My husband of 34 yrs passed away January of this year from brain cancer. It was a short illness that took him 3 mths from diagnosis. I’m not doing well today. I’m so lost. My self confidence is gone, I’m riddled with anxiety, I cry most days. I just want to give up. I have no friends near me, I am retired. Friends I do have have basically abandoned me. I don’t know how people get through this. I really don’t
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Hi.
I fully understand how you feel. My wife went in 6 weeks from getting ill. Just taken the dog out and it is raining a lot. When she was here I would come back and say " I think it’s raining" of course I was soaking wet! Just small things that you miss. I cry every day, it is so hard. I can’t say you will get through it. I hope that things get better but life will never be the same.
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I reached for his favourite ice cream at the grocery store the other day. I had to leave the store. i just hope life doesn’t stay like this. If I have to stay in this state, I won’t make it. People say it gets better & some days are ok (mostly) and then bam, I get hit upside the head again and I’m down again. Up and down up and down. Hardest thing I have ever had to deal with
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It’s really hard to know what to say. I go to the shop and she would wait in the car. I still look and expect to see her sitting there. Miss her so much!
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I understand so well. How long were you together? I wish there was a magic wand that would take away all of this. I think the only way out is distraction
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I understand how you feel. I lost my husband of nearly 43 years in February this year. He went into hospital towards the end of January and then was gone in 3 weeks telling me that, eventually because they couldn’t see it at first, that the cancer he’d had in his forties had come back. I do have friends but they don’t understand and my former doctor was no help when I asked for assistant with anxiety and depression! I have two little fluffy cats which I adopted a few months after my husband had gone and they sort of help, at least someone sleeps with me in the bedroom. Although I talk to people I never let on how awful I feel all of the time because, going back to my childhood, I don’t want to upset them. We can only take one day at a time, some times a day may be slightly better but with the change in the weather/season it’s become even harder. I have found this site a great help so keep coming on here and letting out whatever you need to say because people here understand. Take care xx
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My husband had hodgkins when he was 28 and did the full chemo etc. We were newly married with a 1yr old at the time. He beat it and I am thankful I got 33 more years with him. The only cancer they could find in him this time was brain. They did so many scans trying to find another source but there wasn’t one. An egg sized tumour in his head was all they could find so they too said “its from the cancer he had before”…I dont believe that.
because…
Five days before my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer, his older brother died of that very thing but he got diagnosed 2 yrs prior to him dying and 5 yrs ago, their mother died of the same thing and in June, our cat had brain cancer…I don’t know if my husband, his brother and their mom were exposed to anything at one point or not but there are 3 remaining siblings who are losing their minds with worry
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I know its hard you take 1 step ahaead and you go back from where you started.
Its exactly 2 months today since my husband passed away its such an awful journey.
When I used to come back from work he used to wait at the station to pick me up although our house,was not far but he loved waiting and picking me up.would drive home discussing what to eat for dinner !
He was full of life tried to enjoyed every moment .
When he was in hospital he missed home badly one day I took permission from doctors arranged everything and bought him home .He cried when he laid on his bed and said he was thinking he would never make it to home. Spent beautiful afternoon home and later took him back…
I wish I could do the same get him back from where he has gone.
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I wish we all could. It’s so true about the step forward and then backwards. I think OK this is good…I’ve gone almost the whole day without crying…thinking I’m making progress and then I get hit with days like today where it feels like I’ve taken 10 steps backwards. What triggered it was halloween. He absolutely LOVED halloween. He would decorate for all the kids in the neighbourhood and he’d sit on the front porch giving out candy. He just loved everything about it. I couldn’t bring myself to give out candy this year without him so I didn’t. THere were no decorations, no candy, no him. And then it snowed…and that put me right over the edge because the first snow to him was just the most amazing thing. Every year for 34 yrs I watched him go on and on about the first snow of the season. So, those 2 things have thrown me for a loop big time. I don’t know what I am going to do at Christmas. I don’t even want Christmas this year. Christmas was his most favourite of all. I miss him so much. At the same time, I am so afraid of becoming “stuck” in grief. I don’t want to get stuck. I don’t want to be like this 2 or 3 years from now. I don’t want to be like this 10 yrs from now. I’m terrified of complicated grief. My mind is just all over the place so I apologize for jumping from one thing to the next.
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Not looking forward to Christmas at all. She loved it and getting the tree up and decorated. What will be worse is that it’s our wedding anniversary Christmas eve. Really is going to be hard!
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do you have any family you can hang out with? Anniversaries are hard. He passed on the 25th of Jan. Our anniversary was Aug 25 but that was also 7mths of him gone as well so that was a hard one. …which also happens to be the date for Christmas, and our anniversary…so this christmas will be 11 mths of him being gone plus christmas day. Honestly I wish he had passed on a different date.
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I am truly dreading Christmas. My husband loved it so much - all the music, the decorations, the shopping. I have no idea how I am going to get through it without him.
I have come over to Spain, to our happy place. A week here with the family and then a week on my own just to reflect. The bus back from town today drove past the avocado farm and the sight of them hanging from the trees set me off and I am having a full on meltdown now. We only moved to this house two years ago. We used to have a villa surrounded by avocado trees. He loved to go walking around our terraces with a big bag and his ‘picking stick’ choosing the biggest and ripest for our kitchen.
I am missing him so very much today, 4 months on, that I am weeping more than the week he died. I have a physical pain in my chest from missing him and I don’t think I will ever fill it or heal around it.
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You will somehow. No one tells us how. No one can fix it. No on can help. We are on our own and thats the sucky part. They say you will grow around it…oh yeah? when? When we do. Helpful right? Nope. So, we flounder until it happens.
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