I feel exhausted trying to pretend everything is ok and carrying on like nothing has happened because I feel thats what im expected to do. I take time out to cry because I don’t feel I can with others around. I would like to find ways of coping with it better but I don’t know how.
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Hi Icare, I don’t know whether this will help you or not. I think the way we look at what has happened plays a large part in how we deal with the bereavement. In my case my lovely wife died on Christmas day, she was everything for me as now without her I’m on my own with no friends and I have the odd phone call a couple of times a week from family. My life is ruined in seven years I would have retired and travelled with my wife enjoying our hard work. Now if I look only at the negatives it would be bleak but I prefer to look only at the positives. What positives you may ask. Well I was married for almost 40 years to the sweetest most lovely woman. I was blessed to have been loved completely by her. I’m crying now remembering how fortunate I’ve been. Not everyone can say the same so I should be grateful.
I imagine you are so devastated about your grandparents for the same reason. They were special for you. They gave you the love you miss so much. What I would say is celebrate them, take their love for you forward in your life make them proud of you. I think we have duty to give back some of the love we have so very fortunately received.
Wishing you all the best
Tom 
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Sending you my condolences Brendan1. Thank you for your message. I do miss them dearly and grateful for the time I had with them. I guess I just have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to speak to them again and I cant and losing them a day apart. Thats been the toughest part. I often go out for a walk with my son if my partner isn’t around which I find helps. I hope im making them proud, im trying to carry on working as hard as it is i know they would have wanted me to. I know it made them smile when we went to see them and I hope that stayed with them until the day they passed away.
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Hi Icare, when my wife died I took the pain that was unbearable out on my body lifting weights and walking until I dropped. I did think if it killed me I wouldn’t care but the exercise helped me sleep and being out in nature walking was also cathartic. I would also take my time while I was walking to look for something beautiful each day to share with my wife. It is also positive to see the beauty that is all around us.
Going for walks with your family and sharing the love you have been given is the best way to honour your grandparents. Loving your family is the only thing that is important in life. Small moments of love can touch people lives.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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That is a lovely way of looking it and im glad you have found it helped you as well.
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