Not doing well

My first post so I’ll try and keep it short otherwise it would go on for ages.
I lost my husband to cancer in 1997 after 18 years of marriage, and had to carry on working so had inter-action with other folk.
Was lucky enough to meet another chap who was divorced and we really hit it off and lived a really nice life together. We were engaged but never got round to getting married. He was a terrific cook and the kindest person ever and we were happy for over 20 years.
Just over 4 years ago he got the same cancer as my late husband, and he wanted to tie up loose ends so’s things would be easier for me so we got a special licence to be married in the hospital but he passed the day before it could happen.
I know it’s 4 years on but I am still bereft. I had to have surgery to replace both shoulder joints at different times and it wasn’t easy trying to live like a one-armed bandit but friends and neighbours were great.
Thing is, I don’t think he’d be proud of how I’m coping - I don’t eat properly as I’ve got very little appetite now whereas the gorgeous meals he cooked (and his thing was cooking) I would hoover up; I used to shower every day but now if I know I haven’t got to go out I have a ‘grubby day’; I hate being ‘needy’ but I feel awkward asking for help.
I’ve joined a couple of local groups but my confidence is so low now that I’ve given up because one was very ‘cliquey’ and the other was wasn’t for me.
The house really needs decorating (had one decorator in who did the most terrible job but was too intimidating for me to challenge), deep cleaning and de-cluttering.
I just feel overwhelmed. I’m going to be 70 before too long and worry about the future.
No kids - only me and my younger brother who is single and also my best friend.
Thanks - it’s been good to get that off my chest.


Sending a virtual hug x

Thank you!

Sending hugs

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This group has really helped me
And helped me to understand my emotions that I couldn’t understand before
Keep posting and Getting it off your chest
Sending hugs x

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Thank you - I just so wanted to try and express my loss , grief and loneliness which this site knows all about, I have had bereavement counselling but it didn’t help - maybe if even one of the councillors had lost their partner they would have understood a bit better than they did.

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I found that talking to the few people who had been through this was what I valued the most x

I do so feel for you. Thanks for sharing. I can relate to some of your feelings.
It is tough.
The thing I’m really responding to is your comment about you don’t feel he would be proud on how you are coping. I feel exactly the same about my partner and how she would feel. I console myself by saying but she isn’t here so not going through what Iam . Silly I know but it’s sometimes those things that help. I also get that not feeling the need to bother. It’s all consuming this thing we are all going through on here x

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