Not coping with the loss of my dad xx

Hi my names cherie, this is my first post and cant quite believe I’m on here speaking about the loss of my amazing dad. I’m 28 years old and had a very strong relationship with my dad. He was my best friend, I’d talk to him about everything, everything I done was to make him proud. I couldnt of wished for more of him as a dad to me so the loss feels so unbearable!! He died quite suddenly after battling a short illness of sepsis. Its been 16 weeks now and honestly the first few weeks my whole body and mind was in shock, being the oldest of 4 siblings I powered through the funeral for them and my mum, I made sure they was okay and doing so I didnt have to deal with how I felt. But as the weeks turned into months the grief is consuming every part of me. In the last couple of weeks before he passed away he suffered terribly in hospital and we seen him in alot of pain and suffering, them days keep flooding back to me so so vivid when I close my eyes to sleep or even when I am asleep I’m dreaming about it. I’m at the point of I dont know where to go from here I have a partner, friends my mother and siblings but I dont want to burden them when I know they too feel the loss so bad. So here I am iv found my way to here to see if speaking to people in the same situation will help some how. I have thought of counceling but right now I dont want to leave my house I’m just so broken. Xxx

Cher. It’s a really awful time. I’m sorry for your loss. What you have described is how a lot of us feel on here after losing a parent. I’m currently sitting here just so desperately wanting to see my mum for one last hug. To tell her everything I want to tell her how much I love her and miss her. And the sheer hopelessness, that finality of them being gone forever literally crushes me. I used to feel so sorry for people that had lost a parent. Couldn’t imagine my mum being gone. And now I’m that person. I am motherless.

A short illness is a blessing for them. My mum had a very short illness, two days before she died we were told it was cancer. We thought she was having a short stay in the hospital because of a chest infection. But the problem is with short illnesses although an absolute blessing for them. It leaves us reeling unable to comprehend it. There are lots of people on here you can talk to who understand.

Thank you for your reply jooles, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Your completely right it is the finality of them really not coming back that just crushes you. My dad had stage 4 throat cancer 8 years ago, but he got through it, it wasnt easy for him or us but we had them years he fought hard to stay around that bit longer. So when his last visit to hospital just came on out of no where it really has just shocked me to the core. Even 2 months later I thought oh I’m dealing with this better than I thought then boom :frowning: I too used to look at my friends who had lost parents and feel for them but never did i look at them and think one day it will be me I’d loose my dad.

Many people say times is a healer, its only been 4 months for me but I don’t believe time will stop this feeling, no amount of time can heal a child from the loss of there parent?

Thanks again joules for your kind words x

Hi Cher, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in November and I can relate to everything you’ve said. My Dad was my best friend too, we had an incredibly strong relationship. He had COPD and Emphysema for 9 years but in the end he passed of a sudden heart attack at home and I found him. Like you, in the recent days I can’t get the last images out my head. I’ve started struggling going to sleep like I did in the beginning - finally falling asleep in the early hours after hours of crying and waking up the same. A zombie existing with a broken heart - a loss I’ve never experienced and never thought I’d have to deal with so young. I’ve just turned 27.
The one thing I keep replying to similar stories is to be more kind to ourselves, don’t expect too much and don’t compare your stories with others. Everyone’s different. I’ve not been back to work since, I’m just so devastated I can’t face people. Constant panic attacks, break downs with ‘no, not my dad’ being screamed at the top of my voice. Not in a denial way, just it isn’t fair.

Always here to talk, I’ve found it so helpful speaking to people who can really relate.

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. It really is the most devastating time of our lives!! The sleeping is horrendous I dont sleep very much but when I do its forever broken. I just dont no what to do for the best. Some people have said get up do something take your mind off things but at the minute getting up seems like a real struggle. I put alot of pressure on myself at first to just get through it for everyone else but eventually I broke down. I’m hoping for better days to come but for now I just cant see them. Thank you for rellying to me, it does feel great to be able to reach out and talk to people in the same situation. And again I’m so sorry for your loss.

