Hi all, im really not coping very well, everyone thinks i am. It is early days , 7 weeks on tuesday. Everything seems to be getting harder, i know its a very long journey, my functioning levels seem to be getting worse and i feel like im going to have a nervous break down. Everybody keeps saying you need to feel the grief but it is absolutely killing me. Im waiting for counselling, i have seen 2 doctors who are useless, i just feel like i cant do this . Anyone any suggestons.
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Hi Daisyloo. First so sorry for your loss. Mine is 18 weeks today and I miss her so much. 
I agree with the getting harder bit. These last couple of weeks have been awful for me and no doubt those around me.
All I can suggest is keep chatting here and try and find others local to you who fully understand what the loss of a partner means.
I prefer talking to those who know, rather than those who keep telling you that time will heal. It never will. I may learn to live with this grief, but my heart will always be broken.
You look after yourself 
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Hi Daisyloo,
Iām sorry for your loss.
You are very early in your grief, itās been 3 months since my mum passed and it feels sometimes as raw as it did at the start.
From what I can remember the first 6-8 weeks I was in a numb, shock, just existing state. Very tearful, but getting on with all the necessary arrangements. Itās a horrible, weird time. But then the day after my mumās ashes were interred, it suddenly hit me, this is it, sheās gone. The anxiety of the reality hit me, and like you I thought I was losing it. But it has been explained to me by grief counsellors that this is a normal reaction. Once the shock/numbness lifts you are left with the realisation while your body is still needing to heal from the intense shock. A doctor described it to me as a āmajor life eventā and anxiety/fear is a natural response.
So try to take a step back from it and think what you would say if this was happening to a friend, and apply this to yourself.
My advice is to talk to people, doesnāt have to be counsellors, but express what your fears and worries are, and talk about it. And try to go for walks and look after yourself.
Do you have a good support network?
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Hi Daisyloo
I know exactly how youāre feeling its the same for me. I keep saying out loud I canāt
keep going I just want him back. Iāve never felt so much pain in my life Brian died 7th June. Canāt stop crying get into the car and normally cry and keep begging for him to come back. The only thing I want is to be with him. Which is very selfish as i have a daughter and Grandchildren. Brian had colon cancer that spread, he was given two and half years. But only lasted five and a bit months. He was just 75 in may but a very fit and strong man bootcamp excise 3_5 a week he looked and behaved as a 50year old .he had prostate cancer twice beat that no problem .we were convinced heād make it. Iām still in shock canāt believe heās gone .Iām lonely and scared and canāt think of a future without him. People say it gets better i canāt see how that can be true and I have to be strong How??? . We were living together for almost 28 years but we had known each other for 43 years since I was 27 heās always been here, and Iām sorry to rant on so much .
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Hi 33S
Very sorry for your loss
You are not ranting in any way. Everything you have stated fits with me having lost my wonderful soul mate of 37!years on Monday last but she on palliative care the quickly into end of life at home for the previous 18 days. I dragged myself out of the house this morning and when I came back I felt totally utterly empty and have asked myself whatās the point . I have been registering the death, choosing coffin , cask venue ect earlier this week so all I want to do is sleep but I have to write the eulogy etc. I see our neighbours walking around the village all happy couples who we have dined with and I feel like shouting ā donāt you know Sally is deadā. F. the lot of you, but of course I donāt say anything but go back into the house and sob to myself and of aks Sally for help. Itās like we are in a parallel universe
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Hi Nedh
Iām so very sorry you have lost Sally. I feel the same when you see others happy together. The weekends are worse it seems Iāve been to a drop-in cafe for people who have lost someone but Iām not sure if itās going to help Just didnt think Iād be doing anything like that. its a different life Nobody wants.
do you have family near to you?
My daughter and partner and grandchildren live about 20 minutes away
Sheās been amazing took a month of work
Stayed in the hospice with me for the 6 days Brian was there, and his daughter was there a couple nights with her dad.
