Hello everyone.
My darling Dad died, aged 85, on June 1st this year after an 18 month battle with cancer.
It was so hard watching him go through this and seeing how it affected him, my mother and the whole family.
The stress was overwhelming at times. I live 70 miles from them but have
siblings who live very close to my parents. Every day there were phone calls to sort things out and support them both. There were times when I just wanted a day to not think about it or do anything about it. These thoughts made me feel so guilty.
Iāve always been the āresponsibleā one. The one people call on to āsortā things out or lean on when they need help. This became almost unbearable when Dad was ill. I stopped taking care of myself mentally and physically and have put on weight and just generally feel flat.
I realise this is all probably normal but am also sometimes surprised that I donāt feel as devastated as I thought I would. My Dad was my hero. He was kind, loving and funny and to be honest I think Iām avoiding really grieving.
There is also a sense of relief because towards the end it was so hard to see him go from a jolly, fit and robust man to someone so frail and thin.
I also felt relief for me too. That also fills me with guilt.
I went straight into āget things doneā mode and taking care of my lovely mum. Now, nearly 4 months on I feel as though Iām waiting for things to hit me.
Iām so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 6 months ago today and still dont really feel like itās true. She was 84s so a great age but I still really relied on her always being there, and now sheās not. It will get easier to gear but I donāt think thereās a real timescale for things. Sending you love x
Iām sorry youāre going through the same. Iām not sure weāre ever really prepared for the loss of a parent. Even though we know that they canāt live forever, it still comes as a massive shock when they leave us.
I hope you have many wonderful memories and they comfort you.
Iām struggling to let the memories in at the moment because Iām worried Iāll fall apart. It helps to know so many people understand this feeling. Thank you for your message 
Lots of people on here are struggling so much. I hope you can find some useful support on here and from Sue Ryder. There are some lovely people on here x
Iām sorry for your loss
I totally understand the way u r feeling as I feel the same.
I recently lost my mum to cancer 5weeks ago and managed all her appointments and looked after towards the end.
I feel like I canāt grieve and feel
Numb too. I have sorted mums funeral and other bits out as NOK. Maybe that is a distraction I donāt know I feel guilty as feel like this.
We did everything together and so close
Sorry for your loss and the way you are feeling. I relate to some of what you describe. My Dad passed away 10 months ago and I, like you and a lot of people, dove into ādoing things.ā Sometimes I think this is fine and the way it should be but I do have concerns that perhaps I am not dealing with it properly or my grief response is delayed. I havenāt cried very much at all. My main emotion has been anger, actually not at my Dad or his passing but the way he and I were treated by the majority of our family members. I havenāt been able to bear maintaining a relationship with such horrid people, havenāt spoken to them since the memorial, which just adds to the feeling of isolation. But I remind myself sometimes the loneliest place is with the wrong people and why on earth would I want to maintain relationship with people who didnāt care about Dad and wouldnāt understand anyway. I donāt know where I am in the grief process. I only know thereās no timeline and it comes in waves. I hope youāre coping as well as you can. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day. I will think of you. I sense the ache you feel as I reckon its the same as my own
Iām sorry for your loss. Your message really hits home for me .
My mum was my best friend and I feel so alone. My dad passed away 14yrs ago with cancer also. I have three brothers but we donāt really speakā¦ long story but two of them havenāt been in contact with myself or my mum for several yrs and seeing them at the funeral was very overwhelming. She was their mother two but the way they separated from my mum and myself for no reason annoys me. My other brother lived with my mum and sponged off her didnāt work or supported her in any way emotional or financially. He is very toxic and a bully and now mum has passed Iām so done with them all. I did everything for my mum and we did everything together she was amazing with my children and me.
I would do it all again support her look after her at home to th way she wanted till the very end.
I look at everyone around me now ā¦ both parents have gone and Iāve decided to completely cut my brothers out as even though they are my brothers that doesnāt give them to right to treat me like dirt and I wonāt forgive them how they treated my mum.
I have amazing adult children and a granddaughter they are my life. My husband. Iām struggling with as a couple of days after mum passed he decided to go away with his friends on an abroad holiday that he chose to go on as last minute. Iām so hurt and other things he has shown me are questioning everything with him
I donāt know maybe losing my mum has opened my eyes to the world in a different light.
I feel your pain and that ache. Iām like u trying to keep busy but itās a coping mechanism and it will come to a head all these feelings and grief
Please also be kind to yourself and sounds like u were an amazing son to your dad