I feel the exact same! There’s no rule book or guidance notes that we can look up either. I don’t know if staying off is the right thing to do but the thought of going back to work send me to anxiety city! Just feel so helpless sometimes and when I do have a good minute in a bad day, I feel guilty for it.

We can’t win. We have to learn to live with it, or so I’m told but that seems impossible when the first man you ever loved and ever loved you is gone.
I just received my necklace though - it’s a little dragonfly made from his ashes that I wear everyday. It’s both awful and wonderful at the same time. I get to take him with me everywhere I go, but that thought breaks my heart sometimes that I’m staring at my Dad in the form of jewellery.
Just a thought.


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I too lost my DAD - it was one year ago this month
Then list my dog on the very day one year later
However- I too did not want to leave my home
I have to push myself as do you- our fathers would want that- sue Ryder has helped me
I so understand your pain- however WATCH FOR SIGNS!!! They are there!!! Whenever I see #44
I know my dad is watching over me!!!
You may see a feather or a butterfly- keep your eyes open. Your Dad is there for you-
You were and are a wonderful daughter and comfort to him. He loved you
Joady hv

Honestly dont push yourself when your ready you will know. Feeling such a loss is going to take time mentally and emotionally to be ready to get back out there. Of course we know our dads wouldn’t want us to sit around crying hysterical angry and everything else we feel but they will understand because we are there children and whatever it takes for us to be okay and strong enough is all that matters.feeling the guilt of a smile a laugh or a moment of just normality is completely normal I do all the time. Your necklace sounds beautiful my mum has mentiond things like that for me and my siblings I’m just not ready yet. Iv seen a lovely tattoo with his fingerprint I might have done in the future too. My partner got me a build a bear with dads voice in which I love and didnt stop playing at the beginning but it’s got alot harder to hear as times gone on but still something I treasure.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and beloved dog joady, I lost my american bull dog 8 days after my dad passed away she was 13 the only thing that got me through both massive losses was they was together. I’m always looking for signs i know hes never far from me I just long for that last goodbye hug. It’s awful but I’m finding this talking to people is helping me instead of holding everything inside which I have been doing. X

Hi Watt92
I lost my mum to COPD on 1st January. My world fell apart and I do not think I will ever be the same. We had just moved into a new house, mum, dad and myself. Life was great. Mum had struggled with COPD for many years and I guess we just got used to infections and rescue medication. She was a little unwell before Christmas and she took her rescue medication. Over the Christmas we were just living life as normal. She even ordered a new coffee table which was due to be delivered 6th January. New years eve she took a bad turn and was rushed to hospital by 06:30 on New years day she had left us. The hospital put cause of death “COPD” but I just cannot understand how things went wrong so quickly, I guess I will never know. I miss mum like crazy. Whilst you have your loved ones around you I guess you take them for granted until they are gone or is that just the fact of daily life, you just don’t expect this happening to yourself.

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I too have trouble sleeping
Never have actually go up at 2 am
Then bk to bed - I have cried all over again after losing my dog- but got out today
Got my hair colored- booked a cut
And am adopting a new dog in about 10 days
My Dad’s name was Max- the dog’s name is Mack
Just interesting. Take care. Try camomile tea
Before bed- another friend who lost her husband takes melatonin- I never have
We will get through this

My dad has COPD it’s scary how quickly it can turn. My mum had a chest infection. Then died from cancer. The speed of it all is shocking.

I was diagnosed with COPD some years ago, I am a walking (not very far) medical book. My mum used to get cross with me that I had all these medical problems, she would say, “I can’t understand it Mary, you were the one out of the 3 of you who I could breastfeed” .:kissing_heart:

Ha ha. See all these people banging on about breast feeding. I worry about my dads COPD. he’s newly diagnosed though. This time last year. He has given up smoking. And seems to manage it well.