Hello Everyone,
I lost my husband after 44 years on 23rd December 2023, twenty-seven &a half hours before Christmas day. His birthday is next week (21st) and I just can’t deal with it all. I just wanted to shut myself away for Christmas but my daughter says I can’t because they will worry about me all day. I really just don’t want to be here (I mean Id like to run away, certainly not end my life) I just cannot cope. The smallest things are giants in my head. I have lots of physical symptoms and that is horrible.
Im thinking of you all and sending hugs.
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Joyk - do what pleases you, what suits you best. If you prefer to be alone this holiday, then that is your answer. If you choose to participate in celebrations, then try that.
We all want to run away. None are looking forward to the holidays without our husbands and wives, but they will come and we will handle it all the best we can.
For me, 7 weeks in, I refuse to let death take my Christmas away. I’ve already lost enough. I shall put up a tree with lights, wreaths on the doors, decor here and there and wrap presents too. I will attend mass, pray, and celebrate the birth of Christ as best I can.
Of course, it makes me sick to think of it all, but we’ll get through this too.
Much love.
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Hello @joyk,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are not coping.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
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Thank you for your message I appreciate it.
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Yes I do not look forward to Christmas either. I go through the motions. Just get old decorations out and dutifully brighten place up.
Buy myself a diary and stuff I need even samey things up each year so stuff under tree. Get few treats. Write obligatory few cards. Get out old ones and string them up. Stick a garland on the door. If my son can be bothered play an old video of a Christmas long ago when dead people were here. Close my eyes think of the times I was away at Christmas in Brixham and how that was then. The cat can lick his lips wishing for the leftovers. A robin as well. Perhaps a snowman. What does merry mean? Well I had those parties long ago. Maybe type out those memories and make a little bit if history.
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N passed away on the evening of the 22nd December… I remember nothing of last Christmas.
I too am not looking forward to this Christmas… family want me to do the usual, work expect me to be at the Christmas party, friends have invited me out.
I’ve planned to do none of this but told people I might change my mind at the last minute if I feel up to it, and that’s how I’m going to manage it.
I hope you find your way through, don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t allow others to put pressure on you either.
Hugs x
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Thank you so much for your help. Thinking of you. X
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