She pretty much organised his funeral and her mums aswell as she died about 5 weeks before him. Itās been a horrible sad time for his 3 children there all have their own familyās. Iāve not a clue how to keep going without him. Iām not going to say stay strong which is what people say to me
Because Itās impossible to be strong when you have lost your love
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Thank you 33-S
I am ok when anyone on this forum offers advice or guidance so you saying stay strong is perfectly acceptable because you have experienced it and understand it
Thank again for the constant support
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It is hard seeing couples , some couples not even happy together.
I selfishly think why my lovely husband and not them .
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I am so sorry for your loss. This is a nightmare but you can get through it.
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Hi @Nedh
Iām so sorry for your loss.
My husband died in his sleep in March aged 52years old.
I also feel like Iām existing in a parallel universe. It feels as if my real life is somewhere else and Iāve been teleported into a world I feel very disconnected from.
I never thought life would turn in to this hellish sh**show.
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Hi Daisylou, I feel your pain itās been 12 weeks since my husband Daniel my love of 46 yrs passed suddenly from cancer. Yes it is getting harder for me too, itās mind blowing to try and comprehend his presence is no longer here. I donāt know when or if I will ever find a way to exist without him. So sorry for your loss.
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Hi Lonelyplanet
There have been a few times on this forum when I have smiled or laughed at the responses all positive smiles and laughs so thank you again for describing it as a hellish sh**show. I really could have never ever thought the depth of pain could be so debilitating. Some days I feel absolutely numb and I mean numb. If I can share, yesterday I went to my wifeās sister for bbq. First time I have been anywhere without my wonderful Sally. I felt such a fake being there, and developed an incredible headache( I never get headaches and I was not drinking I , donāt actually drink much anyway maybe a glass of wine in a week.) anyway I tried to bring Sallys name into the conversation a few times but none of the group (only four people) wanted to talk about her, so when I got back home I burst into tears and had an almighty sob, I wanted to talk about Sally. Today I had a text from same sister in law saying nice of you to come it must of been hard for you its hard for all of us etc. In the past Sally would have insisted on just saying thanks for the day wonderfulā¦ but I decided no on this occasion I said āyes it was extremely difficult and what I found most difficult and upsetting is that none of you wanted to talk about Sally, my wife of 34 years partner for 37 and my soul mate who runs through my veins, I cried when I got home because of that, so thank you for the BBQ and yes it was extremely hard but I was glad I did it.ā
Sorry for the rant, but this community is absolutely amazing and are the only people who understand it. Thank you
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Oh this must have been awful
So sorry for your loss x
Best way is to be honest to people in responses. I started doing it after someone here mentioned it. It can shock people and you may lose the occasional friend, but itās right they know, if only to share a bit of what we are suffering.
Take care
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It is difficult going places on your own ,
Its really hard when you feel everyone else has moved on ā¦i do understand it and dont want to bring the mood down but they need to understand how we feel too x
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I know how you feel I am 11 weeks on. Do you sleep?
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Im 6 months on sleeping a bit better ā¦but only going bed 12ish and sleeping till 6 ish .but because im so tired i sleep through.
I have to be satisfied with this for now
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Even with sleeping pills I only sleep for 1 hour
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Thank you again for all your support, really it helps so much that we can share our deepest emotions and not feel embarrassed or that we may upset someone.
For what it is worth , I could not sleep for that past 20 days(when Sally was dying) and I thought I was going to go mad. I spoke to my GP who actually visited Sally a number of times in her 20 day end of life care( he said probably days at the start then after day 15 saidā¦ I give up with Sally she defies logic(thatās my girl) anyway he prescribed Loraxepam 1mp, either 1/2 or one tab at night under your tongue. I try not to take it every night but when I do, I sleep for 4-5 hours and that really helps me prepare for the next day. Before that I was like a zombie( I am still very tearful ) but I donāt feel as tired during the day.
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@Nedh Iām glad I made you smile, even for a minute 
What people donāt understand is that we donāt want to forget our partners - they existed, they made an impact on this world, our world. Keep saying how you feel and remember that you have every right to feel the way you do!
Message me or rant on here any time you feel like it. Weāre all here for you because we all understand.
Warmest of virtual hugs.
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