What a wonderful person you are, thanks you and big hugs back from me to you.
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So sorry for your loss @Daisyloo.
I lost my beloved wife to cancer 9 months ago. I cope by looking for any insights that will help me get through this nightmare. I retain the bits that work for me and think of them as my lifelines. I donât know if this strategy will help anyone else but all I can say is it has helped me to focus on something more positive than the dark thoughts my mind keeps throwing at me.
This is one of the insightful pieces I found online. I thought it might give some hope to those who are in the darkest depths of despair.
When youâre at a low point in your life, it feels like itâs never going to end, but it will; it always does. The hardest part is not believing the thoughts in your head that tell you it wonât. The mind is tricky. When youâre in pain, it tells you things that arenât true. It whispers that youâll always feel this way; that nothing will change; that youâll never be happy again. But those are just thoughts; they come and go like passing clouds and just because a thought appears in your head doesnât mean itâs true. You felt joy before. Maybe itâs been a while; maybe you donât even remember what it feels like but if you felt it once it means you can feel it again. That part of you isnât gone; itâs just buried right now, covered by everything youâve been carrying.
Just do one small thing and then another, thatâs how healing happens. Thatâs how you slowly climb out of despair. None of us are perfect, but we donât need to be. We just need to keep going. Small things matter and each one is proof that youâre still here; still fighting. Healing doesnât mean you have to fake a smile; it just means you allow yourself to feel without believing that the feeling will last forever, because no emotion lasts forever. The pain you are feeling right now, it wonât last forever either. Have you ever noticed how, when youâre in a dark place, your mind brings up every bad memory, every regret, every mistake? Thatâs because pain tries to convince you that itâs permanent. But think about this. If youâve ever had a good moment in your life, even just one, that means good moments are possible. They didnât disappear. And just as pain arrives unexpectedly, so does joy.
Youâve made it to this moment; youâve survived everything life has thrown at you so far. Youâve endured unimaginable pain and somehow youâre still here and that means youâre stronger than you realise. Pain doesnât mean youâre weak; struggling doesnât mean youâre failing. They mean youâre alive, and as long as youâre alive, thereâs still room for something beautiful to come into your life. Right now, it doesnât feel that way. Right now, it feels impossible, but the day will come when youâll look back at this moment and realise you made it through. You survived the days you thought you wouldnât. You kept going even when everything inside you told you to stop. That is strength and no one can take that away from you.
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Youve made me cry , saying all those lovely things
It was our wedding anniversary last friday âŚalso my sons birthday so i knew i had to get through it .which i did and was pleased with myself .still cried when i was alone .
But you are right i survived a day i thought i wouldnt
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Beautiful writing Wilson, thank you
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I agree with Gumby, such beautiful words, I am 13 weeks in and i am feeling no joy in anything, but you are absolutely right about pain arriving unexpectedly and so can joy.
I long for the days when i start to feel âmeâ again but i am aware that my time scale at the moment is very early days. A long way to go yet !!
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Wilson9
I had a very very dark night, zero sleep and I visited a lot of dark spaces . I intend to read your message every day to give me something to hang onto but it remains extremely tough, hopeless and helpless at times as my heart just caves in
Thank you
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I have three daughters and eight grandchildren so, there have been a lot of firsts to deal with since my wife passed in October 2024. All the family birthdays, Christmas, New Year, Valentineâs Day, the scattering of my wifeâs ashes in April, Motherâs Day and Fatherâs Day. I thought I was coping until June when I had to deal with the anniversary of the day we first met, and our wedding anniversary. I had a major wobble. I had reached the point where I could walk past a photo of my wife and smile; but now I couldnât look at a photo of her without crying. It was like being thrown back in time. Itâs very unsettling and it shakes your confidence.
I decided I needed to find a way of changing my mindset or the tears, the misery and the despair would continue. Iâm not a religious person so, I looked at spiritual beliefs and tried to figure out how these could help me. This is what I try to think about now whenever I find myself dwelling on my wifeâs absence.
We are eternal spiritual beings living a temporary physical existence. Death is just a transition to another form of life. Physical separation is temporary, while spiritual connection is eternal. The spiritual truth is that you are never truly separated from those you love. The bonds formed between souls transcend our temporary, physical existence. Your loved one sees you, hears you and remains connected to you through the unbreakable cord of love that binds you eternally. They understand your grief and wish you to know, that while they cannot return to physical form, they have never truly left you. In the fullness of time, when your own physical journey reaches completion, you will experience the indescribable joy of reunion. The veil that seems to separate you now will dissolve revealing that what appeared as absence, was merely a different kind of presence and what felt like an ending was merely transformation. You will recognise each other instantly, beyond physical appearance, in the unmistakable signature of your eternal essence. Until that moment of reunion, they want you to live fully, to experience joy again, to find meaning from your experience of loss and to allow their transition to open you to deeper dimensions of spiritual understanding. They want you to know that nothing is wasted; not the love you shared, not the grief you feel, not the growth that emerges from your journey through loss. All of it serves the evolution of your soul, just as your love continues to serve the evolution of theirs.
Love never dies; it simply changes form. It continues to flow between souls across dimensions, connecting hearts across the seeming divide between worlds; it sustains us until the moment when, reunited beyond the Illusions of time and space, we realise that we were never truly separated at all.
I have no way of knowing how much of this is real or imagined and it doesnât really matter. I know this wonât be for everyone, but for me, having something more uplifting to believe in that gives some comfort or respite, no matter how small or for how long, is a lifeline.
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