Not coping

My husband passed away a year ago and I am not coping very well I have more bad days than good I am so lonely with out him my whole life has changed now I am on my own
I struggle to make and eat meals as it’s no longer enjoyable my own
People and family ask how you are so I say ok because if I tell them the truth they shy away and don’t really what to here about how you really are so it’s easy to just say ok
I have a daughter and two sons but don’t let them know either as they have their own problems and I don’t want to burden them with mine
I must admit I have considered not carrying on I always wanted to live a long life but not now
There’s no pleasure in anything any more in my life I am literally just existing

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Hi @Widow1
It’s so hard when we lose a loved one and I don’t think from what I have heard that that pain ever really goes away.
It can be difficult to be honest with others as people don’t want their happy bubble to burst with those who don’t fit in it, but maybe it’s time to let your family know that things aren’t getting better for you and you could do with a bit support. They maybe think that you are doing ok and have no idea. Losing a parent is very different from a partner but they probably won’t know that.
Could you start joining a class or trying an activity to get some interest back.
Perhaps going back to some things you used to do before ?

Keep posting here for support - it’s helpful to find others in the same place and who can offer support and kindness.

Sending hugs and strength.

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I think we all put on a bit of a show for other people. My son thinks I am better than I am. Probably because when he is here I am not alone, I can eat when he is here, I sleep better if he stays over. But I don’t want to keep leaning on him. He has been very supportive, but he has his own life.
For the other people, the ones than rang or texted in the early days, I say that I am ok, there’s no point in saying otherwise, they wouldn’t understand how I feel and it would probably result in even less contact from them.
I guess we just have to soldier on, one hour at a time. I don’t think there are any shortcuts. Knowing that there are others that feel the same way is a comfort. Xx

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Thank you roni52

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Yes thank you it’s the same for me I don’t want to be a burden on my family as my daughter in laws dad passed away 6 months after my husband so just so much to cope with

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Hi @Widow1

We all seem to be the same, still struggling but letting people think we’re managing ok.
I’m lucky as I have a couple of good friends who are very supportive, and my daughter is helping as much as she can. My husband was her stepfather so the pain is different for her and she seems to be moving on now.
One of my stepsons is also very supportive .
So as I said I know I’m lucky. But that doesn’t take away the pain and loneliness does it? And how do you explain that to them. You don’t I guess, just try and hide it and get on with it. But its so so hard
I’m hoping one day to find peace, but it’s eluding me at the moment

Sending big hugs to you x

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even though your daughter and two sons have their own problems you should talk to them they are also probably grieving still yes its different when its your dad i know i have two sons and a daughter also and for us its been just seven weeks but if i feel sad which is every minute i tell them and they say your allowed to cry and i know they have a lot of worries in their lives too but it helps to tell somebody as i know they dont expect to much from me

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Hi Widow1, it may help you to meet other widows as they willvunderstand exactly how you feel. Look for Jollie Dollies online there could be some ladies in your area that will meet up with you and it helps to get you out too. X

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