"Normal" activities help

I am a semi-retired pharmacist. I work only 4 or 5 shifts a month these days. This week I worked 2 shifts back-to-back which I hadn’t done in well over a year (it gets harder to stand 9 hours straight and work as fast as you can by the back half of your 60’s). I had become aware a couple of months ago that I really look forward to my work days but only this week became fully aware of why this is true. It is because it is the only thing that I do that is completely and totally exactly the same as it was “before”. Work bears no constant reminders of my wife because it was always something that I did on my own. The only downside is that it makes coming home that much harder because cold, hard reality slaps you in the face like a Mack truck as soon as you darken the door of your empty house.
I guess my point is that we all need to find things to do every week that we can do exactly as we always have to try to find a brief respite from the changes that we are all trying to navigate.


I totally agree. If I do things I used to do on my own, I am fine until I return home again. It definitely gives you respite and gives your brain a break from missing them. Visiting places we used to go together is very difficult and brings back too many memories.

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@AceHigh I fully agree in sentiment and spirit. One thing I have come to realise lately is that I always had time to fill before my Wife died, why would now be any different? It’s a bit of an odd realisation, as it’s made me reflect on how I have been living my life up until now. And with that, how my Wife and I lived our lives before her diagnosis and onwards. We tried to live the way that we wanted to and for the most part that worked and we loved it and it gives me confidence. I come home to the empty house and it still hurts and I still miss her, but I’m beginning to realise that with her gone I have new options and choices to make, and I will make them with her in mind. Living for her.


@AceHigh I totally get this. In the first days and weeks after my husband passed I couldn’t visit any of the places we went together. I couldn’t even watch TV programmes we watched together (still can’t). But work was the one place that had no connection to my husband and that really helped.

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I too can’t watch TV programmes we used to watch together. It does rather limit my viewing. In fact I rarely put the TV on now. I am hoping I will be able to watch it again as we go into winter. We used to love Strictly Come Dancing and I am hoping as it is different celebrities I will be able to watch it. The trouble is the rest of the programme is the same. Not sure yet.

@Maz6 I too rarely watch TV now. Like you I’m hoping over time this will get better. In the early days I couldn’t look at photos or videos of my husband as it was just too upsetting. I find now I’m start to enjoy looking at them again. Take care.