not able to say goodbye 'for greater good'.

My partner died early March last year, cancer, on a ventilator which I agreed could be turned off. I was so lucky to be able to be with him at the end. I was talking about this to a friend - now an ex friend- who said it was for the greater good that people cannot be with their loved ones at the end. I am afraid I exploded, told him I hope he remembers this if his wife is dying and he is denied being with her. How would others have dealt with this? I really feel that by doing this we are denying our humanity , without family and friends, we are nothing.


Thank you for your comment. I feel so sad to have lost a long standing friend but his comment was so heartless, I just can’t feel the same about him. I will live with agreeing to turn off that machine until I die. However, at least I know my partner died peacefully even though I don’t think he knew I was there. I can’t imagine not being allowed to be with him in that situation. Yes, I guess I am being too emotional even though it is 11 months ago, but I can’t help what I feel in my heart.


I think that was not a helpful comment to make. We were able to go and see my husband, who was on a ventilator, with Covid. That was the Sunday. On the Monday morning, very early, they rang me to explain that they wanted to withdraw treatment. I agreed. He died without any family around him three hours later. None of this feels like it is for any ‘greater good’.

There are no words to say how inhumane it is, to be prevented from seeing those we love, especially at the end. Whatever happened to right to family life? The person who made that comment to me about the greater good has never been in the position we have been. However, I do not think it justifies the lack of empathy which is why he is an ex friend.

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