I’m in my early 30s. My Dad passed away last month unexpectedly . He died of deep vein thrombosis. The PM revealed traces of cancer triggered the deep vein thrombosis. He beat cancer twice - prostate and bowel cancer. The bowel cancer came back. My siblings and I had an estranged relationship with him at the end (Parents spilt when I was 8) and tried many times to repair (On and off relationship for years) it but no joy in the end.
Since the passing of my Dad, my brother and I organised his repartition to Nigeria and he is at the mortuary now. We were very keen to honour his wishes despite the relationship we had. As things stand, we are not sure if we can go to the funeral in Nigeria as the Nigerian authorities are very strict on receiving UK citizens to the country due to the Covid restrictions.
It took about four weeks to sort out my Dad’s repartition. I didn’t have time to grieve or mourn and now this overcast of sadness, anxiety and guilt has shocked me. I am not sleeping well and I feel so anxious all the time. I wish I can see my extended family and friends but the lockdown rules. I’ve never felt so helpless , lonely and lost. I feel like I’m suffocating in grief. My Dad will never see me get married or my kids, that hurts. I wanted to hear my Dad’s voice again and I listened to my dissertation (a radio documentary) on the Nigeria-Biafra civil war - it gave me a bit of comfort. He was really proud of me when I produced it at uni. That was 11 years ago. Time flies. I only have one parent now and I cherish my Mum even more now.
I would really appreciate any advice.