Me my brother & my mum lost my dad on December 17th 2023. So almost 3 months ago. Im finding mothers day extremely hard even though im utterly greatful and thankful to have my mum! My grandma lost her son (my dad) who was actually born on mothers day, and its my dads first heavenly birthday on the 12th…first one without him on earth. Im finding mothers day feels like its highlighting i only have my mum… when i feel utterly greatful i still do as so many dont. I dont understand why im feeling like this. I have a much longed for child myself whos 2.5 years and i feel like all i can feel is pure grief for missing my dad today not any ability to be happy for who i do still have and how lucky i am to be a mum myself and have my mum still here. I feel like a horrible person. Is there anyone else out here today whos lost their dad but struggling with mothers day? Thank you for youre time. My first time posting
Hello @Fairydust0 I think it’s a day for reflection so it’s only natural to feel your grief is sharper. That’s the problem with grief, there’s often no rhyme or reason for the triggers. Sometimes it can be something that doesn’t really have an obvious connection, yet you feel the pain and loss. I think it’s just important to accept and acknowledge what you feel. Best wishes to you xxx
Lovely words Rosiepink x
Thank you for youre kind reply. I feel so many contradictory emotions. Its difficult not understanding or wanting to feel everything. I feel bad that my sadness & heartbroken numbness / anger / grief has already stopped me enjoying any of Mother’s day or being the daughter / granddaughter i should be for everyone today.
Hi Fairydust0
Like Rosiepink said it’s a day of reflection.
There’s no right way or wrong way to deal with these sorts of days.Emotions are all over the place and special days like this are even harder to deal with.
The way you are feeling is normal. Just go with the glow today and get through it the best you can. The day will pass and your anxiety over today and feeling like you do will eventually pass like everything else does.
You are not a horrible person at all. Keep telling yourself it’s normal to feel like you do.
This horrible grief journey makes us think all sorts of things.
It’s tough going I know
Deborah x
Thank you for youre reply its brought me to tears. Thank you so much
No need to thank me lovely. I am in the same horrible boat as you. Dry those tears and use the day to remember some fun memories and I am sure you have plenty. You have to turn a negative into a positive every time you feel like this ok. Have a few funny hilarious memories to hand that you can recall quickly so it snaps you out of the way you are feeling. It honestly works. Like a quick snappy fix for a few seconds so your mood changes just for a few seconds then distract yourself by doing something straight away even walking a few steps or looking at something . Do anything to get you out of that down moment
Hope this helps. I know it’s easier said than done Bern there and had the t shirt thousands of times but it’s just another idea you can try.
And keep posting because other people will respond and their ideas will help too
Big hugs
Deborah x
Thank you for posting because I too found Mother’s Day hard even though it is my Dad who recently died, I still have my Mum and I am a Mum. But just like you, I found the day still brought up feelings, including feeling so heartbroken for my Mum, wanting her to feel celebrated and loved but knowing her heart is in a thousand pieces and not being able to fix it. I think everyone is spot on when they say the day makes you reflective. Celebrating anything feels impossible at the moment. But I did take a moment to be grateful for my children on the day and the lovely homemade items they gave me. I’m trying to see any moment of being able to feel a positive emotion alongside the grief as a small comfort that one day the positive emotions might be able to take up a little more space as my life grows around the grief for my Dad x
@magenta that’s exactly right… we all keep going in the hope those positive feelings will gradually last longer. Allowing things to move for us, rather than getting stuck in endless misery. It helps to see it as a work in progress, sometimes it feels so bleak and difficult but you know that these times will change. Best wishes xx