My mum passed away 19 months ago.
Its still so hard without her. Nothing feels the same anymore.
The last five years mum needed me more, and now shes gone i feel like i have no real purpose. Everything in life feels so flat .
I still cry a lot , but the worse part is how i feel all the time.
From the moment i wake up i feel so empty, and every day is so hard.
Am so tired of feeling lkie this.
I have a job but its just to pay bills, looking after mum and taking her out made me happy and gave me a purpose.
Now i feel like i am just existing.
It just feels like one long black hole.
I know i am not alone but how much longer does this last.
Am so tired of feeling like this all the time.
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Hi Jasmine195
I am so sorry you’re going through such pain. Because you supported your Mum for so long you will feel like you have no purpose in life since you sadly lost her. But grief is a cruel beast, it does unfortunately keep eating away at you for a long time until you are healed and find peace in your heart. Of course you are crying and feeling empty and flat because of the shock and pain of your loss. Whatever you are feeling is normal and natural and you are feeling these things in response to losing your dear Mum. I hope you have someone to support you through all this pain but everyone on this site understands a little how you are feeling and you are not alone. One day you will wake up and all you will have is happy memories of your Mum and your love for each other. But for now I’m sending love, support and sympathy for your loss. I lost my Mum in December 2022 and like you, I feel so alone. I have no partner or children to gather round with their love. I have to grieve on my own but helped and comforted by others on this website. Thinking of you and sending love. x
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Am so sorry for your loss too, and also that you are going through this alone.
I am married but my husband struggles to really understand what i am going through.
He didn’t grow up in a very loving environment, so does not have that same bond with his parents.
Thank you for your kind words, am always hear if you want to chat.
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Hi @Jasmine195 my mum died just over a year ago, and I cared for her in the last 5 years of her life. I totally get the feeling of having no purpose now, it’s a common feeling amongst former carers I believe. There is a lot of support and advice online if you search for ‘life after caring’, and this forum is a good place for those who are grieving to connect. Nothing will replace the time we spent caring for our mums, we can only go on as best we can I guess. Take care, Mike.
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I am so sorry for your loss, it resonates with me.
I always lived with my Mum and had to do more caring for her the last 5 or 6 six years. She passed unexpectedly and suddenly 11 month ago (I am very aware of that year date looming), she was only 70
Life does feel as if colour has drained out of it, as you say life feels flat.
And the tiredness - emotional and physical. No-one talks about how physically draining grief is.
It was just Mum and me. I have a step grandfather and a couple of mums cousins check in on me but they live 2 hours away. So I also know what you mean about the loneliness. I often think ‘well if I had a partner/kids etc’ I wouldn’t feel it as much but as you meet people here you learn all the people in the world cannot take away or make up for the longing and missing of the person you have lost. They were unique, a unique jigsaw piece in your life and sometimes a very big piece.
I have found friends some old and some new, some found through this forum, have been a saving grace for me. I try to remember the colour Mum brought into myself and honour it by sowing it throughout life where I can. She used to say her favourite thing was to hear me laugh, so now I don’t fear laughter as I did in the first few months, I hope it reaches her where she is now.
Practically, have you seen your doctor? Trying to get decent sleep and rest can be a battle, and also eating properly and exercise (that last one totally by passes me!). The adage of one day at a time and some times one moment at a time is very true. Not judging yourself from the standards and norms you set yourself before, and allowing yourself to recognise the small wins each day. Some days getting up is the win.
Take care, Beki xx
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Thanks mike, sorry that you’ve lost your mum too. Will look up, Life after caring, as definitely need some help, as after 19 months, and still weepy most days, its exhausting.
Most days think about the last few days we had together, always thinking, should have stayed with her longer, should have hugged her longer, so many things i wish i,d said.
Just torturing myself i know., but can’t help it .
Take care x
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Thanks beki, yes our mums are like a unique piece of a jigsaw puzzle, and without them we always feel like part of us is missing. I went to the doctors and he put me on antidepressants but they didn’t really help, plus didn’t want to become dependent on them.
I just keep thinking it has to get better, and hoping that it will x
Hi Jasmine195
I am the same as you I miss my mum so much It has been 3 mths since my mum passed.
I gave up my job ten yrs ago to spend more time with my mum and we spent days every week going off to different places shopping out for meals to the cinema exploring the countryside going for girlie weekends to spas and numerous holidays The last holiday was just a few weeks before she passed.As you say after caring for someone for so long what do we do with ourselves.It is all I have known for years. I feel so lost without her.We were more than mum and daughter She was my best friend . I think this is the start of a new life for us now.Goodness knows how I will begin to pick up the pieces.
Just thought I would get in touch to reach out to you
Deborah x
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Helllo Seychelles, am really sorry that you have lost your mum.
Yes this is like the start of a new life ,a life without our mums, a journey that none of us really want to take or are ever prepared for.
Never thought i could ever feel this low.
I was signed off work for 3 months after mum first passed away, as had a complete melt down, now i go to work and just put on a brave face.
Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, but after 19 months am not so sure.
Thank you for reaching out to me x
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Hi Jasmine195
Lovely to hear from you . What planet are some people living on . i dont think it will ever get better. No chance. Not in a million years.
Like you I think I have reached the lowest point for sure I doubt anything in my life will get as bad as this. I hope not anyway.
Thats just it. Putting a brave face on in so many different situations is what i think teh future will always be like
Aww I am sending a big hug to you
Deborah x
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Hi there Sorrowtoodeep, I too am grieving alone for my mum, no children and just a narcissistic sister who has turned her children against me. She has done and said some dreadful, awful things since my mum passed. I am struggling to get through it all alone. Sending you a big hug x
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