My husband passed away suddenly on the 4th Jan at only 42 years old. I found him in a pool of blood (not long after it must have happened) and the paramedics suggested it was a brain hemorrhage and it would have been so quick he wouldn’t have known a thing. Fast forward to the post mortem results and it wasn’t that, nore a heart attack or stroke. It’s going to take weeks to get answers and I’m really struggling to accept his death without knowing why. Everyone is asking what happened.
Anyone else been in this position? How did it effect the grieving process? I’m not sure I’ve acknowledged this properly yet and scared that I’ll surpress my emotions. We have a 6 year old boy and I’m trying to be strong for him which is making all this not knowing a whole lot harder.
@Estar000 i lost mine 4th of December, found him gone in his sleep same age as me 42, coroners report came back as he had a heart condition he knew nothing about!! I must admit I was in massive state wondering how and why beforehand and when I finally found
Out, it hasn’t made me feel any better but least I know why now and Coroner said I couldn’t of done anything, I have massive guilt for not being there, thinking maybe i could of heard him? Done something but I’ve read a lot on here about similar stuff situations and everyone is the same, guilt and feeling why and how! Its been 8’weeks for mine today and I’ve cried
Most of the day! Can’t believe it’s been that long when to
Me it feels like yesterday since I lost him,
The hospital saId there was going to be a post mortem when my husband died which I wanted.
The doctors wanted it too.
Then coroner refused. Said it was diabetes and heart attack. We would have had to pay for it ourselves if we wanted.
But when my father died of cancer the same hospital said we could have had a post mortem to know where it started as it wasnt diagnosed until a week before he died when he had surgery to see what was wrong with him. It had spread all over. He had suffered all the time gp had misdiagnosed him.
I wanted one but there was a family argument with my brother’s wishes. It didnt seem fair to change goal posts. I wish I had known for sure where his cancer had begun.
A biopsy of the tissue, in most cases, can determine the source of the cancer as cancer retains genetic info of the source and determines treatment
As in my partner’s case the cancer had spread to her liver and surrounding tissues, but the biopsy revealed it was colorectal cancer, so the chemo and immunotherapy treatments remain that for colorectal cancer, not liver cancer
Sometimes they are unable to find the source of the cancer from the biopsy, this is the called CUP (cancer of unknown source)
They should have been able to identify source of cancer with a postmortem tissue biopsy and not a full autopsy
They probably would have wanted you to pay for the postmortem biopsy though, aswell, as coroner would deem it medically unnecessary if they know cause of death
@Ang5 I’m so sorry for your loss. The shock and the fact they were both so young. My husband appeared fit as a fiddle. He even woke me up the morning it happened, telling me it was a nice morning for a walk! I should have got up.
The coroner’s are suggesting there was some underlaying health condition that we wouldn’t have known about. He had a full health MOT only 10 months prior though.
I feel immense guilt. He was only in the bathroom next door. I heard a groan but thought it was the dog stretching. From the time he got up to when I found him was only 30 mins. All the what ifs and could haves is painful.
I’m also struggling with what I saw when I found him. Had to leave him briefly to ensure my boy didn’t see it as it would have traumatized him. Would that have made any difference?
I’m so sorry you didn’t get the answers you wanted on both accounts. It’s not fair that the decision was taken away from you. I think because of the GP error one should have been conducted regardless to prevent such serious issues happening again. I’m bet your fuming x
My partner was as fit as a fiddle too, 6ft 3 prison officer, never smoked, rarely drank, and they found he had left ventricular hypertrophy, mainly caused by smoking! Which he never had! He was in a cell fire a few year back however so I wonder had that played a part sorry for your loss and what you witnessed, it’s absolutely horrific and well done for not letting you little boy see, mine just looked asleep but I still find it horrifying knowing he just went to sleep and never woke up, hopefully it won’t take long for answers, took 6 weeks for mine I think that’s quick when they say it can take upto 3 month,
@Ang5 life works in mysterious ways huh. I don’t even want to try and work it out! Let’s say he went to sleep dreaming of you and had a smile on his face
They’ve said 6 weeks for results but the coroner also said to prepare for the answer to be inconclusive. I don’t think I could take that for an answer.
My micks first one came back inconclusive, they say that cos there’s more than one option I think and they’ve got to work out which one, mine had taken morphine for his slipped disc and also gabapentin, both prescribed for different things, toxicology showed both of them however they obviously knew about his heart after the first one so that’s why they had to do another to establish was it his heart or was it his medication, to be honest I was absolutely terrified they’d say was his medication cos we’ve all been guilty of taking more than we should and I was terrified Incase they said suicide? It had never entered my mind for that cos he was so happy and would never ever leave his son, or me, so I’m so glad they didn’t say that, so it’s gone down as natural causes rather than unnatural and stops people speculating that he had too much medication the levels were classed as “therapeutic” so that eased my mind, I’m not sure what could make them say inconclusive other than there’s more than one cause, it’s absolutely horrific waiting for the phone call, i Wouldn’t answer the phone to any friends Incase they rang me and I missed it fingers crossed you get an answer soon, the coroner said it brings closure for a lot of
People, it hasn’t to me I must say, I’m still guilty for not noticing any signs of his heart problem, I feel horrendous everyday thinking what if!! Still early days though so haven’t accepted any of it yet, just seems a very cruel world
