Not sure Im over it...

Lost my grandad a month ago. My family lives abroad so I wasn’t able to be at the funeral (covid…) or at any of the religious events afterwards. I’ve not had a proper relationship with him for almost a decade - he was very cruel to me when I chose to marry outside our faith (he’s religious, I’m not). We found a way to engage cordially with each other in the last few years whenever I visited my family, but he’s not been a part of my life really. But somehow I’m just so, so sad and I don’t get it. Everyone in my family seems fine - he was 90 and sick and really he was a difficult man and not your average sweet old grandpa. I’m generally fine and functioning but every once in a while I think of it, my heart sinks and I need to cry it out for a bit. I don’t get why I seem to be so sad about someone who’s not been very good to me.

Hi. DPG. Welcome. This is a very difficult emotion for you to understand. There could be many reasons for this happening.
Death and a loss of any sort can make us feel sad, and he was your granddad and part of the family. Also, you may have a sensitive nature. This world is not good for sensitive people. You fell out over religion and you may be feeling some guilt or remorse for not trying to resolve the issue sooner. It has little to do with him not being good to you. It’s you and your emotions that are causing problems. It will pass, but in the meantime try and accept it has happened and keep whatever good memories there were. If you read some of the posts on here about guilt you will find many have suffered in this way. Take care. John.