Day 6 since the loss of my partner who took his own life and im a mess, even the diazepam is not helping , sitting feeling lonely,lost, scared of the future and the feeling of not wanting to continue my life without him, i would never do anything as i would not do that to my kids ,parents and sister but im just saying how i feel. I have been here before when i was widowed 7 years ago and i have no strength to go another new life without the love of my life who with had plans for the future. I also am struggling so bad with what i witnessed the night i found him 
sorry for going on i just needed to speak to someone who k ows how im feeling. Love to you all at thos difficult time we are all going through
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@Miamoo2017 I can’t begin to imagine what what’s going through your head right now…and I doubt I can say anything to help but I want you to know we’re listening xx
If you think you need immediate help and someone to talk to, there is a link on the page xx
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Sorry you are feeling so bad. It’s so recent for you. Xx
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Miamoo,
I know how you feel I too are not coping at all.
I also have the feeling of not wanting to continue with my life and each day wish it was me who died.
Same as you I would never do anything, as I have kids who need me.
But I does not stop me feeling that way, I am told this is normal and will eventually pass ever the years.
In reality life is SH1T when you are the one left.
Hold on in there I’m sure time will help us is some form of recovery
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Thank you all your kindness is appreciated and im so glad i found you all on this group xx
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Miamoo just take things by the hour and try not to think of the future at the moment.
Try to distract yourself to help ease your pain and be kind to yourself. Lean on those who are around and keep posting on here and let your thoughts and feelings out.
We can listen and be alongside you as we all suffer together.
Hope you get some rest tonight xx
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Thank you so much , i have my 2 sons staying tonight and we are having a few drinks and bless them they are trying to cheer me up xx
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So this.morning i woke up in hospital and frightened my sons, my oldest was with me and my youngest is so upset because he thought i was going to die. I did not mean to do it, i was having a couple of drinks, was upstairs and took my usual medication that i always take and i also took a diazepam and that mixed with the alcohol and an empty stomach resulted in me being taken to hospital. I feel so bad for what i put my sons through
So sorry. Xx
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Oh @Miamoo2017 are you ok ?
That must have been frightening for you all.
I hope you make a speedy recovery and have no lasting effects.
Just a day at a time for now and remember we are here if you need to offload or some support when things are bad. Xx
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Im ok and feel stupid and awful at how my kids are distraught as they thought i meant to do it but i didnt. I would never hurt my kids in that way , thank you for messaging
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Easily done, though. My disabled daughter used to really love a small glass of Bailey’s. New tablets mean she can’t have alcohol. I make her iced coffee as a treat sometimes because she doesn’t understand and just thinks I am denying her. 
Strangely enough, she must not have grapefruit juice either.
It must have been scary for all of you. I hope your sons are okay now and realise it was just a mistake any of could make. Xx
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@Miamoo2017 As @Willow112 said, very easily done. Glad that you’re OK now, what a scare!
I crashed and wrote off my car 6 days after he died one February night. I wasn’t in a fit state and shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. My daughter asked me “Mum, promise me you didn’t take codeine before you drove?” I hadn’t, but shows how they worry.
Absolutely does, hated seeing my boys so upset and i had to let my daughter and sister know ,it was stupidity and i didnt think of how could have reacted, if anything my youngest son heated me 2 small pieces if pizza and almost stood over me whilst i ate them , tried my best tonforce myself to eat 1 and a bit and he was happy so im happy, i would never leave my kids by my own hands, thanks for your message i appreciate it , glad you were ok after ur crash xx
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I badly scratched the car a week after he died. Stupid thing is, I don’t actually remember it happening. It has all the sensors and bleeps if you get too close to anything. I was just practicing reversing and parking in my drive. I noticed paint on the post the next day and then saw my car was scratched. Only me drives it, so it must have been me. 
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So sorry. Easily done, too. Hope you are ok.
Is this a widow-thing? I also scrunched my car a few weeks after John died; got into a panic and reversed into a farm gate. ÂŁ300 damage! but the gate was ok.
I had a hire car after my crash. Filled it up with petrol and was about to drive off without paying, til my friend pointed it out. I’m never such a loon usually!
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I would never deliberately hurt my kids, but im sitting here think why did i survive i would be so much more at piece if i had just slipped off , now i just feel like im in limbo and i hate this feeling. Xx