Dear Karen, I know sudden death is hard to come to terms with, my husband went away for a trip and I never saw him again. I never said goodbye, but my last words to him were I love you. Coping without him is so hard. I too miss him every day but I am trying to carry on best I can. I’ve been keeping myself very busy, but now I am tired and worried I’m slipping into a new phase of just wanting to stay in. I know isolation is not good for me…but I’m so tired. Sending good vibes xxx
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Awww what your feeling is completely normal, I cut a lot of people off for a while , I too wanted to shut myself away. Could be a bit of SAD syndrome too winter is a horrid time, everything looks better if the sun is out. Just a day at a time that’s all we can do, all our future plans changed the day we lost them . Xxxx such a cruel blow. Xx
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Yes I can agree with Sheila, perhaps I should also call myself a lucky one as I knew that my husband was ill for ten years but for most of that he was fit and well and we led a good life until the last year and then the last months when his health deteriorated. I should be grateful for those ten years I know but I went to sleep at night thinking about him and woke up in the morning worrying for me it seemed a slow torture but wanting that torture to go on forever and a day. The last months I watched my lovely, kind husband slowly sink into despair with his pain and frustration. The pain he endured was unbearable and no amount of medication eased it. I tried to do a deal with God and asked him to spare Brian so much pain and if he wanted him then to take him otherwise send him back to me and I would care for him forever but the deal was that he gave Brian some quality of life. God decided to take him but still took his time. It is a time I will never forget.
My father died suddenly at a young age and I couldn’t understand why it had happened. A fit man that didn’t drink or smoke, keen sportsman all his life but as time went on I drew comfort from the fact that his passing was quick and painless. He was sat next to my mother and she hadn’t a clue that he had died. He was watching ‘Match of the Day’ his favourite programme, he had been playing in a golf tournament that day and did well and was pleased with himself and later purchased some nice furniture (most of which I have in my house after forty years).
I constantly see comments such as “It was so sudden and traumatic” or “I never had time to say goodbye”
Death of a loved one I can assure you is always traumatic to those they leave behind no matter if sudden or long drawn out.
And as my husband was dying a slow painful and yes, undignified death I never once said goodbye. I prayed hard for a miracle instead. I talked to him about our holidays and all the ones we would do again when he got better (which of course was never going to happen) and I’ve no idea if he could hear me at this stage. I was aware that I was the cause of some of that pain as I nursed him single handed every movement was terrible for him. How he must have hated me those last weeks. So what I want to ask is, am I perhaps a bit strange as I never wanted to say that word goodbye, when some of you would have loved that chance and although I was given that time with my husband was those last weeks really necessary and am I wrong when I say I would rather my husband had passed the way my father did. No pain, no fear.
xxxx
Your love for Peter shines out Sheila. But my God it’s hard work isn’t it. I never begrudged a moment but it drains every ounce of strength out of you and then you have to dig even further. I did like you when Brian was in hospital. I looked after him and even took cleaning things in with me and was on my hands and knee’s cleaning the floor and furniture when I found out they wasn’t getting a thorough cleaning every day. I don’t think I was well liked by the one sister who tried to stop me from even seeing the consultant to find out what was happening with my husband. I had to push my way onto the ward. There was a chance that I might lose Brian so I wasn’t going to let this woman stop me.
At his end Brian stayed at home, I wouldn’t even let him go to the hospice, he didn’t want to go. This was how we wanted it. Tell me Sheila did you ever say that word Goodbye to Peter. I could never have done it because I lived in hope, however I so often read that people on this forum feel cheated because they don’t have the chance to say it. Every close member of my family have died suddenly, I have never been with any of them.
Love to you
Pat
Pat and Sheila, I am in tears after reading all that you did for your husband’s 
What amazing women you both are, I don’t know how you got through every day knowing what was to come. My husband went suddenly and unexpectedly which was a total shock and very traumatic and I have thought would it have been better if we had been able to get used to the idea and to say goodbye when the time came but seeing you both saying you didn’t say goodbye as you didn’t want them to know they were near the end is so self sacrificing on your part. I think I would have struggled to do what you two did on a daily basis without complaint or protest. You have my uppermost respect and awe. How lucky your Husband’s were to have such incredible, brave and courageous wives.
V xx
Everyone’s loss is dreadful but I think sudden and unexpected loss is the worst of all.
I don’t think the shock and disbelief will ever leave me. Sadme
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I know I thought my husbands sudden death at the age of 55 would finish me too, the shock, pain, no goodbye if it wasn’t for my children, grandchildren I don’t no what I’d have done:cry:
I’m slowly coming to terms with what happened . Xxxx
Oh Karen,
How I feel for you. Cherish your children and grandchildren they’ll give you a reason to live .
I have neither and struggle daily. Sadme.
Were not special there must be thousands of people nursing their loved ones through terrible times. I had no idea if I was made of the stuff to do it but I found the strength for the love of my husband. He kept calling me his Angel but I’m no angel.
I wouldn’t let him go to the hospice as that’s the last place they go. He stayed in his home with me by his side. I set up the phone and put it by him so that he only had to push one button and he connected with me. When I took the dogs out I went to a recreation ground and it took me two minutes to run back home. He would wake calling out for me as in the end he couldn’t do anything for himself. He would begin to panic and I would hold him until he quietened,
I’m afraid I would say to some, try living through this nightmare. Trying to do your best but feeling inadequate, watching the pain and frustration in his eyes. Watching him fight for his life. I relive it every day. It’s a form of torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Like you Sheila I never once said goodbye, we talked about when he got better, where we would go, holidays we would have. I told him I would take him out in the car, but he couldn’t move. Each day I told him how much better he looked. He didn’t. No goodbyes for us. All my near family have passed away suddenly, I have only had that phone call you dread, I’m afraid for me the trauma of watching Brian through his fight was far worse. Perhaps that is just my selfish opinion.
Pat xxx
Awww I’m so sorry. Xx Have you a pet? A dog is such good company for cuddles, I have 2 small dogs as I live alone. Xxx sending love
i know the feeling. Sometimes, it is difficult to put into words how truly awful grief is.
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Daisy-janet
Feel the same. Seeing dr this morn but feel nothing can truly help. X
YOU LADIES.!!! What lucky guys your husbands were. The love comes through every post and I am tearful reading it all. There is nothing like a woman’s love. Nothing more to say. (And that has to be a first for me!!!).
Take care all of you. Blessings and, as you are all ladies, hugs. XX
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All medication can do is take the edge off the pain, maybe sleep better too! I’ve had it All. Losing my husband 10 months ago to sudden death at age 55 was the worst day of my life . 33 years together I’m totally Lost without him. No amount of counselling helped me , I just get up each day , find ways of keeping busy or just go walking alone. I’m coming to terms with the fact that he’s not coming back now, he’s always in my thoughts and heart and Yes some days are just too hard but we’ll find our own way in the end. With them along side Us. 
Keep strong xxxxxx
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Thank you Jonathan such a lovely message to cheer all of us ladies up on such a horrible day. xxx Carol xxx