out ‘I need you, please come back
I can’t cope with being alone, Where have you gone, I need you so much’
We were strong because we were together, as one, part of a good team. Now half of us is gone and we feel weak and lost.
Yes, looking the same is quite the irony as we don’t look the way we feel. In my childhood I was always curious about the women I saw all dressed in black and how my mom would say they were in mourning.I couldn’t understand it. Now, so many years later I wish our culture had that same way of showing other how the hearts were broken. I would love to dress in black for as long as my soul feels the need to do it and express outwardly what’s going on inwardly. But I just look the same with my colorful outfits day in and day out. You made an absolute great point. We look the same even though we are broken 
My husband died a few years ago after a long illness and I still get moments when the tears start. I can be walking past our photographs of when we were young and wonder where the years have gone. I can still remember being a teenager when we met and knew we were meant to be, now I am 82 years of age and still miss him.
Many of our friends from the 1960’s have also died and I find myself being more or less, the last woman standing.
I don’t think you ever get over losing a loved one, you just learn to live with it.
Take care.