Not going out

Hi All.

New here. Your posts are helping so pleased to have joined this community.

The depression is back ( have suffered with my mental health for many years now ) and the accumulative grief ( several losses including my dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, divorce and estrangement from my daughter too ) is hitting big time!
I live alone and don’t have family now locally. Those I do have are’nt in touch much and don’t ring. We email / write mostly. I havent seen some for decades and others on my dads side for 14 years.

I’m not working, trying to change my career, waiting on starting with an agency, which is taking too long ( 3 months from initial enquiry ) and so now wondering what to do. Im at clearance stage, have just added my DBS to the update system so thats good but am now isolating myself big time as nothing is happening!
I’m completely on my own now and only 51. I was in a relationship for 5 years but on and off and finally called it a day in July, so think it’s that too hitting me. He was my only regular visitor. Now I have none :pensive:
I live on a road full of families, house mates, couples, older couples, and friends living together. Parents / grandparents / friends / siblings / grandkids / nieces and nephews etc all visit. And I sit on my own and watch.

I’ve turned into a loner with nobody :pensive:

I’ve lost everybody through divorce ( 21 year relationship including 13 years married ) or bereavements and it’s broken me what’s happened with my daughter. I’ve missed the last 7 years of her life! I can’t plan for the future as don’t know if she will be in my life or not!

I’ve had to ask my ex bf if he can sort my funeral ( on my mind having buried both parents and attended so many other funerals ) Hopefully it’s a long time off yet lol but I don’t know who else to ask!!

Going to have to get out, push myself, volunteer or something!!!


Can so relate to the loneliness and the feeling that everyone else has someone. Sending you hugs of support. :heart:


Absolutely! Once you start, you never know who or what will walk into your life!

What are you interested in? People?Animals? Nature? Music?.
The world can be your oyster!


Hi tykey,


I am a quiet person really but can talk alot lol if I’m in the right company, and I’m warm and friendly.

I love history ( and we do have alot on my doorstep ) nature, reading, arts and crafts, gardening, dolls houses ( doing 2 up atm ) and music but I don’t like festivals or concerts packed full of ppl.

My ex bf rang today. We are still very close. We had such a lovely relationship but it’s his situation / circumstances that don’t give me what I want really rather than him. However, every time we have parted, I’ve ended up back with him as too depressed / lonely / on my own and he’s still " There ".

Its amazing how one interest opens new horizons. Ive always been interested in bees, watching them feeding on the garden flowers.
I decided to study and photograph them in my garden, then identify them and create a blog on the internet as I find a new one. Did you know there are 270 different species of bee in the UK? That’ll keep me busy!
BUT, I needed a suitable camera, so finding one was another project! Yesterday, I set up a bird table, and so I decided my blog was to include all wildlife in my garden, including insects, frogs etc
Ive also joined a camera club, and am making new friends.
All Im short of are the bees, who have hibernated, so Ill be concentrating on the birds until spring.

Ill not even start talking about the ukuleles,guitars, banjos, slide guitars and mandolin I love strumming with various bands (we are all learners!)

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Hi Tykey,

Thanks. I’ve got loads of photos of my garden / bees collecting nectar on my flowers, walks etc on my own.
I do like photography. I did a course many years ago at college and we developed them in a dark room, and my godmother bought me a book. I’ve got a few cameras of my late dads but they’re not the best quality. He must’ve got rid of his better ones years ago. I just use my phone camera. I’m actually in an online photography group and they were messaging about meeting but I suppose as I don’t have a " proper " camera, I don’t feel in the same league. I do however like taking photos and take many of buildings, scenery, countryside, my garden, landscapes, my cat and so on.

I don’t go out / mix with ppl enough. I know that. Suppose I get into a vicious circle and once isolation sets in, it’s harder to get out and do it! All of my hobbies are ones I do alone.

I was going to a mental health support group for 1 full day a week and it was such a georgous setting with really supportive ppl some of who I’ve known for several years. A wide variety of crafts to learn, horticulture, woodwork, cooking, animals, and community projects. I foolishly left and wished I hadn’t really but there are other things in my area I’m looking at getting involved in / volunteering. My time would’ve been up next month as youre only allowed 3 courses, and I did consider volunteering for them but really would like more local to me and a different environment. Something that brings a whole range of activities and possibilities!

I will get there :blush:

Hi @Phoenix36 . Ive every confidence you will get there.
Far and away, the things which has helped me get out there are my two dogs, Rosie and Crumpet. They break down barriers, get me out walking the countryside, start conversations, and cheer me up endlessly.
Of course you have to like :dog2:

Hi tykey,

Ah, a few ppl have said about getting a dog. I had one for 14 years with my ex husband. We kindly put him to sleep not long before we separated as he wasn’t well. I looked into getting another when I was renting my house that I’ve now bought. So things are a little different now and it would be more my choice. I had a lady from the RSPCA come out and access my house and garden, but I decided against it for a few reasons.
I do miss the walks and ppl but alot has changed for me. I think a dog is more of a tie, I don’t have anyone to look after a dog when on hols and hated putting our dog in kennels the one time we did. We used to have a few family members - now it’s just me. My ex bf or his dad have come to feed my cat but a dog would be alot more work. I just know it’s a lot more responsibility from experience lol! However I love both cats and dogs. My newish next door neighbours have a dog ( think ones been put to sleep as had cancer ) and I haven’t seen them out walking it for a while. He’s had a fractured knee so I did think about mentioning whether they’d like me to . It’s exactly that atm though - " Needing " a reason to go out!! This will be the 13th day I’ve not been out! Terrible - I get stuck in a " comfy " rut of staying in, sleeping until lunchtime and staying up till 2.30am!!
I’m going to get dressed soon and get out in the garden, and tidy up the rest of the stuff and put away for winter, chop my lavender and just get some fresh air!
Then have a bath later as feel a mess and get out tomorrow for a walk and bit of shopping.
I cancelled an appt with a new haidresser 2 weeks ago as wasn’t upto it. I haven’t had my hair done for prob a year! I’ve messaged her but she’s not replied yet.
I need a bit pampering as feeling very low.

Thanks Again.

Hi Again All

When I’ve now been in for a full 3 weeks. Cannot believe it really. Hardly been out since beginning of Nov…terrible.

I’m waiting to hear from an agency about a start date. I’m ringing her tomorrow. It’s going on sooo long, it’s now doing me no good! Im getting depressed, low and need something new to aim for…
It’s also causing anxiety not knowing when I’m starting, where and if it will be this side of xmas or not! I’m returning to an environment I haven’t worked in for years so that’s hard enough.
At the mo, I’m not working, not volunteering, not going out, not seeing anybody, and on my own for Christmas. No wonder I’m feeling low!
I enquired about helping out on xmas day with a church who provide dinners for the homeless - made my mind up, Id do it this year, and it’s not on this year. Sods law!
I’m finding out more about how the agency hours work tomorrow - I need this to work! I’ve already had a lot of job changes and need some constant in my life again. I’m not feeling very confident atm as it is…