Has anyone else found that the people being supportive after a bereavement has been surprising or disappointing?
I have numerous friends who have hardly contacted me in the four months since my mum died, and conversely, people who I would have considered acquaintances who’ve kept in touch with me and been very kind and supportive when I wouldn’t necessarily have expected them to be.
A woman who I have always thought of as a very close friend has repeatedly ignored my attempts to make plans and meet up, even when I explicitly told her I was having such a hard time that I had been signed off sick from work again. Now, weeks later she has messaged me to let me know all about her new boyfriend but not even asked how I am. Because I haven’t replied, she has followed up with numerous messages asking why I haven’t replied and if I’m ‘too busy’ or, eventually, if I’m annoyed at her.
I am now annoyed that she sees nothing wrong with ignoring me for weeks on end but can’t even give me the space of a few days to reply to her, and that she has turned out to be so inconsiderate of what I’m going through.
I find myself increasingly relying on a small number of people who’ve been consistently helpful, supportive and understanding. I start to worry that I might lean too heavily on them and become a burden, even though they’ve never suggested that.
But it’s disappointing to see how many supposed friends just seem not to care that I’ve lost my mum, or are simply not interested enough to even call or text, much less offer to meet me.
I read somewhere recently that suffering a bereavement makes you ‘rewrite your address book’ as you find the people you can and cannot rely on, and I am now really starting to feel the truth in that - I cannot imagine continuing friendships with people who have been so disinterested in what has been the hardest time of my life.