Having a bad day - nearly 2 years on. Just feel lonely and sorry for myself, although I see plenty of people. The trouble is no one makes me feel happy like my husband did and I know that it was only to him that I was number one. He was always the one that I wanted to be with. I cannot feel interest in other people not even the grand children.
I’m fed up with putting on a face. Fed up of just existing in my own boring bubble. How do you learn to live on your own and be happy again?..…this existence is so hard 
Knew it would be hard if anything ever happened to my husband but didn’t realise how hard it was.
Grateful for any advice.
Gill.
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Gill
It’s difficult. My wife passed 16 weeks ago tomorrow and I’m going through a rollercoaster of grief. I try to keep busy preparing for a move back to 
Been viewing properties today, but it started quite sad for me as I spent 30 minutes with my Jackie, who’s ashes are interred in the church where we got married back in 67.
I don’t put on a ‘face’ anymore. I did at first, but now I just tell people how it is, which is usually heartbroken.
I’m moving back because I want to spend what remains of my life, playing music with people that I first started playing with in the early 60s.
My Jackie would want me to continue with a life, just as your husband would want you to. I will always love her, no matter what happens from now until it’s my turn.
You take care. 
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Hello Gill, I am sorry that you feel so lonely. My Darling wife left me in April 2024. I still miss her and will always love her. I am lucky with 2 adult supportive children, I am starting to manage better with the help of the village bereavement cafe, this site and my children. With me it was not just seeing people but starting to get some social interaction. I was fortunate enough to accidently join my wife’s book club that meets once a month, I am the only man, two of the ladies have been through this so understand and have said drop in for a coffee if you are passing and have the time. I meet up with an old female friend of Elizabeth’s almost one a week and can help her with technology and a bit of light DIY. I also meet up with some friends once a week at the social club. I have been out with one of those friends and his wife a couple of times. It is the social interaction that had helped, Of course I still get lonely and the house is empty, although I have BBC radio 4 on all the time. Life will never be as good but it is starting to get livable. Sending you a big hug like from your brother.
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Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.
I’m sure you’ll be happy back in Wales. I live in Cardiff myself but am originally from the Rhymney Valley. Not very musical myself though considering it’s supposed to be in the blood. My husband loved music but said that I was tone deaf 
You take care as well.
Gill.
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Thanks Rob05.
Really appreciate the brotherly hug. It has made me smile. 
I feeling better already and that’s due to the replies from yourself and Johnr. I suddenly don’t feel so alone and know that there are others in the same boat.
Thanks again - going to have a glass of wine now (just the one)
Sisterly hug back to you 
Gill.
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Trewy, You are not alone with comments about tone. Many years ago I was at a Carol service with my children, I was happily singing away when my daughter who was about 4 or 5 at the time tugged my sleave, I bent down to see what she wanted and she said “Sing quietly daddy” From the mouths of babes. . . .
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Glad it’s not just me xx
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Sing quietly daddy that made me smile . How wonderful 
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Hi Gill!
OH wow! that could have been me writing that. That just mirrors how I feel now in a lot of ways. I am just 2 years in also from losing my husband to cancer in June 2023. Some days are good and others are just awful and then I have what are called my F**k It!! weeks where I don’t want to see anyone or do anything and just hide away. Yes you just lose interest in everything don’t you? even stuff you used to love doing. I love your description of a boring bubble I too feel like that A LOT! but at the same time sometimes you don’t want to be around anyone and just be by yourself so its like a catch 22 situation. And it is hard because as you say the person you want to be with is not here. I have been trying my best to move forward but some days there is just no incentive there. I will make a decision to do something on a certain day but it sometimes never materialises. I have gone back to the gym but some days/weeks that slides as well that is something Jay (my late husband) and I used to do together I also look after my little granddaughter now and again and I have a new grandchild arriving in November. I just feel like I’m her to be mum and gran now and nothing else and just don’t know where to put myself at times or where I belong. Just know you are not alone with how you feel and you always have here to come to. Best Wishes
Vicky x
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I never realized how hard it would be either. Some days I’m more capable of the challenge, some not so much. It’s a slow process. I look back, from where I’m at now and do see some progress, but going through it feels like walking w/ heavy boots on.
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