I lost my mum on 7th April 2022 at the age of 61 from a perforated bowel which then turned into sepsis, I go through ups & downs of grief.
I also keep rethinking about the last time I ever seen her “awake” (as she was in ICU for 12 days before she died) when she was screeming in pain at home 
(family were unaware that she was sick until it was too late).
Also I always keep “seeing her” in an ICU bed with all the tubes (I can’t get that image out of my head).
very sorry. it is over now she is not in pain. memories torture us so.
it will ease in time. 
Oh my love I’m so sorry for you. I too lost my mum unexpectedly 7 weeks ago and it wasn’t very peaceful. Every time I try to sleep I see her in her final hours and it’s killing me inside. I don’t think I’m ever going to get through this
Im so sorry to hear about your mum’s passing also, it’s so so so so so so so so so so so so so horrible wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy (not that I have enemies). I just keep telling myself she is in a better place (which very occasionally helps)
I lost my mum 10 weeks ago. I can’t bare it.
I so understand your words! Can’t bear it is exactly the way I feel. I don’t physically think I can stand anymore pain. I’m going to the dr this afternoon hopefully. I’ve had about 5 hours sleep since Sunday - I’m a mess this week! Here if you need a chat x
Hi Kelly, good luck at the GP. I’m going on Friday afternoon. I was meant to go back to work today but I can’t face it. The thought of being around people makes me so anxious. Problem is I need to work to pay bills.
Hope all goes well x
Hi Claire
So sorry you’re feeling the pain but I know exactly how it is .
My mom passed in May with a fistula and diverticulitis what caused a blocked bowel & sepsis watching her suffer for 8 days was the worst experience I’ve ever gone through she was asking for help as nothing numbed her pain , the haunting image will always be with me 
How can someone who’s always been in your life …suddenly not be there , people said time heals but 6 months later the grief feels worse .
Im so sorry to hear that. Yes it’s really horrible to see your loved one’s in pain & nothing you can do to help them & then our outcome.
I feel & wish I could of done more for her. Even though my mum wasn’t “awake” for her last 12 days (she was in ICU on a ventilator) I really hope she could hear me talking to her all those days.
It’s very strange not having mum around (as I would see her everyday) yes people tell me the same but im 7 months into it & it hurts just as much now as it did then I just want my mum back.
I too lost my dad who was in hospital for 6 weeks nil by mouth as they wouldn’t operate. He too had a bowel perforation. Couldn’t eat or drink whilst everyone was in the ward doing just that. He was getting to the point where his bowel was healed and started eating and drinking again. Then he was sick and it went into his lungs and he died of pneumonia. He went through 6 weeks of torture to lose his life anyway. He was just so desperate to go home to my mum and his dog. This was 6 weeks ago and his wake is tomorrow. I can’t face people at work yet and don’t know when I’ll feel able to see people again.
I most mine is six years ago but I am in deep sympathy with all of your sadness.
it is a terrifying and painful time. I am so sorry. 