I’m really struggling. I can’t face another year without my Paul. When you lose a spouse you lose everything - holidays, Christmas, birthdays, weekends, day trips away. I’m so in need of a wee holiday to clear my head but I have no one to go with. 
It’s a dreadful life without your soul mate. We were married for 47 years.
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The loneliness is just awful.
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@laraine.g1, I’m just letting you know I merged your two threads together so that you can get support in the right place. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much - sadly, I think many of our members will identify with what you’re going through. Hopefully someone be along to share their thoughts.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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I am so sorry for your loss. I feel the pain, maybe slightly different to what you feel as I lost my son aged 35 in March 2023. He was my son, buddy and mate, even though we had our ups and downs. I am going backwards again today in my grief, questioning so many things, even though we have had an inquest. The pain we feel is awful. I hope you can find some peace x
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I’m not doing very well. .
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I am struggling as well, I lost my partner on the 2nd. I’m struggling to keep going. IV lost him and the life we wanted to live.
He was everything to me, he healed my inner pain and now he s gone. I dont want to live a life with our him, I want to go but I have to lay him to rest first
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Ah @laraine.g1 I hear you. I lost my wife last month and my world fell apart. We’ve moved around quite a bit so never established roots in one place. Her family were not close to her and I’m from abroad so mine is far away. She was my everything. We have 2 (adult) kids but one’s at Uni and the other one is, let’s say, operating on a different shift to me. So weekends are now a burden.
I’ve started going for long walks, during which I listen to various things. I’ve listened to It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine which I found quite comforting. And also the Griefcast podcast. I find myself selecting the ones that talk about the loss of a spouse (not many of them) because I want to know from them how they deal with the loss of a life partner. Spoiler alert - they struggle too.
For me there are 3 major parts to my grief at the moment. There’s the intense sadness. I don’t think I can do anything at all about that. There’s the fear and anxiety - and this is the one that I am struggling to understand completely. I mean what am I afraid of? The worst has happened and she’s gone. All I can think is that there’s still that disbelief - that somehow she will come back - and then I realise she’s gone and have that gut punch all over again. And the third one is the loneliness. This is something that I think I can address, but it will be hard. It’s about doing something with others. I think I would find value in talking to others about their bereavement, and locally there are some organised meetups, like walks, bereavement cafes, etc.
I have no answers for you. All I can say is that what you describe is very close to how I feel. Hopefully strength in numbers gives you some comfort.
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This is how I feel. Scared, sad, lonely, disbelief, despair. I did my want to carry on like this
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Thank you.
Thank you for understanding. Z