Not wanted to message

Hi everyone, sorry, I’ve not wanted to message before, have read all the posts. I lost hubby April 2019, he was 52, I’m now 49. The last 11mnths have been excruciating. I can’t believe how much I have had to deal with. Been through probate, (No will) we were married for coming up 30 years, been together for 33 years, since I was 15, he was 19. An inquest… hubby was fit and healthy, went in for routine biopsy, ended up in coma for 16 days but had multiple organ failure. We lost him. An investigation, involving witness statements back and forth. We have 2 amazing children, 23 and 25 and a beautiful grandson, now 14monrhs, without them, I can honestly say I would not be here without them! . My own family have not been able to deal with my grief and after the funeral, pretty much disconnected . My hubby s family have been amazing and I have a really good relationship with his Mum and Dad, that are now in their 80s,. Hubby and I had a 30th wedding Anniversary booked for us and our children, which I carried through, hubby booked it. We were a traditional couple, hubby looked after the finance, I looked after the house and children. I’m getting my head around this all on my own now. I have many dark days. The children have seen me at my very worst, some I feel very angry and ashamed of myself. I’m absolutely heartbroken , alone and lost but deep inside, I saw my hubby fight for his life, he wanted to live and so somewhere deep inside , I have to live and carry on. …sorry, can’t talk anymore, take care x

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Hello, Dongle,
I am sorry that you lost your husband, it is amazing how our lives can change in such a short space of time. Please don’t feel ashamed or angry with yourself, of course you will have dark days, it is understandable, you should feel proud of yourself that you carried through with your wedding Anniversary “do”. Isn’t it sad that our own families cannot give the support which we so desperately need, it happened to me, my husband died last August, although he was 84 years old it was sudden, I found him on our bedroom floor we had been married for 59 years. I do believe that we were so lucky to have all those years together, he was worn out and was ready to go to his rest. My family never acknowledged his death and he was always so kind to them. You are very young to have such a tragedy happen to you, I am glad that you have a baby grandson and your children too.
Please take care of yourself,

I’m so sorry Meryl, all those years, mine are hard enough but I am grateful to have had such a wonderful hubby , soul mate in my life, just seems a long road ahead x

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Hi @Dongle and thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing something so awful, all of us on this forum can relate to you in some way. I lost my Dad and although not a partner, he was my confidant and gave me so much peace of mind with advice or financial help throughout University. It’s a scary thought to figure out how we go on without them, our best friends.

I hope you are managing to take it easy in this awful time. Although this pandemic is scary, it’s nothing compared to our loss and what we’ve been through. Tell me about your partner, what was his likes? Dislikes? What kind of humour did he have?
I love talking about our loved ones now more than ever, we have to keep them alive despite them not being physically here x


Thank you :broken_heart: