Not feeling understood 31/01/23

Losing a parent
1

Currently feeling misunderstood/not understood at all within my circle of friends and family at the moment.
Im 29, turn 30 in June. I luckily had 26 amazing years with my mum - 10 of which she had been ill up and down and her death as much as it wasnt necessarily unexpected as such… i lost my rock, unconditional love like nothing else and my best friend at 63 years old in January 2020.
I grew very close to my dad and grandad a few years before her death which i am grateful for. We unexpectedly, on my dads 68th in May 2021, received the most heartbreaking phonecall. It was surreal and i live that moment over and over more than any other. He was visiting his sister in England and was due back home (scotland) on his birthday. Sadly he never woke up.
Further to my Dad my uncle died in the August 2021. And from there it was my grandad… 94 years old. A great life lived but unexpected non the less due to a fall landing him hospital and in the end dying because of covid in September 2021.
To top this all off my dads sister(my auntie) died in Jan 2022 - again unexpected.

The last 3 years i have lived alone in my own home, i have 3 older brothers but other than my family… no one else in my circle i can relate to and can relate to me. Its 1 thing loosing 5 family members but to loose both parents and my last grandparent within the space of 2 years, becoming an adult orphan, loosing all significant unconditional love around me has never felt more lonely.
I have made rash and stupid mistakes/decisions/choices … drunk and sober. Friends arent as forgiving as the time has gone on, even though the more time has passed the worse the pain has too as the realisations of i havent seen them or heard their voice in YEARS. Not months anymore… actually years have gone by and its an absolute blur.

I feel so misunderstood, like people are expecting more from me now time has passed, people have high expectations of what i should and shouldnt be doing or how i should be behaving.
I cant find any local grief groups for young adult orphans to meet people who i can be my grieving, selfish, crying, angry, mad , blubbering, blunt, dark humoured self with day to day.

I am getting up each day. And i want to scream - is that not enough sometimes?!

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2

Hello AliceCatherine

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum, Dad, Uncle, Grandad and Auntie. Grief can feel very isolating, but we are here for you.

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Rhi

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